I light a candle tonight...

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant loss Awareness Day.
Please light a candle at 7:00 pm.
In honor of Nick, our many miscarriages and for all of those that has lost a pregnancy or child.

As I light my candle tonight, I pray that all of our angels are together and that we find peace in knowing they are together with God and all of our relatives that have passed on. I pray that no mother, father, grandparent, aunt, uncle or siblings have to experience such a painful loss that hurts well beyond any one's imagination. I pray for every woman who has experienced the joys of finding out that your going to be a mommy only for it to turn to devastation when you hear, "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat" and then have to bare the burden and guilt of "why me...why couldn't I carry this very wanted baby". Then having to see and be around pregnancy everyday. I pray for the husbands, significant others, and best friends who try to comfort a mommy who has lost a pregnancy or child. And finally, I pray that one day, they can find a way to stop premature labor. I pray that one day, they can save even the sickest and smallest babies.

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Tonight I'm lighting a candle for my sweet angel baby, Nicholas and my many miscarried babies that I never got a chance to meet or hold, but still love as much as if I did.
To my sweet son Nick, Mommy misses you more and more each day. I thought as time goes on, it would get easier, but it doesn't. I don't ever want to forget how you smelled or looked. Those 2 1/2 days that you were with us, were the happiest days of my life. I had my twins. I was a mommy to twins. I don't know why God decided to take you...I am still trying to figure that one out, but I can only hope and pray that Uncle John (my brother who passed away at age 24) is with you. As you were dying, I told you to look for Uncle John...I hope you found him. You were a beautiful little man who I wish you could have stayed and been part of our huge, crazy family with all your brothers and sisters....and....as you know....you ARE a big brother to your sister Gina. Kenny, your twin is doing great. But you already know that. He has some major lung issues, hearing loss, epilepsy and developmental issues but I tell him every night before he goes to sleep that you are always with him (so you better be!) LOL!!It's so hard sometimes because with all the craziness of life and the doctor appts, PT/OT and any other appts. that Kenny has, I just look at him and see you. Sometimes its really good, but most of the time, it is really hard. I think, wow...I would have had 2 beautiful little boys doing this or doing that. It really sucks sometimes. I also hope that one day we will meet again, and you will know that I am and always will be your mommy who tried to keep you inside of me for as long as I could. I am so sorry that I went into labor with you guys. I am feeling tons of guilt over it...still trying to figure things out. Anyhow, sweetheart...Mommy loves you very much! (not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I miss you terribly)
So please join me tonight at 7 and light a candle for all those babies who have passed and for pregnancies lost.


I light my candle with my head held high to honor my miscarriages and my Nick...I thank God that he gave me you all, even if it was only for a very short time.

Finally a needed break...haha

So I finally had my free time. A little time away...just my hubby and I. We did a lot of walking and talking, enjoyed some wine and just regrouped and reconnected. We didn't have to worry about the kids...they were in good hands. Even Kenny enjoyed his time. He played with toys...new toys that he loved. I was hoping he'd do alright since I never had them watch him before. I asked if they were capable of watching a special needs child. One that cant hear, cant talk but loves to gather and group and loves people. When I picked them up, he was happily working on filling a toy shopping cart with everything and anything that was in that play room with him. Tony and I people watched, you know...there are so many different people and tastes in this area...it was pretty neat. We got our dinner for the night and we were kid free! I thought to myself that I could really get used to evenings out like this...

...then reality hit. It was time to get the kids and put the groceries in the car...
who thought grocery shopping could be a date?

I would like to thank the Eagle's Nest Child Care at our local Giant Eagle grocery store for taking great care of 5 of my kids for the hour and a half that we had to shop. I would also like to thank the sales rep for Barefoot Wines for letting me test a few different wines (albeit, they were just a tiny medicine cup full, I thoroughly enjoyed the .50 worth (.25 per cup)...and I found a new favorite...sweet red! tee hee

Ah, the special little moments of getting away from it all.

Now back to a very sick Kenny and round the clock breathing treatments :/

Frawsomeday (awesome Friday)

So, how can you get mad at a face that looks like this....
For doing...something like this....After he came home from school with this.... Oh yeah...what a day its turning out to be. Happy Friday everyone!

Just in: adding to this wonderful Friday...its pouring rain, its cold out and now the school just called and we are picking Morgan up from there...she's got a fever.

It's that time of year....again.

Its that time of year again...cooler, wetter weather means the start of the cold and flu season...and that is exactly what we are starting to feel over here at the Tomecko house. It started out with just me having the coughing and runny nose...a few weeks ago, and now the stupid coughing has spread to Gina, Taylor, Morgan, Kayleigh, Kenny and I even heard my hubby coughing quite a bit last night. Gina is by far, the worst out of everyone (knock on wood that no one else gets as bad...mainly Kenny). She was up all night...er...I should say that WE were up all night long with the coughing and puking (from mucus). Then this morning she woke up with a fever and a really hard time breathing. So its off to the doctor today. I'm sure its an upper respiratory infection..she is really breathing hard and fast with a rattle in her chest. I pray, pray, pray it doesn't get to Kenny, who already is coughing much more than normal.

I forgot to mention on here last week about Gina cutting her hair...well...maybe I did, but I didn't show pictures of it! haha. Oh sure, I can laugh now....but when she did it, I was mortified. She comes walking from the kitchen into the room that I was sitting in...and as she was walking, I noticed some of her beautiful yellow blond curls were falling to the ground. It didn't register with me as to what was going on until she said that she cut her hair. WHAT?!!! I looked at her and noticed that some of the hair that used to be covering her eyes were gone...but that's all I could really concentrate on because of the shock! I ran into the kitchen to see what and where she did this, and sure enough...there was the pile of curls! I saw how big the pile was so I had to assess the damage that she did to her head. I grabbed the brush and started to brush her messy hair only to see clumps of hair stuck to the brush. OK...a little stunned at this point...I was just praying that it wasn't a huge chunk taken out. Ahhh...ok...so she took the whole front part of her hair down to maybe a half an inch and then she gave herself layers in the back...still leaving the length. THANK GOODNESS! So now it just looks like she has very short bangs or that her hair is brushed and parted off to the side. I am so happy it wasn't like when little Tony cut Taylor's hair when they were little (I should have known that those two would have issues with each other growing up)...and especially when Morgan cut her hair...I swear, that girl thought she was Dora or something!

