Please read and sign the petition...PLEASE!!!

Hi everyone, I just want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year!!! If you haven't noticed, I have a petition box on my blog. My family is trying to get enough signatures to print out and sent to the producers of Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I know it is a long shot, but we already filled out the application...our next big thing to do is make a video...any ideas would be great. We really, really need this. I know that I got a comment stating that I should say what we have or are doing for our community because there is nothing on it...well, we have done so much...we donate clothes, food and toys (that haven't been beat up by the kids) to the areas all around us. My husband has done many things for the schools, churches, the Cystic Fibrosis foundation, American Heart Association, and cities around here...signs from fundraisers to centerpieces and tickets...My husband is the kind of guy that makes friends with everyone. He can go anywhere and strike up a conversation with them. Always looking for the good in all, he never is quick to judge anybody. Not only is he a very hard worker, but he spends time with our kids...takes them here or there...while I stay home with the little ones, or the ones that are sick at the time. He even joined the school PTU...now how many dads can you honestly say you know, that actually ENJOYS doing all the school functions that he can! He always has to make sure that the elderly people around us...well actually...most of our neighbors around us, have their yards raked in the fall and their driveway and walkways shoveled in the winter. He makes sure that we give food to the needy, even though sometimes we ARE the needy. We may not have a "cause" to fight in the community, or a state funded grant for a "cause", but we help and care for those around us with what we have to offer.
So if you all would be so kind to pass this petition on to everyone you know and have them sign it, I would be forever grateful to you.
A great big THANK YOU to all of you that have already signed! Thank you all for the nice notes you left with your signature! Love you all!

Now I would like to take this time to publicly thank my family for everything that have done for us. My husbands business has slowed WAY down because of 1)Kenny being in and out of the hospital and 2)the economy...no one has the money for signs and graphics...advertising is the first to be cut from a budget. So this past month has been one that we would much rather not talk about. We have been struggling... and my family helped us out with a Christmas dinner and presents for the kids...Thank you all very, very much! Also, Tony's brother gave him a van, since his died. This is such a bad time for us...I've been so down about it. So sorry if I've been distant lately...it's been a very bad couple of years...Nicks death, Kenny with all his problems, financial, and a few other things...mix it all together, and you get a very stressful emotional mess.
I am so thankful to God that our marriage is a strong one, because through everything, we have each other...like our marriage vows, for richer or poorer, through sickness and health...yep...been there...done that...in 13 short years of marriage! I would not wish any of this...on anybody...and for everyone that has told us that we shouldn't of had so many kids...we wouldn't trade a hug or a smile from any one of our kids!!!! They ARE what life is about. We are proud of all of our kids and will make the best out of what God has given us (and has taken away) I can only hope that when they are grown, they rally around one another like our family has done for us...THANK YOU!
Oh, I am also still getting angel ornaments from people...I love them, thank you for sending us a little happiness.

I can hear at last!

Today is the start of a new Kenny! He has gotten his hearing aids! It is going to be a slow "getting used to them" process because, all he wants to do now is rip those suckers right out of his ears! Soooo....what we are doing is one ear at a time. He seems fine with only one in...doesn't even know it is in, so we will be doing this until he starts to realize that they help him hear and are not just a toy to throw or bite! LOL! For the times that he has had one in his ear, he seems so much more aware of everything. It's like watching a small miracle unfold with him! I cant wait till he can keep them in both ears and starts to really take off, developmentally! He will definitely need them for life, but hey, a small price to pay to hear!

Thank you all for the prayers for Johnnie, they seem to be working. He should be getting out of the hospital tonight...hopefully. He has had a few rounds of antibiotics and he pretty much has to be away from all germs. He has some sort of infection of the bone marrow...or something like that. When I find out more, I will update. :)

We had our "BIG" snow storm last night through today...ummm...started off as snow, turned to rain...If anything, there was lots of slush...I was hoping that the last day of school would not get cancelled because of the ice that we were supposed to get...thank God it was just slush! I'll tell ya what though, the trees looked so pretty with the little ice that did form on the branches...

