It's been five years....

I can't believe it's been five years since our last child...wow. Where has the time gone!! This year marks a milestone...all five kids in school all day long!! Woot woot! 

Today also is my last child's birthday..HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our sweet Gina! She is truly a one of a kind! She loves army stuff, guns, army guys, baseball, wrestling and dressing p in boy clothes....she also loves nail polish, kittens, fancy dresses, and cuddles! My little Tom boy who is a very sweet hearted, smart beyond her years little cutie pie! 

So, here is a poem I wrote for her....I love you my rainbow baby!!!

A rainbow is a gift, a sign all will be good...

It's that joy after a storm, that is sometimes misunderstood.

God gave us a rainbow for our family to cherish...

One when all hope and faith was ready to perish.

These last five years have been such a blessing,

They have healed the wounds, really has been the dressing.

Thinking back on everything and what this has meant...

The walking, the talking, and encouragement.

You were given to us for a reason we see,

And only God really knows...he holds the key.

God gave you to us because he felt all our pain...

The sadness, the emptiness....its hard to explain.

Losing a child and then, another so sick,

Hoping and praying...nothing did the trick.

When out of the blue, a test came back...yes

Mommy sat and cried, I didn't want this mess.

I lost a child, why didn't God keep him here...

Why give me another, it seemed so severe.

The thoughts of replacing him was scary and sad,

But God showed me something, I stopped being mad.

I thank God every day that he felt we could cope,

A loss and a sick one...we were at the end of our rope.

I wasn't replacing him, I was gaining a child...

Who is strong and resilient yet sweet, caring and mild.

You have help your brother and family to heal...

Our hearts and hope you have quickly come to steal.

Kenny needed someone close, his twin couldn't be,

The bond that you created is so special, you see.

Teaching him to walk, to play and to act like the rest...

Honey you simply are truly loved, youre the best.

Yes we miss our Nick, and nothing will replace him,

But being here with us, has lightened the dim.

Some said we shouldn't have had any more,

But look at our life, its amazing...top score!

You have opened our eyes that God in in charge,

Our lives are worth living, his miracles...quite large.

So Happy Birthday to you, our gift from above,

You have given us pride, hope, joy and love.

written my me (michele)

Happy 5th Birthday Gina. Mommy and Daddy love you more than words can say.

In My Mind

In my mind, you are perfect,

With your missing little tooth that all eyes are drawn to.

Big brown eyes that say a million words that you may never say.

Your smile melts my heart, warms my soul and makes me giggle

Just knowing you know.

In my mind, you are healthy,

You run, laugh, play and sleep.

You can hear a bird chirp and the wind rustling the leaves

The meds are just routine,

The feeds...a peace of mind.

There are no diagnosis's and there are no labels...just you.

In my mind, you are brilliant,

Chasing you out the door because you want to explore...

Lining things up ever so perfect,

Grouping things that are somehow connected...

Knowing but unable to voice an opinion, a request...a want.

A world of knowledge hidden behind a seemingly locked door.

In my mind, you are invincible,

Surviving under dire odds

Being feisty enough to pull through illness after illness...

Your pain tolerance is though the roof with everything you've been through.

Strong enough to try to do things on your own...wanting no one but needing someone

And yet...when you're around...I am scared.

Scared of losing you...

Scared of losing me...

Scared of losing life.

In my mind, I am scared.

The Rainbow after the storm

A rainbow is a gift, a sign all will be good...

It's that joy after a storm, that is sometimes misunderstood.

God gave us a rainbow for our family to cherish...

One when all hope and faith was ready to perish.

These last two years have been such a blessing,

They have healed the wounds, really has been the dressing.

Thinking back on everything and what this has meant...

The walking, the talking, and encouragement.

You were given to us for a reason we see,

And only God really knows...he holds the key.

God gave you to us because he felt all our pain...

The sadness, the emptiness....its hard to explain.

Losing a child and then, another so sick,

Hoping and praying...nothing did the trick.

When out of the blue, a test came back...yes

Mommy sat and cried, I didn't want this mess.

I lost a child, why didn't God keep him here...

Why give me another, it seemed so severe.

The thoughts of replacing him was scary and sad,

But God showed me something, I stopped being mad.

I thank God every day that he felt we cope,

A loss and a sick one...we were at the end of our rope.

I wasn't replacing him, I was gaining a child...

Who is strong and resilient yet sweet, caring and mild.

You have help your brother and family to heal...

Our hearts and hope you have quickly come to steal.

Kenny needed someone, his twin couldn't be,

The bond that you created is so special, you see.

Teaching him to walk, to play and to act like the rest...

Honey you simply are truly the best.

Yes we miss our Nick, and nothing will replace him,

But being here with us, has lightened the dim.

Some said we shouldn't have had any more,

But look at our life, its amazing...top score!

You have opened our eyes that God in in charge,

Our lives are worth living, his miracles...quite large.

So Happy Birthday to you, our gift from above,

You have given us pride, hope, joy and love.

written my me (michele)

Happy 2nd Birthday Gina. Mommy and Daddy love you more than words can say.

Just a little poem

I know I haven't posted in a loooong time. There is so much happening in our lives right now that it's been really hard to even find the time to get online! Anyhow, I found a beautiful poem that has brought many tears to my eyes and would love to share with you.

A Different Child

A different child,

People notice

There's a special glow around you.

You grow

Surrounded by love,

Never doubting you are wanted;

Only look at the pride and joy

in your mother and father's eyes.

And if sometimes

Between the smiles

There's a trace of tears,

One dayYou'll understand.

You'll understand

There was once another child

A different child

Who was in their hopes and dreams.

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes

That child will never keep them up at night

In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.

Except sometimes, in a silent moment,

When mother and father miss so much

That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly

And may you learn the lesson forever

How infinitely precious

How infinitely fragile

Is this life on earth

One day, as a young man or woman

You may see another mother's tears

Another father's silent grief

Then you, and you alone

Will understand

And offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost,

You will tell them

With great compassion,

"I know how you feel. I'm only here

Because my mother tried again."

Written by Pandora Diane MacMillan

I have also finished the second half of my twin movie. I will be posting it asap.
Kenny has been sick on and off this whole winter season. It is mostly his lungs that are giving him problems. He is on Albuterol for his wheezing episodes. He has learned to love the smell of Vicks! LOL! His physical therapy has been doing OK...but because of being sick a lot, he has missed going to some of his appointments. Luckily, The PT comes to our house 2 times a month!
He is now a very vocal and active little man. We are working on his arm strength. His legs are getting nice and strong...he is even placing weight on them and locking his little knees, bur he is still not grabbing for things and not lifting his upper body up on his arms a whole lot. Oh! I also started him on baby food. He loves his sweet potatoes, cereal and bananas...but cant stand peas and beans. He is around 14 1/2 lbs now...my little chub-ster! I guess that's about it. Will update very soon with pics!

A beautiful poem

I found a great poem for me

WHAT MAKES A MOTHER
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?
"And I know I heard Him say."
A Mother has a baby
"This we know is true"
But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this
God I want my baby to be here.
"He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'
So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother. Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"


I have been having a pretty rough couple of days. Kenny is doing GREAT. They did a head ultrasound and also a chest x-ray today to see how he is doing. We wont get the results back till tomorrow. He is at his birth weight today too! woo hoo! I just love him soooo much!!! I'll be posting tomorrow to update everyone on how he is doing.