So off to take care of Gina who is having a hard time breathing (as I type this) and waiting for Kenny to come home from school...I just hope he is feeling alright...I'm waiting for the bomb to drop.

Bad Mommy Award goes to...ME

And the Bad Mommy Award goes to.......ME! I should have saw it coming...Gina's nose started to run a little bit last night but I didn't make anything of it. I was so determined to find this darn white (or cream colored) sweatshirt or long sleeve t-shirt for Kenny. His preschool class is making leaf shirts at school with a family member and he needed one for today. As the days are going by, we have not been able to find any plain white(or cream colored) sweatshirts or long sleeved t-shirts for that matter! Its been so freakin frustrating. Anyhow, yesterday we went to 4 different stores, desperate to find ANYTHING...and still...nothing. Last night I finally concluded that we were just going to use just a plain white t-shirt for him. I mean...he's just a kid, he'll probably only wear it once...maybe two times before he stains it all up. So that was my decision and I was now getting excited about his craft with a loved one day at school. Oh...let me add that I was also going to be bringing Gina to also make a shirt because Tony had a big job he had to get done for this morning.


The plan of action for this morning was to get everyone up and ready for school (easier said than done). I had my share of kids fighting with each other, and then actually yelling at me! uuuurg!!! Yes...that word....or for those English majors...onomatopoeia...is really showing my frustration from the morning from heck!

The camera was already put strategically in my purse last night so I could just whip it out and start the picture taking of Kenny (and Gina) making their shirts. Yeah...well...massive change of plan. During the night, Gina decided that she was going to start coughing. Not just a small cough that lasts for just a short time...oh no...she had to go to the full extent of sounding like she was a barking seal...ALL.NIGHT.LONG! So this morning, she wakes up...fever, cough and runny nose. LOVELY! So now what am I supposed to do? Its like a deja vu from last year when Kenny was to make a Christmas shirt with a loved one..and Gina was sick. The first thing that I thought of was...medicate her with Benadryl, Triaminic, Vicks...anything that would hide her symptoms...but as the morning is going on, I just cant do that. I would feel very guilty if someone from Kenny's class gets really sick from her. Its bad enough that Kenny is already starting to cough. So...the award for the Worst Mommy In The World goes to...ME. I wont be able to go to Kenny's school and be with him, making his shirt. All the other mommies will be there and my poor Kenny will be by himself...or...at least without a "loved one". I am hoping that Kenny forgives me for not being there for him. The guilt I have over this really blows! It just adds to the past few weeks of events.

I think I'm going to make a huge pot of beef stew...its supposed to be a comfort meal...and boy do I need comfort after this one!

Happy Birthday to our Kayleigh...

Happy 6th Birthday to my first c-section baby...Kayleigh! What more can I say...just look at that beautiful face! She has made me smile, laugh, and sometimes even scares me from some of the things she says and does. She is my daredevil and my cuddle buddy, and now she's 6. The scar I have on my belly...well, the one with a little curve to it (yes, I can differentiate between Kayleigh's c-section scar and the twins scar) will always be a reminder to the wanting a natural delivery of a breech baby by my doctor and myself, but having to have a c-section because of hospital procedures...darn those other doctors/nurses in the room who made me feel scared of trying a vaginal breech delivery. I was so up to try it. I had THAT much faith in my OB. Ha ha...I think, as long as I am of child bearing age, he'll always try to get me to have that type of delivery. tee hee.
Anyhow...
I'll be taking cupcakes to her class in a little bit which is always the best. I love seeing the faces brighten when I walk in! Hmmmm....I may just have to bring cupcakes to Tony's class next week for his 14th birthday *wink wink! yeah...he's gonna kill me!
I know this is a very short (but sweet) post, but I've been feeling a little down lately so this is the best I've got (for the time being). So, until tomorrow when I go to Kenny's school and help make fall shirts with them (pictures to follow)....

A tornado ripping through my mind

Hi, I am Michele... a mom who is more than just a mom to many kids...I am also a caregiver to a child that has needs beyond the normal, healthy child. I am also a human being that is tired. The checklist says it all.

This has been a very interesting and emotional start to fall. So far, I've had outpatient surgery...and have been very emotional about that whole thing...I really don't want to get into the specifics about it...just that...getting older sucks and I have a lot of healing...emotionally to do. Kenny had been back and forth to his therapy appts, doc appts, and school...some of which are going great, physical therapy for instance, he is exceeding what I though he'd be doing. He tries everything they give him to do...and follows directions quite well. He love jumping on the trampoline, kicking the soccer ball into the net and standing on a cushion while reaching, catching and throwing things. He needs a little bit more help on his floppy muscle tone in his legs...so he can learn to ride a tricycle...but other than he's doing great. Some other appointments...not so great. He is not gaining...he actually lost some weight. He is starting to not want his backpack on for his tube feeds, so there is some defying that is taking place. Our next step is to find a high chair that can hold a 4 year old for his feeds...yes, we are reverting back to the old ways of when he first got his tube in...he will be sitting for an hour while the feedings take place.

We also have been denied for the 3rd time for his hearing aids. Its been since May that he lost his one hearing aid in his little autism tantrum he had in church, at Sydnie's communion. And just a few weeks ago, he came home from school and went right to playing. I thought he unhooked his hearing aid and threw it in his toys...but nope. The next day when he came home from school on the bus, they handed me an envelope with his hearing aid in it...broken. So yeah...trying to get Medicaid to supply a new set of aids to a child with moderate to severe hearing loss has not been easy. We are getting frustrated and told by his teachers/therapists that he really need them...noooooo kidding!