So now all the kids are off school for 2 whole weeks....I need ideas that will keep them busy...I actually need ideas that will keep me sane!!!

Things I love...

I figured that I have been feeling very down lately, with everything going on in my life, that I would list what I love....so...here goes...
My family
My husband when he hugs me
When my kids smile and are truly happy
Watching Kenny sleep...he sleeps on his tummy...very, very cute!
Trying to change Gina's shirts...she is very ticklish under her arms, and she cracks up every time I try to take something off or put something on her!
Christmas music

My sisters because we all have this bond that is so very special to me...I love you all

My parents because even though they are a million miles away, I can still call them and they can make me feel better...love you guys!

My friends...even though I am not around much or call them...I love them (Denise...yes you!)Snow...when I don't have to go outside

4:00 am-7:00 am...because it is MY time...no kids (after I get one of the babies to sleep)
My church...they have helped us very much these past 2 years.
My kitchen...I still love it after 3 years after I redesigned it...It's my favorite part of my old, small house.
My Angel ornaments
My Foxes that live in my back yard...its so fun watching them play back there.
My garden in the summer
The first warm Spring day
Being able to fit into my clothes that I wore when I was 20...even after 9 pregnancies!
Making jewelry and headpieces....I feel so accomplished when I finish a piece!
Oh...Painting my Christmas village...you know, those unfinished plaster pieces...well, I have a whole village that I painted...LOVE IT!
Harry Connick Jr, his voice AND his looks...(heehee...had to throw him in, sorry Tony, you know I love you more! LOL)
The smell of lilacs
The look of Hydrangeas and roses
New Years Eve...we always have a little party with the kids...just like when I was little! Which brings me to the next one...
Traditions!
My Grandma Chiaverini's Squid in her spaghetti sauce...even though I haven't had it for years!
Artichokes...yummy!
A big feather pillow and warm, soft blanket!
New make-up
and I'll end the list with Obsession perfume...Reminds me of when I first met Tony!

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary (but have been together for 19).
What 13 years does to a person and what happens in those 13 years!
In 13 years we:

bought a house
my husband started his own sign business
had 8 living children
had 2 miscarriages
had 1 child die
bought several cars (from a Toyota MR2, to a 4 door sedan to a minivan and finally a 12 passenger) LMBO!!!
seen several close family members and friends pass away
seen many, many family members and friends have children of their own
been on only a few vacations (but that's OK...were saving up for something big!)
and I became a stay at home mom.

Oh and the firsts...let me tell you...all the firsts that we experienced together:
Death of our child (I pray, no one should ever experience this one)
Our kids birthdays
the first day of school for them
redecorating our house/yard
oh my, I can go on and on...

Births...all preterm...out we were expecting again...and again...and again....etc.. including finding out we were expecting twins...

I remember how stunned we were when the tech told us that there were 2 in there!

Not many people approved of us having so many children, but we chose what God has blessed us with, not by what people have scolded us for.

We have been through more than what most couples go through. I am hoping that the worst of it is over though.

So, Tony...Happy Anniversary Honey. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and less than tomorrow! Thank you for weathering the storms that we have been through together...I know things have not come very easy for us, but I love you none-the-less.

Here's to the next 13!

The Signing Snowman

Yes, today was an eye opener for our family. We went to an event that the Regional Infant Hearing Program held. It was for the kids in their program and their families. They read 2 books while the snowman signed...it was so nice. My kids really enjoyed meeting new friends...actually, Tony and I did too. My first instinct was to say that MY child was not like this and we really don't belong...but as I sat and watched all these little babies and kids...I realized..."Oh my gosh, we ARE one of these families, my child DOES need hearing aids....he IS one of those kids that cant hear very well". It was kind of hard to swallow, but as the party went on, I started to feel more relaxed to the idea. It is very strange how, when thrown into a situation, what transpires...my children are all learning signs for everyday simple words...I love it. My 3 year old is one of the ones that LOVES to sign...and she shows off how well she can and all the different words.
This is a picture of Kenny signing "more"...

Here is a picture of them making snowmen out of Graham crackers, marshmallows, pretzels and m&m's....the had tons of fun doing this:And this is the kids posing with Frosty the Snowman (who, by the way, was over-heating in the costume).So afterwards, we went to the cemetery to take Nick's snow cross marker and a Christmas tree...My baby needed a tree! I am going to be adding more, but it was just waaaay to cold out! I have a wreath that I am going to be putting on the cross...and I also am going to be getting some poinsettias to put there too. I feel like I should do more, but I am trying to tell myself that Nick isn't there...he is in Heaven...it's mostly for us..the decorations, the notes that I bury to him..its all for us. Speaking of angels....I would like to share with the whole world, my angel Christmas tree. Most of these angels came from people from around the United States that granted my wish for angel ornaments from wishuponahero.com! I just wanted to have something that would remind me that my angels (Nick & my 2 miscarriage babies) were still with our family...in spirit. These wonderful strangers had a heart and sent them to me, so not only will I remember my angels, I will know that there is loving, kind and caring people in this world every Christmas that I put up this tree. If anyone would like to send me one for this tree or even next years, let me know in a comment and I will get back to you. My goal is to have a huge tree with angels from all over the world...and maybe...even...one day in our dream home ...
yes, we are a little obsessed with this house...its beautiful...just right now...a little out of reach (yes ...God, I am still waiting for that black cloud that is over our family right now to lift and You grant us a miracle...any day now).

So...anyhow....I'll end this post with a picture of our tree and the mantle full of stockings...we filled that up fast! LOL

And...yes....we DO have plug in fake logs! LMBO!!!

updates

Oh, It about time that I start posting again.

Lets see, Kenny is feeling MUCH better. He is actually back to his old self again. He is now crawling on his hand rather than his forearms! It is a very big accomplishment for him. Especially since he has not had PT/OT for a while, because of being in the hospital. He also is starting to sign! Yes, that is right! He now does the sign for "more" and "finished". I am so excited about this because before this, he really has not been communicating with us. We are still working on the signs for mom, dad, car (since he loves to look outside at the cars), and milk. This Saturday we are going to a "Signing Snowman" function that the Infant Regional Hearing Loss group is having. This will be our first time at any of their events. Kenny will be getting his hearing aids next Friday (the 19th). I am very nervous about this whole thing, but know that it will be a good thing for him.
Oh, I also have been able to get him to eat again. Its still the stage 2's but, at least he is eating again. I even gave him the liquid part to Campbell's alphabet soup...with some baby cereal to thicken it up...AND HE ATE IT! As you can tell, eating has been an issue for him. So we are slowly making progress!

Gina, his baby sister, is growing like a weed!!! I swear, she is going to surpass him in weight very soon! I don't think I have ever had a baby that likes to eat as much as her...I guess I can contribute that to having her at 36 weeks rather than 23 or even 34 weeks like the rest of my kids! I have to remember that she is developing right on target for her age...Kenny is not. I should be used to the "normal" but I have gotten very used to Kenny and his delays, that anything new that Gina does, I am flipping out that she is so advanced...but she is just right on! LOL. She is grabbing for things, trying to sit (with help of course), and just interacts so nicely...its so bittersweet.

I am still in the realm of wondering why God took Nick. What was/is His plan? Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER give Gina up or wish she wasn't here...She is my little ray of sunshine, But why couldn't God just let me be a mom of my twins. I guess he kind of is letting me, because Kenny and Gina are so close in age...and if you factor in the developmental delays, they are even closer. I am trying to move on and accept the way things are, I really am...I am waiting and hoping for the day that I wake up and accept my life, and what has, is, and will happen.