Also, its cold & flu season, and I am besides myself. I am hoping that this season is gentle on Kenny. He is already starting the coughing and throwing up mucus...which is always pleasant. It is a continuous battle of my thoughts when it comes to this time of year. You know...the thoughts that pop into your head and start swirling around like a tornado that doesn't stop...just gets bigger and bigger and picks up steam until you cant sleep for hours on end...yep...thats what is happening. Thoughts of Kenny getting sick, seizures, him losing weight because he doesn't want to eat for me. The possibilities of losing him. Heck, thoughts of all the babies that I've lost. Thoughts of my living children and their lives...should Tony be going to a Catholic High School (that I really want for him) or a public one. Thoughts of Kenny having to go to a public elementary school around the corner from us...and I wouldn't even send my older kids there because its THAT BAD, yet, I'm going to have to send Kenny there...so then I think that we have to move...and the money thoughts pop up.

See what I mean? Like I said, the thought tornado just sort of builds to an F5 from all the grief, sadness, exhaustion and stress....that destroys the whole sleep, functional and emotional state of me. There is no doubt in my mind that I will get through this. I just have to wonder why. Why is it that you do what is supposed to be the right things in life, and nothing goes right. Nothing. I swear, I have a curse bestowed upon me. Its bad enough that I have dealt with the loss of a child, the loss of multiple pregnancies, a child that takes 100% of my time and energy because of his special/chronic needs, a house that is falling apart in front of my eyes, and now teenagers and their ways. And all the while I try to keep a happy demeanor. Being kind, giving and loving to those around me when honestly, all I want to do is scream, break things and hide under the blankets in my bed and never come out again. I know I cant do that, so praying and hoping that God hears my pleas to give me a better life...or at least the ability to deal with what was given to me will have to do for now.

school pictures and another birthday!

What a morning! Why is it that when you see the words "picture day" on the calendar for school, you think...oh, OK...plenty of time. Just pick an outfit out and there ya go. WRONG! The kids picked their clothes out yesterday an by this morning, all you know what hit the fan! One outfit wasn't good enough...one dress looked too short. Then then shoe issues arose....the dress shoes we just bought Tony for school...for his uniform...too small. Would someone tell these teenagers to just stop growing. Then the younger ones wanted to wear white sandals and dressy flip flops (with stockings). I finally gave up. I told them to wear whatever they wanted to wear, on their feet. I figured the camera only takes the picture from the chest up..so that's what really counts. Wish I could be like those parents who just don't do picture day...well...don't order pictures. But I can't. We have a tradition going and to see the transformation from kindergarten to the present time..it's just something that I really can't pass up...so it's the cheapest picture package deals for all...eek.
It was complete chaos this morning..picture me trying to help put the last minute outfits together, help Taylor with her conservative makeup....very conservative...almost non at all, curling and straightening 5 girls hair...all of which wanted a different style. Making sure they had their backpacks full of homework and school stuff together, trying to find the right stupid pair of shoes for the girls, getting Kenny up and ready for school...while he is screaming at the top of his lungs...I'm sitting thinking to myself....why couldn't I of had all boys. They,d all have short haircuts and not have to worry about hair, makeup and what they look like. I swear, having girls is one of the hardest jobs! But, they finally are all at school, good to go....I even got an I love you from them!
Which brings me to my next thought...it's my Sydnie's 8th birthday today! When she was born, she had a true knot in her cord (so did her sister Kayleigh...we'll talk about that next week for her birthday). I thank God everyday that she came 6 weeks early because if she didn't, she could very well not be here today. A knot in the umbilical cord while the baby is still inside the mommy, is one of the big reasons for babies to die in utero. I remember the doctor being in awe of the knot...yes, I have a picture of it...haha. She was one of my healthiest born babies and i just love my little big eyed, blond City Chicken, Beverly D'angelo (her nicknames) look alike! She is such a blessing to us...I know being the middle child of this crazy family, she sometimes gets lost in the crowd, but she always shines through, making our lives that much complete! She makes us laugh all the time with her funny little things she says and does...her sense of humor....holy smokes...you can pull a joke or say something to her and she just laughs and laughs! She is very smart...using all sorts of words that I would never think a little girl her age would use...her new favorite is "awesome"...so Sydnie, have an Awesome birthday my little miracle.
Her request for today was to have chocolate pie...so that is what she is getting!

Thoughts about our kids...

I'm changing it up a little with this post. I've been up, unable to sleep, these darn mosquito bites on my legs and feet are itching to the point of wanting to scratch them till they bleed, and then pour alcohol on them...yes, they itch THAT bad! Anyhow, Ive been thinking about all my kids and how we've shaped and moulded them into who they are today, and who they'll be in the future. Since there is no handbook as to how to raise a child (let alone, 7), it's all just a "hold you're breath and do you're best" job.
Why is it that some young teens act older than they are? Is it a bad thing? Is it alright to let a 13 year old swear or a 12 year old to wear makeup? I guess everyone has their own opinions and ideas about this, which is fine...I mean, this is why people are different...the variety of life I guess. It's called, letting your child find himself. It like getting your child into a sport, music or something else. But what happens when you're child doesn't have a certain one (or many) things he/she is good at? What happens when the social skills are slightly off and your child has never been able to find a niche where he/she belongs? Some kids are blessed with the ability to have tons of friend, even a few best friends...sleepovers, phone convos til they don't have anything else to talk about but stay on the phone just because. Some are great in a sport, music...whatever. Parents pour hundreds, sometimes even thousands of dollars into lessons...and some just can't...or the child just doesn't want to. Does that affect their future? Does it affect who they will or could be in the future?