As for my other children, they are all busy with school. I cant believe that next Friday is the last day of school before Christmas break! I get to have the kids home with me for...two...whole...weeks! ummm. I really need to find things for these kids to do while home...I am up for any suggestions...that doesn't cost money since my husbands business is very slow. I am really hoping this slump ends...because if it doesn't...god knows what could happen. It also doesn't help that we are down to one vehicle, since his work van died. Yep...this year is just sooo good for us (dripping with sarcasm).
One final note to self: When you are diagnosed with dry eyes, no matter what...keep putting the eye gel in at night! Last Friday to Saturday...my cornea tore! I would give birth any day then experience a corneal abrasion! k...that all. ;)

Pneumonia and Kenny

I've been gone for a couple of days because our little Kenny was hospitalized for Pneumonia.
Tony took him into his routine Pulmonologist appt. on Tuesday, the doctor took one look at him and placed him in the hospital with IV antibiotics, fluids, liquid steroids and Albuterol every couple of hours. He spent 2 days there...and it did wonders...for him. He now has diarrhea from the medicine. While in the hospital, he learned the sign for "more". He does it all the time now! Next week, we are going to a "signing snowman" party given by the Hearing loss center. It sounds like fun for the whole family.
Today is the 22nd angelversary for my brother, John. I remember that day like it was yesterday. My parents were taking my twin and I to tour Bowling Green State University...It was such a special day because none of their kids went to college...this was the first time looking at a college for their kids! Anyhow...we got there and a police car stopped our car as we were in a parking lot. The officer told my parents to follow them to the station. There, They had to call home. My sister told them the news that my brother died. He has a heart attack. At age 24! I never saw my parents cry so hard. That whole way home was torture. We all were so sad. My parents' hearts were broken forever. How could this happen? Their only son...a young father of 2 and one on the way...my only brother. Why? I remember them pulling the car over several times just to hold each other and cry. We got to the hospital and were taken in the family room, where everyone was. My parents went to see John in the room that they worked on him. Who would of thought that 21 years later, I would be experiencing the same heartache. I asked my parents when does the missing, the sadness, the emptiness go away...they told me that it doesn't, it just gets easier to live with.
John was a crazy brother...he was so typical of a big brother...always picking on his little sisters. LOL. He worked with at the High school that we attended. Loved by all. One of the last memories I have is of him sitting in the auditorium and listening to our singing group, The Heights Singers, practice for our winter concert. We made it through the concert, but with many tears! So John...I love and miss you dear brother. Your kids are beautiful. I wish you were here so I can make fun of your gray hair...or being a grandpa...but since you are not, Please take care of Nick for me.

Post Thanksgiving

Ah...Thanksgiving is over and it all seemed like a blur! When you have 7 kids, 4 of whom are sick...it is not a warm feeling (unless they are puking from coughing so hard)!

There is not much to be thankful for this year...I really wish there was. Financially, we are not doing that great, the kids, especially Kenny, hasn't been feeling well...not to mention all the problems (developmentally, hearing, lungs and eating) he has. My other kids are feeling tons of stress in our house, which I really want to tell them it will get better...but I need to believe it first. I feel like we are in a dark hole that we cant get out of.

Enough of my depressing babble...

We did, however, make something that I haven't made since I was a little girl...

Salt Dough ornaments! It is very fun...and the kids had a blast! (this was the LAST WEEK) LOL!

The holiday started off pretty well, on Thanksgiving eve the we all sat and cut up bread for the stuffing...it was one tradition that I really wanted to keep from when I was little. The kids were really into it this year. They knew exactly the size to cut the bread...it was very cute.

Then it was onto the pies...we made 4 chocolate and 2 pumpkin...I would have made more, but nobody told me that there was a difference between "sweetened" condensed milk and "non-sweetened"... I got the sweetened and was it thick! Kinda made the pumpkin pies take on an almost candy taste. The kids liked the chocolate pies better anyhow.

Onto Thanksgiving day....