What happens to the preteen and teenager who tries so hard to have friends, that it's seems like they try too hard. And when they think they finally have someone that they can connect with...something bad happens..a fight, a misunderstanding...something.
What happens to these kids when a mom or dad can't help them? A parent of an older child can't very well make play dates like we used to do in kindergarten...we can't really talk to anyone (the other kids parent, teacher) because then our kid gets looked down upon and made fun of. What then?
When you sit and wonder what your child is all about, can you really do it? Does your child have their niche in life? Confident? They are their own person? Something to be proud of? I know we have done the best we could do...but honestly, I'm pretty scared. I pray that I/we gave them enough in their childhood to shape and mould them into their own self...confident...with a sense of dignity and respect for themselves and others. I pray that just because we didn't have lots of money for lessons for this and that, that it our children will still find their "thing" in life. I mean, my hubby and I were artists...I started drawing when I was just 5...I knew what I was all about. I am holding my breath, hugging my kids (even though some days are tough with their attitudes lately) and always telling them that I love them and are proud of them.
Gotta love these teenage years.

...10 years later

Where was I ten years ago...that seems to be the typical blog posts for today...so I guess I'm jumping on the bandwagon here...

I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I was sitting on my couch feeding Morgan (she was just a baby) and talking to my twin on the phone. It was a typical morning in our house...come to think of it, it was also a nice and quiet morning. Looking back, having only 3 kids...no thought of anything bad that was about to transpire. It's so weird to think of how simple life was before that moment the first plane...no...the moment the second plane hit the second tower. I say that, because when we heard that a plane hit the first tower, we all though (well, hoped) that it was a fluke...a plane that had an accident. As we were watching the news the thought crossed our minds that maybe it wasn't a fluke, maybe it was terrorist...but no...we just couldn't fathom the idea that all those people were trapped from the 80th-something floors on up. I kept wondering how they were going to save those people...there was no way. All those people...then the thought of the people from the plane....gone...what were they thinking...feeling.

Then...as we were watching the morning news, as the cameras were pointing up on the twin towers....you can see a big second plane coming into view...OH NO...I screamed. Then BAM. we witnessed the second plane hitting the second tower. It was like watching a make believe movie on TV...but it was so real. At that point, we all knew. We knew we, America, was under attack. Then the reports came in that the pentagon got hit...Was it world war 3?

I was calling my mom/dad & sisters crying...wondering what would be hit next. Then word came that there was a hijacked plane that flew over Cleveland....OMG...thats right over us! I called my sister, who lives in PA and told her to be careful because the plane was heading towards PA. What was next? I remember trying to keep calm in the mist of everything going on because of the kids, but it didn't really work. I remember the news reports of one thing after another...then they showed the airways of the united states....not a single plane was in the air....this way, they could see what plane(s) were being hijacked. I remember being afraid to go outside...but Tony and I did. I looked up in the sky and there was silence. Not a plane in sight...and we live not to far from the airport. What was happening? What was going to be next? Then...watching the towers burn on TV and noticing that the smoke billowing out of the top floors looked different then before...I told Tony that I thought the building was going to collapse...minutes later, before my eyes, the first tower started to fall. All those people, all those innocent people. People that went to work that day not knowing that that was the last day of their lives. All those emergency workers, police officers, port authority, women who were mothers, wives, sisters daughters...men who were fathers, husbands, brothers, sons....what if there were pregnant women killed? what about those that were planning their weddings? What about those that had to take care of a special needs child? Gone just like that. It was the longest day in my life. I was upset about all those people on the planes that were traveling without a thought....the evil that took over those planes had no thought about human life. They were pure evil. To take over the planes the way they did...all those innocent people...and God know what they all went through on those plane rides to their demise. Those people that were in their offices at the pentagon and the towers...when those planes hit...what He** they went through either trying to escape or being trapped...and then finally...the heroes on flight 93 that went down in PA...wow.
My/our lives has drastically changed from this horrific day ten years ago. Since then, we've had 5 more kids, I became a stay at home mom, lost a child, and now raising a child with many special and chronic needs. I have come to appreciate life and understand that life is short. I respect and thank often police officers, firefighters and anyone who is or has served in the military.
Life has moved on and has gotten more complex but more complete since that day. America has changed. I notice that there is more point and blame and a lot less God. Which to me is not what our founders of this nation or the victim of 9-11 wanted or ever thought would be possible. If we allow our nation to be split into groups and have no mention of God...any God...we are letting "them" win. Our country was based on diversity of cultures and ideas...but our basis for everything was/should still be...God.
I want our kids to grow up in a great nation...not one of conflict, fright or hate.
GOD BLESS AMERICA
And no...I have not been on a plane since then...

My niece is married...oh what a party it was!

Nothing better than a long weekend wedding with a huge family! Yep, my niece got married to the love of her life on August 12th. I cant believe that not to long ago, we were taking her to go see The Little Mermaid at the theater and making her communion headpiece...and now, I had the honor or making her bridal headpiece. She is all grown up, beautiful and married! After a year of planning, everything fell into place and was simply beautiful! My twin sister and her family came in. My parents, who came in from Arizona...and whom I haven't seen in 4 very long years, looked the best they've looked in years (who would think they are both in their 70's...try late 50's!!!) Gosh I really missed my parents, sister & her family and my uncle and cousins!

My sister & her husband (parents of the bride) looks AMAZING! Her dress was stunning and brought me back to when I was little and she was going to prom...or was it homecoming...well, whichever it was...the color she picked out for her dress was perfect for her! They were radiating happiness!

Kenny and Gina were the Flower Girl and Ring Bearer. How did they do? ummm..well...pretty good for having stage fright! They did fine at the rehearsal, but when they saw all the people sitting on both sides of the isle...they both wanted to hold my hand and wouldn't walk down the isle without me.But they did walk down! tee hee

My niece looked like a beautiful princess walking down the isle. Yeah...I have to admit that I had flashbacks of when she was little, and it brought a few tears to my eyes. OK...OK...I cried like a big baby when I saw her in the back room of the church...with her veil and gown on...I mean....I just make her communion veil a few years back...and now she is all grown up and getting married! Where does the time go? I'll tell you one thing...our family knows how to party through the weekend! My uncle and cousins whom I haven't seen in...oh gosh...15+ years came and it was like we never missed a beat! There was tons of dancing by all...my parents (who are in their 70's) were dancing up a storm much of the night!

The cake was beautiful...Tony and I walked the kids onto the dance floor when they announced the bridal party...Look at my handsome guy...The father/daughter dance again...brought tears to our eyes. My husband even got choked up during this...It was because he

It was so nice to just get away from the every day life we live. One thing that I didn't care for was all the packing of all the medical equipment/medicines, etc...that we had to bring. I didn't realize how much stuff we actually use for Kenny. And also the consumption of time that Kenny takes up. I barely had a chance to talk to family because I was so busy running around after him.

The only thing I wish I would have done was taken a family picture of all my kids and husband. We all, believe it or not, cleaned up pretty well that night! tee hee.

What a great weekend! I am so blessed to have an amazing and large family!

I finally did it!

I created a logo for one of my dream ideas....what I've had a passion for...making I beat the odds t-shirts for micro-preemies, preemies and kids with chronic illnesses! Please visit and "like" my Facebook page by clicking HERE.

My Milestones for Micros is about making memories and showing off what you have been through, through custom free t-shirts. They are free to anyone that has a micro preemie, preemie or special needs child.

I started this mission when my surviving twin son turned one. I thought to myself...he had beaten the odds at being born at 23 weeks gestation...a whole 17 weeks early and I wanted the world to know just THAT! I made his shirt he wore on his birthday....and it as been a tradition in our house ever since...a milestones for micros t-shirt for each birthday. He is 4 now, and since then, I have made ...several of these for families of micro preemies. I am hoping to one day get big enough to take them to the NICU in our area (and all over the U.S. and elsewhere) and give them as a going home gift to all babies born early or who have beat the odds in one way or another. I cant do this without your help...so please spread the word and lets get Milestones For Micros off the ground! The shirts are free...I will not be charging anything (including shipping) to have a shirt made...but I do welcome donations of any size, just to pay forward for the next shirt given away to a child (to cover the cost of ink, shirts and shipping). So this is coming from me personally...I am funding this for my dream of making my fellow preemie families and families with special and chronic needs happy...to put a smile on faces during a very stressful time.

I will need your name, address, color scheme of type and if there is a special graphics you want added please let me know. Please e-mail me at: mtomecko@yahoo.com
This is a free service that I donate to all kids that were born early or have a chronic condition...but a donation is very welcomed.

The Mission of Milestones For Micros is to give families with preemies, micro preemie & kids with a chronic condition, something to be proud of...Beating the odds of survival! We will be making and proudly distributing t-shirts with the child's stats when they were born and also for each milestone birthday they are celebrating!

So please help me out with my dream of helping others...please Like my Facebook page and pass the word around that I am doing this! Thank you very much!

Micro Preemie beats the odds

Micro Preemie beats the odds

(a much needed) Fun and Busy Weekend (part 1)...

You know, there comes a time in a person's life where you just have to say screw it...screw all the work overloads, the money matters, the mold & mildew, the ants, the every day life stresses and just have fun....and that is exactly what we did this weekend. Saturday morning I woke up to ants everywhere (after I have sprayed and used massive amounts of other products that guarantee the stupid ants wont come back...yet after 2 days, they're back). The mold/mildew in my entire basement (yep...everything has to go) is getting really bad too. I just couldn't take much more of it and it was between us getting stresses even more by taking everything out of our basement, or doing something fun with the kids. Well, since we haven't done anything all summer, I just wanted to forget all of our problems and do something fun...anything...so, we chose to go to the beach! Our Lake Erie Mentor Headlands beach is so beautiful, I forgot how peaceful and fun it could be. I used to spend so much time there while growing up...it was only fit to form, that we take our kids there! I am so glad we went...they had so much fun. That is...all but Kenny who would NOT step foot onto the sand (with socks and shoes on or off). He was so afraid of this whole concept of "the beach"! He had no idea what any of it (the sand, the rocks, the sun, the water) was all about. He would not budge unless Tony or I held him...or sat with him. He finally started to warm up to the beach scene about 30 minutes before we were about to leave.

I even caught a picture of Kenny taking a sip from a water bottle...which he has been working on for a few weeks now. I am so proud of him.

I couldn't keep Gina out of the water...I now know that next time we go to the beach, we will be bringing life vest...because I was a nervous mom trying to watch each kid...especially the younger ones...Gina, Kayleigh & Syd...who loved the water and wanted to go in further (which I wouldn't let them). The kids had more fun finding cool rocks...oh..and yes, we came come with 3 buckets full of rocks...

A great day was had by all...I am so glad we chose the beach rather than work around the house...loved seeing my kids smile. One day I vowed to get to an ocean beach so they can experience the ocean water, shells and smell!

An octomom I am not...

Because if I was, I'd have several more arms and been able to stop what just transpired...

I was folding and hanging laundry on hangers in our living room-turned-dining room and talking to my sister on the phone, when all of a sudden Gina came walking into the room looking like this!!!!Yup...you guessed it...Lipstick! Haaahaaa!

So as I was going to see what that was all about...Kenny comes walking in to the room with a half container of Sunny D...when it was full!

Where was the missing liquid you ask?

Right here...On a brighter note...Gina is wearing big girl underwear today and has already pee'd on the potty! Yay!

Ahhhh...life is funny!

*** This just added...

Yeah...after I posted this, Gina decided that she was going to chalk indoors today...on the dining room table!

Rain rain go away...same with puking!