Woke up nice and early (after being up with Gina and Kenny for about 4 hours total) at 6:30...started the stuffing, cleaned the 2 turkeys that we had. We usually get a 22 pounder, but instead, we bought a 12 and a 14 pounder. I was making 2 so one can stay here and one was to go over to my sister in laws house...since that was where we were going to have dinner this year. I was really looking forward to going...had the turkey, the brussel sprouts that we HAVE to have! Tony, my nephew John and his friend went to go to their annual "Turkey Bowl" football game. This was my husbands...I think 16th year...he will never get old...and that is what I like about him. He is always playing around like a kid. Loves football, baseball, basketball....anything that keeps him busy. I wish I had his energy! This is them getting ready to go have fun.

It all looked like everything was going like the perfect Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving I was hoping for...the kids were watching the Macy's Day Parade...my daughter Morgan looks forward to the Rockettes....ever since she was a little 3 yr. old...she had gotten to the point of critiqueing their outfits this year. She preferred last years outfits to this years. LOL! My Niece (John's wife) stayed over and was helping me with the kids. It was perfect....

until....

about a half hour before we were ready to leave, the 4 youngest ones started with the coughing that would not stop! What the heck was going on!

It ended up, that Tony took the 3 older ones to his sisters house while I stayed home with the sickies and made the side dishes for our dinner...which we were going to end up eating here. The kids took naps, and when Tony came home with the kids (around 5:30), Kayleigh and Kenny both had fevers of 102! Oh JOY! Then came the coughing that started the puking...um..can I get off the train yet...please? LOL

So fast forward a couple of days....3 nights from "you know where". Maybe....just maybe...8 hours of sleep TOTAL. It doesn't do a body or mind good.

Friday I took Kenny to get fitted for his hearing aids...It was a bittersweet moment. I know that he will be able to hear, and finally start picking up some more communication skills, but still...he has been through so much in his little life, that he shouldn't have to have a hearing problem. And yes, it is permanent. It isn't just for a short time...it is forever. It is a lot to take in. Anyhow, I picked out an almost indigo-ish color for the part that goes behind his ears, and the part that goes in his ears will be clear.

I also took him to his peds on Saturday morning because, again...all Friday night, he was up coughing and puking (from coughing so much). I was giving him his Pulmicort and Albuterol along with Vicks on his chest and back for his breathing...on a good note, he wasn't(isn't) wheezing...just coughing and breathing fast. The doctor just told me to keep up with the Albuterol for the cough. His pulse ox was 96...which is pretty normal for him...I was very relieved about that...I really thought he was going back in the hospital. I hate the cooler months for this reason.

We are all smooshed in this little house, we cant help but breathe on each other...there is no way around getting sick in here. My husband calls our house a "pathway" house...because there is only one path to walk through! And you know what...he is SO right!

I did put up the tree...we still have a lot of the decorations to put on it, but at least it is up...now to get my but in gear and take the "fall" decorations down from outside...maybe I'll make Tony do it. LOL!

I just want to say one more thing.

I want to thank the people on the site http://www.wishuponahero/, I put in a couple of wishes (under mtomecko)...one of which was for angel ornaments for our Christmas tree, and I have received my first one...It just made my day. You know, with all the bad going on in the world...and in my life, It is so nice to see that people that don't even know you, feel for you...care about you. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Now if I can get someone to help out with the dream home wish (we could really use a miracle right about now)...LOL

I'm gonna end this post with a few random pics from the last few days...

Can Gina get any cuter!!!! LOOK AT THOSE CHEEKS!!!

My two sick babies!

Our very own swipper the fox...he was hunting for his Thanksgiving dinner...squirrel...we actually have 3 foxes, one is light tan and huge, while the other 2 look like this!

Me...after 2 nights of no sleep...but I did get the tree up though! LOL! Just had to get a picture of Taylor in here.

Happy Birthday to Tony!

I just want to take a few minutes to wish my husband a very Happy Birthday. Hard to believe that I met him when he was a young 23...now, 20 years later, we are celebrating his 43rd!

We don't have much, but we have each other...and tons of kids...lol!!!

I love you honey! Happy Birthday! Here's to another 43 years!

November 2008

I am running on fumes...lol! I figured I'd update...it's about that time again.
Well, first off, is it possible that a person can function on coffee? Lots and lots of coffee! 7 kids, doing homework with 4 of them, a 4 month old who likes to eat every 2 hours, the same one loves to wake up at night just as much! A 18 month old (who is more like an 8 month old) who has 2 different breathing treatments 3 times a day, pt/ot every week...on top of me working with him every day, him waking up at 3:00 am EVERY night since coming out of the hospital., coughing..and staying up till 5 then by that time Gina is up again, so I just stay up and get the kids school stuff together. I feel like I am in the movie Groundhog Day...it just keeps repeating and repeating! UGH!!!!
Yeah...I am SO ready for a weekend away...yep...anyone willing to watch 7 kids for a weekend? I don't think so! LOL
I love and hate this time of year... I love the first snow fall (which btw, already happened). I love putting up all the decorations, listening to Christmas music, the smell of pumpkin pies, cinnamon, apples and evergreens. Buying or making gifts for people, and watching all the holiday shows. I also just put up our tree...yes I know it's a little early, but...well...I needed a little change from the last couple of Thanksgivings...see, It was 2 years ago that Taylor asked me "mom...if you had twin boys, what would you name them"...2 weeks later, I got a positive on a pregnancy test...then a month after that...was one of the happiest, most exciting times...I found out that I was preggers with twins...my Nick and Kenny. Then last Thanksgiving, I got a positive on another test! This Thanksgiving (NO I am NOT pregnant again), I have a beautiful new daughter, Gina, and my Kenny is working on getting stronger every day. I was hoping that the pain of losing Nick would have gotten easier, but that is not the case.
My days are so busy, I barely have time to breath. I can only hope that it will be worth it in the long run.
I also want to say R.I.P. to Father Robert Hoban. He was the Pastor of our church. He was a wonderful person who cared for everyone. He helped my oldest son, work through the death of Nick. He was also the priest that buried Nick. Who would have thought that a year and a half later he would not be here, but with Nick...probably holding him. He went through so much with the cancer he had, I am praying for his family...what a horrible time of year to lose someone...well...I guess it is never a good time to lose a loved one, but the holidays...so, so sad.
Lets see...my kids are doing very well. Tony, Taylor, Morgan and Sydnie are loving school this year! There is just SO much homework! As they are growing up, I love seeing their personalities come out! Tony is very persistant..LOL...Taylor, well she is a very artistic little girl who really doesn't like makeup, but love dolls. Morgan LOVES makeup, fashion and teen magazines...yup...I'm in trouble with her! LOL. Sydnie is the brainy one...she is only 5 and in kindergarten, but her teacher told us that she should be in first grade! GO FIGURE! Kayleigh is an in between of Sydnie and Morgan, she loves makeup, but also is a little smarty pants...for only being 3! Kenny is the love bug...he loves to be loved and loves being played with. And finally, Gina...She loves to be held and giggles at everything.
Kenny is now getting hearing aids in both ears because he has mild to moderate hearing loss in both ears. It should be interesting to see how he does keeping the aids in the ears. I learned some signs to start doing with Kenny...Mom, Dad, milk, all done, finished, and thank you. I never for the life of me ever thought that I would have to learn sign language. He is also still on 1/8 liter of oxygen at night..which he really doesn't like to keep in! Developmentally, he is crawling on on his forearms and is able to pull up to a kneeling position. I am still real sad that he is still REALLY behind, but we are working with him. I think that once he gets his hearing aids, it will help. I just pray every day that when Kenny starts school, that the kids dont make fun of him and how he talks (because of his hearing loss) and of his aids. I know how cruel kids can be.
Gina, our newest is now 4 months old. She weighs in at a hefty 13 lbs. and is perfect and right on(developmentally) for her age. If we can just get her to sleep through the night now! LOL!!
We had Gina and Kenny baptized a couple of weeks ago. It was beautiful. My sisters were the Godmothers and Tony's friend and brother were the Godfathers. My sisters surprised me with a beautiful sash for Kenny to wear with his name on one side and Nicks on the other...such a nice way to remember Nick on this special day! The outfits that my sisters got for Kenny & Gina were so beautiful. The whole day was very perfect. My twin sister even surprised me by coming in with her whole family from Alabama! I miss them so much! Her kids and mine are as close as sisters and brothers...even though they live so far away from each other!
On a side note...I can use every one's prayers that we either win the lottery or that somehow, someway we come into some money to buy our dream home. We have found it. Tony and I have had our eyes on it for 2 years now. It is everything that we every wanted AND need in a house. It is new, so that means that it is very clean...for Kenny's sake, that is very important. There is no drafts, dust, old paint, mold...well...everything we have in our house now. There is enough space for all of us to live comfortably...it is just perfect...the only problem is that it is very expensive. I have posted on the site wishuponahero.com for prayers...so I will ask all of you for the same. We need some happiness and a miracle. These last 2 years has taken a toll on Tony and myself.