This spring/summer has been pretty extreme in terms of weather that the Cleveland area has had. First off, the spring was very rainy...actually...from April-June was very wet. And now we have had a week of one hundred degree temps....along with rain! And no, the rain didn't cool things off either. So, Saturday evening it was just too hot to cook and to stay in our house just one more minute, so we took the kids and headed out to the nearest McDonald's with the indoor playground. I forgot to mention that as we were leaving, it was pouring harder than I've ever seen it rain...ever! On our way there, the streets were almost impassable! We have a big van, those small "pee pee" cars that are so close to the ground would not make it through. It was exciting and scary at the same time...we had Morgan in the back crying because she was scared...because her big brother, Tony was telling her that its the end of the world...yeah..thanks Tony. Typical almost 14 year old big brother! Then you get me yelling at my hubby telling him to not try to go through the flooded street(s). I can just picture us stuck in 2.5 feet of water with all the kids in the van...but we made it through! The big green bus never fails! tee hee. Here are some pics from after the rain ended...when we were coming home from McDonald's. These are taken at the park that the kids play ball.

This is the parking lot...And this happens to be a beautiful lake that is usually enclosed in pavers...as you can see, it is extremely flooded...from the looks of it, it looks like the lake was way up onto the parking lot...

The excitement doesn't end at the flooding! See, we rarely go anywhere to eat out, but like I said, it was just too hot and we thought it would be something fun for the kids to burn off some energy...haha...

We got there. The kids were running around the play area in their socks while we got the food (50 pack of chicken nuggets, 5 small fries, 4 drinks, and hamburgers for Tony and I). They were having a great time just being kids...Gina was an old pro climbing up into the maze of tunnels and then down the slides...and Kenny was just having a great time running around...nope, he wouldn't even go near the tunnels. But he DID grab one of the soft drinks and started to sip the straw! He's been trying to drink out of a cup for a while now, but he saw Gina drinking out of her straw and he wanted to try. So he did. It wasn't the most graceful sips, but he did it and we were happy. So as they are running and playing...keep in mind, we were the only ones in the play area, Kenny grabbed a BBQ sauce packet and squeezed it...all over him. He came over to us to wipe it off of him...looked at us and puked...a lot. As I was cleaning it up...he puked even more...and then a third time! Not sure if it was from the taste of the sauce, from drinking pop out of the straw, or running around. Maybe it was a little of all three things...I dunno. All I know is he was fine...not sick or anything, and he just kept playing through it all! So now I have to keep an eye on him because this is the 4th time he's done this...retching and throwing up out of the clear blue.

By the time we left there, most of the flooding was gone, and what wasn't the police had the roads blocked off. Our yard was flooded as was Tony's shop (aka the garage). The basement only has some water seepage and was very damp. All in all, it was a very exciting evening. I only wish I would have gotten some pictures of the cars trying to go through the flooded roads, or an audio of the inside of our van as we were driving through it all!

Tick Tock...no time to dock

The heat has kicked in and the locus are making their familiar noise that only mid summer brings...and with July coming to a close I have got so much done yet so much I really wanted to do this summer. Have you ever been there? Wanting to do so much...wanting to have a lot of fun with the family but the time and money is just not there.

Just a few days ago, I make appointments for every kid for physicals and dental cleaning/exams, ordered Kenny's month supply of medical supplies, refilled all his medicines, made appts for Tony and I for our dental visits...and then I got a surprise call from the hospitals PT/OT dept. They wanted to set Kenny up with an appt. for Occupational Therapy. I was so excited! See he was on a waiting list and they told me that he wouldn't be getting in for quite some time. So needless to say, I was beyond excited. We went yesterday for his first appt which he really needed! He actually surprised me by how much he was doing. He actually put together a 4 piece shape puzzle. She wanted to see how he did on his coloring skills...and that wasn't as good as the puzzle. She noticed that he had low muscle tone in his hands so holding crayons and silverware were going to be difficult for him. Drinking from a cup came next...and then it went. haahaa. Yeah...that was a disaster. He did amazing on following directions on lifting his legs one at a time. But he needed to hold onto something or someone doing it. We are going to be working with eating as well...which has been a nightmare. He is basically tube fed now because he just doesn't want to eat anything by mouth! So now we are going to be starting up on OT once a week for an hour and PT every other week for an hour. I am so happy that we are finally starting up on these again!

Next is the speech therapy which we start in August! I am hoping to get him (and us) into learning more sign language...he knows a few signs, but nothing to carry on a conversation...or to let us know what he wants, which is very important.

That brings me to my next request...could my readers please go to this link and vote for Kenny. We are really trying to win an IPad for him so he can start to communicate and learn. It is very much appreciated.

You can tell when you are stressed out...when little things start to get to you...like...for instance...picking up medication refills and not getting the right type of syringe that you have used for ever....and then there is taking all the kids to the eye exam that your husband and self have...thinking that it would be easy. HAHA. First you have an overly happy receptionist who has a smile that I swear she super glued happy...then after we get done with our appts and we start looking for frames...there is no one to help us. We finally picked out a pair each...but when I gave them to the front desk to have her write down the frame numbers because the kids were all acting up and there was no one there to help us with the frame selection...so I handed her the frames and asked her to write them down in our files...she said yeah and went about talking on the phone...totally not listening to what I just asked her. I'm sure when we do go back to order our frames, she wont have a clue as to which frames they were. It was a disaster!

So yeah...its been busy around here and the calendar is filling up quickly, and school hasn't even started! Don't even remind me about shopping for school uniforms & supplies...

Life is a bowl of cherries...so please excuse me.

Excuse me if I'm a bit on edge today, I've had a very trying day 4+ years. See, trying to keep babies alive inside of me only to have them born at 23 weeks...the NICU, the death of Nick, the unplanned (but very much welcomed) pregnancy of Gina, the allegations that certain people made against us, the hospital stays, the seizures, the unknown of Kenny's health & unable to understand what he needs and wants. The working hard to make ends meet, the EMHE almost choosing us...and then us ending up helping the lucky family that got it. The deaths of many close family & friends. The being stuck in the house with Kenny...pretty much on house arrest because of his health and his Autistic fits. The no vacations...no days off, no respite, no help. The constant go, go, go...the sleepless nights, the stressful days...it all has finally taken its toll.

You see, what used to be a normal day of playing with the kids, doing things throughout our summer or even just some free time...cleaning, cooking and just enjoying life, has turned into a life of doctor and therapy appointments, feeds through a tube certain times of the day & night, medications, and unpredictable hospital stays.

Excuse me if I come across short tempered, I've had my hands full with a child who likes to bang his head, cry and scream for no apparent reason. I've had my share of "bad luck", long days, and being a caregiver (beyond being a mommy) and I am just tired. To hear a person who really doesn't have it THAT bad say that they have it bad...or that they need a vacation, day off or night out really gets to me.

Excuse me if I seem a little unsure of myself...because I honestly am. I have questioned if I could cope with having a chronically ill/special needs child. I am just following the motions of the day and let the days run me.

Excuse me if I seem to critical of people, because honestly...if you've never been a mom of a micro preemie or a child with many needs...you don't understand what it all entails. You don't know the sadness, the loneliness, the anxiety, the stress, the uncertainty, the tomorrow.

Yes, we wanted a lot of kids...but no, we never thought we'd have child with special needs or lose a child. We would never turn our backs on any one of them and love them heart and soul. I've heard people say that we shouldn't of had so many kids, it was bound to happen...well, to them...Eff you. We didn't chose a life of heartache...we chose a life of lots of love to go around...and we love each other THAT much that we are/were willing to bring many beautiful kids into this world. It just so happens that we were chosen to have a child with needs beyond normal. We do the best we can with what we have.

Excuse me if I don't return or make phone calls, e-mails or anything else that contributes to a social life. See, with 7 kids in a small house...it tends to get a little loud. The bathroom, the basement or even waaaaaay in the backyard are the only places I can talk on the phone for about 5 minutes tops...after that, all he** breaks loose. The computer is another story...I can at least walk away from an e-mail, blog post or chat and get back to it after a few hours. So this explains my lack of social life (this blog is my saving grace)...even Facebook is getting difficult.

Excuse me if my hair is not perfect, the makeup isn't on, and I have clothes from 15 years ago...again...with 7 kids, one with special needs, I have no time to go get it colored or styled. Some days I don't even have enough hours in the day to put even eye liner on...and who has time (or money) to shop for clothes!

Please excuse the way my house is looking...with baskets of clothes & socks that I will get to eventually. My house is a home and we do the best we can...it doesn't mean it is in deplorable living conditions...it just means that I have more important things to do with my time with the kids.

Please excuse me for being a little jealous of those mommies that can just pick up and go...that has their kids in all sorts of activities. That can say they love their life or even have a little bit of one. I never thought we'd have a child with so many issues...it doesn't mean that I hate it...it just means that I am trying to rework my life...trying to make the best of a different situation that I never thought I'd be in. Trying to understand just how much more work, time, patience, finances, energy, courage and determination it takes to have.

Please excuse me if my worries and anxiety is stronger than most...after losing a child and having a child with chronic illness I tend to get a bit more worrisome than most...one would call it a little over protective or even Post Traumatic Stress.

Please excuse me for one day seeming fine and the next day a mess...see above.

And finally please excuse me for this little post...Sometimes life is like a bowl of cherries...somehow I got more pits than actual cherries in this bowl. I've been having a tough day and writing it out helps! Just waiting for the fresh cherries to be shipped ;)

Stumble Upon IPad Contest!!!

We have decided to try to win Kenny an IPad so he can learn to communicate and develop his skills and coordination...basically,work his brain a little more than he is right now. We have heard nothing but great things about the Apps for special needs kids and really think this is the way to go...so anyhow...StumbleUpon on Facebook is having a contest and I have entered it.
I am asking all of my readers to vote for his picture and also pass this onto everyone you know...It would be a GREAT help. We just don't have the funds to get him one right now.
Here is the link...
Where Would You stumble? Photo Contest

you'll see his picture. Its under the name Michel...I have no idea why it wouldn't let me finish typing out my name...but anyhow...that's our entry....PLEASE VOTE FOR US! Thank you soooo much!

Birthdays, showers and summertime

OK, so we're in the heart of the summer and celebrated 2 birthdays this month...well, technically we didn't quite celebrate...yet. My first daughter, Taylor turned 12 on the 5th and Gina, my last daughter, turned 3 on Sunday the 17th! Where has the time gone?! I remember each birth like it was yesterday, but these days seem to be flying by! Here is a poem I wrote for Gina last year. Happy Birthday my sweet girls...I love you both so very much. You both have enriched my life 10 fold!

We spent Gina's birthday in PA celebrating my niece Nicole and her fiance, Mike's wedding shower. That's another "where has the time gone" moment! My sister's beautiful daughter is getting married in August, so its been a year of planning for my sister and her family! My Kenny and Gina are honored to be in their wedding...the flower girl and the ring bearer! So we ordered and just picked up Gina's dress (absolutely beautiful)...and this past Saturday, we went and got Kenny fitted for his suit...Now we are hoping and praying that the two of them can walk down the isle with grace and not freeze up or start crying! haha!