Here is our dream home...(so please say some prayers that somehow we can get it)

Well...let me get going. The kids are starting to get crazy...

Whats with...

Whats with ...

EVERYONE (celebs) expecting TWINS?????!!!!

What...God thought THEY could handle them, but I couldnt? I could have...I would have given anything. These celebs have millions and STILL have twins...I dont have squat, and have a surviving twin that is special needs...I Just dont get it. I try to do everything right in life...go to church, nice to everyone, try to help people as much as possible, etc... yet..God didnt think I could handle twins? I am having a moment! I am feeling really down! Why is it that I couldnt have both of MY twins? LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!! I was so ready to be a mom to twins. It was something that I've always dreamed of. I love my Kenny with all my heart...please dont get me wrong...I just miss the whole "mommy of twins" thing that I was looking forward to. I'm so sad today...maybe it's from lack of sleep...I dunno.I'm going to have a BIG glass of wine now!

Oh...BTW..Happy Birthday (In Heaven) John...tomorrow (Aug. 6)

I hope you are spending it with Nick. Love and miss you, Bro!
I feel really bad for my parents now knowing what it feels like to lose a child. It hurts...birthdays hurt. Love you tons Mom & Dad.

Update On Life

We are proud parents to 8 children...(7 living and one angel)!
I had Gina on the 17th of July @ 36 weeks...the furthest I've ever been with a pregnancy! yeay me! LOL! The labor and birth were perfect. Gina is a little sweetie. She LOVES to sleep on anyone's chest...especially my DH's...oh he is gonna spoil her! LOL!!! She does poop A LOT! Just about every diaper change...and Isomil Advanced formula makes for a very STINKY poop! LMBO! She is up every 3-4 hours which is typical. Thank God I am still used to it from Kenny...who BTW is sleeping through the night now. I don't know what I would do if they BOTH were up all night long! It is harder than if I were to have had the twins, because Kenny is doing more things than her. More demanding and needs more attention, especially with his physical therapy. So my days consist of cleaning, feeding one or the other, changing diapers, physical therapy, and cooking. I really don't mind it. I guess that is what comes with having tons of kids. I just would love to get out of the of the house every once in a while.