Anyhow, back to the trip to PA for the shower. I have to give a HUGE shout out to my amazing hubby for giving up his plans for the day, to go with me to PA. I honestly didn't want to drive out there (2.5 hours away) with 7 kids by myself...even with GPS I'd still get lost! I have also realized that I am getting old...yes, I admit it...I am getting old. I can forget driving long distances at night because my eyes cant focus very well at night. So thank goodness my love of my life gave up his golf outing...his one thing he looks forward to every year...to come with me. This past week has been a week from...well...you know where! Between making cakeball pops, going to a vendors fair...setting up a table for my Milestones for Micros (selling my cakeballs to raise money) and also setting up Tony's stuff...his ART Pro Graphics stuff to get some more work and also his skateboards that he makes. Along with making 150 cupcakes for the shower, doctor appts for Kenny, Kenny throwing his "fits", and then mix all that with the usual day to day things...washing clothes, cleaning up the house, dinners, baseball games and breaking up fights between the kids (haha)...I am so ready for a few days off...which wont be happening anytime soon! Here is a few pics from the shower. My brother in law made this awesome cupcake stand!!! I made chocolate/chocolate chip cupcakes, confetti cupcakes, red velvet cupcakes...along with...french vanilla, German chocolate and strawberry cakeball pops and banana nut with butter cream frosting cupcakes...

I know now that from now on, I will frost and decorate at the event rather than 2 hours before hand and then traveling to the destination...oh man...many of the cupcakes were destroyed. On the other hand...the shower was absolutely beautiful! My sister did an awesome job planning and decorating. The kids got much of what they registered for. I am so happy for them. They make such a great couple! I have to laugh a little bit...we filled out these cards that they passed out where we had to write a piece of advice to the soon-to-be newlyweds...my advice to them was...have lots and lots of babies! haha! No really! Sharing your life together, being intimate and keeping busy with a family that you both have created really does keep one on the right track! Maybe lose a few marbles along the way...but for the most part its an amazing experience...having lots of kids! I also wrote that they should accept each other for who they will both grow into being as the years go on...and also to talk, laugh and cry together!

So, on August 12th my little niece will be a married woman and we will have a huge family celebration...all my relatives that I haven't seen in years will be there and I am so excited!

Real parents guide to surviving chronic illness

I know there are many ways that professionals and experts tell us how we should be dealing with a child with a chronic illness/developmental delay/or some sort of special needs...I want to give my version of it...it may not be the best, but this is mine...

1) write, write, write. I feel the best therapy for a parent who's facing a stress different from everyday normal stress...the stress of either losing a child or having a child with many medical needs....is to write everything out. Write down everything from appointments, unusual activity that your child has shown, to your feelings and day to day life. Doctors are going to ask you a lot of questions...and it is all basically up to you as to what YOU see YOUR child doing or not doing. In writing a journal...for me, going back and looking at where this journey started off...to when I thought I was loosing my twins at 6 weeks...I have learned that I am strong. I have written letters to my angel baby Nick, poems to all my children, my anger to different situations, my sadness of wishing this all was just a bad dream...just everything, even if it seemed stupid AFTER I wrote it. One thing I have learned with writing is that I have many days of struggle, sadness and anger...oh and a whole lot of exhaustion, but I am making it through all of this (even coming out a stronger and better person), and so will you. And who knows...one day your journal might make the best sellers list. tee hee.

2) Share your story. If that mean joining a parent support group either on line or in real life, do it. There is strength in numbers. You will not feel so alone in your struggles.

3) Use what you have gone through to help others that are facing what you've gone through. There is always something to be learned and shared in every situation. It is your job to do what you want with that knowledge. With me, I have volunteered at the Hospice to help others who are dealing with chronic illness or death of a child. It makes my son Nick's death and my son Kenny's complex medical needs something that is not in vain. It gives a reason for what this is all about...helping others.

4) Use respite. Ok...ok...this is one that I have not used...but I heard it wonderful. I am so badly in need of this one. I am adding this to my list because I haven't used this and want all of you to know that when you don't get a break from your "new" life, that it will catch up to you and you'll get burnt out (which is pretty much where we're at). Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to say you need a break or that you want to be able to do something with your other kids to make their lives as normal as possible. Don't feel guilty with saying you need a break either! So yeah...still working on this one over here at the Tomecko house.

5)Make sure that all plans are not set in stone. Because honestly...there will probably be a situation where you cant do what you wanted to do because of a medical or special need of some sort. There has been many times (weddings, shopping trips, visits, and also the far and few date nights) that we had to cancel things due to Kenny getting really sick or go into one of his screaming/headbanging episodes.

6) Use all the resources possible. Get your butt online and search. Go to your health provider, therapists, teachers, foundations and places of worship...and find all you can do/use for your child. If your child qualifies or SSI...get that child on it. If you find that you cant afford something that you need there are foundations that can help. There is always someone/somewhere that can help or at least lead you in the right direction. There are disposable diapers for older kids, medical supplies, quilts, photo retouch of angel pictures, just tons of resources and websites (some of which are highlighted).

7) Have good communication with your spouse or significant other. Make time (even if its for just a few minutes) to give each other a big bear hug, a quick smooch, or a loving look. Tell each other how you are feeling. Use each other for support...remember those vows (if you're married)...in good time and bad, in sickness or health...I know I botched it up...but you get the idea. Even with 7 living children, we still find time for each other. Keep the communication open and the love strong! Also love your children and show them its alright...different, but alright.

8) Try to look at the positive side of things. With having a child who has many chronic/special needs and also losing a child, my anxiety has gotten the best of me. DONT let that happen. It got to the point where I am afraid of a little bit of a messy house (with 7 kids, it happens), campfires, pools, even playing in the yard...for fear of having another child die. Try not to let this happen. PTSD is not something to have to live with. Get rid of negative people, situations and feelings. Seek help if you feel that its getting to you.

9) I guess this one should be part of the respite one...but here goes...First off, know its alright to cry sometimes. Its OK to be angry, jealous at others, sad and grieve at broken dreams. But also remember to look at the positive. To take time for yourself. Cut coupons, take pictures, surf the web, bake something, rearrange the furniture, garden, sew, exercise, buy new underwear (tee hee)...do something for yourself. You deserve it...you've been through a lot.

10) Take a deep breath and have faith. There is a reason...a lesson that God wants you to learn.