Here is the birth story:
I went in to be induced, but I was already contracting. He checked me and I was 4-5 at about 10 p.m. (they were very busy in L & D that night. I was in the triage area from 7-10). Anyhow he told me that he didn't want to give me pitocin because of the previous 2 c-sections...I guess it could bring on too strong of contractions and rip open the old incisions...YUUUUUCK! So...he said that he wanted to break my water, but AFTER I had the epidural, because I go fast. Well...again...the anesthesiologist was in the O.R. till 2:00 am....so until that time, I was STILL just 4-5 dilated (I have to speed this story up, because the kids are driving me nuts!!!)2:00 - broke my water2:30 - got the epi (ahhhhh what a relief)4:00 - the contractions were starting to get strong, but I wasn't feeling any pain...just looking at the monitor!the nurse and student doctor checked me...I was a 65:15 - started getting sick to my stomach and shake...I knew I was getting to 10!!! I had the student doc check me and I was 7-8!5:30 - I felt some pressure in my butt...no pain though! I was shaking real bad and I KNEW I was complete...I told my nurse that someone better check me because I was feeling REALLY bad....she called the doctor in and the doctor checked and said I was a nine....wait....the rest of the cervix just went away...you are now a 10 and ready to push! I couldn't feel myself pushing and I knew I was pushing really wrong....I kept getting really frustrated because of it so my doc got the forceps and just used them to help get her head out. I was pushing for about 10 minutes and out she came. I didn't tear or anything! It was THE BEST birth experience ever! Totally made up for last year with the twins!

Kenny is doing pretty good. We are switching him over to pediasure because he needs to gain some weight (he is not quite 17 lbs.), and I guess it has 30 calories rather than the 24 that Neosure has per bottle. He is still not really sitting up on his own. If I sit with him on the floor, and hold his hips, he sits for about a half hour. Buuut he doesn't use his arms to hold himself up...and that is the problem. He needs to build up his arm muscles. He is not even crawling yet because of his arms. He still is on his forearms and not his hands. He is still on 1/8 liter of oxygen at night though, so that is a big step. We are working on Kenny eating some textured foods because he has a gag reflex to anything with small pieces. This is due to his breathing tube. So he gets half a cheerio in his mouth about 3-4 times a day...until he is comfortable with it...so far...he is so not! He does say mama, dada, aba (baba) though....oh he also says "yeah" when he is excited! LOL!

He is the love of my life and I am so blessed with him...we are just going to keep working on his physical and occupational therapy and get him where he needs to be, developmentally! I am kinda having a hard time with thinking of "what ifs"...you know...what if Nick was here. I would have my twins...which I always knew, in my heart that I would have one day... what would he be doing? How much fun it would be with two baby boys. *sigh* ...It must just be the postpartum kicking in.

Just a little poem

I know I haven't posted in a loooong time. There is so much happening in our lives right now that it's been really hard to even find the time to get online! Anyhow, I found a beautiful poem that has brought many tears to my eyes and would love to share with you.

A Different Child

A different child,

People notice

There's a special glow around you.

You grow

Surrounded by love,

Never doubting you are wanted;

Only look at the pride and joy

in your mother and father's eyes.

And if sometimes

Between the smiles

There's a trace of tears,

One dayYou'll understand.

You'll understand

There was once another child

A different child

Who was in their hopes and dreams.

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes

That child will never keep them up at night

In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.

Except sometimes, in a silent moment,

When mother and father miss so much

That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly

And may you learn the lesson forever

How infinitely precious

How infinitely fragile

Is this life on earth

One day, as a young man or woman

You may see another mother's tears

Another father's silent grief

Then you, and you alone

Will understand

And offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost,

You will tell them

With great compassion,

"I know how you feel. I'm only here

Because my mother tried again."

Written by Pandora Diane MacMillan

I have also finished the second half of my twin movie. I will be posting it asap.
Kenny has been sick on and off this whole winter season. It is mostly his lungs that are giving him problems. He is on Albuterol for his wheezing episodes. He has learned to love the smell of Vicks! LOL! His physical therapy has been doing OK...but because of being sick a lot, he has missed going to some of his appointments. Luckily, The PT comes to our house 2 times a month!
He is now a very vocal and active little man. We are working on his arm strength. His legs are getting nice and strong...he is even placing weight on them and locking his little knees, bur he is still not grabbing for things and not lifting his upper body up on his arms a whole lot. Oh! I also started him on baby food. He loves his sweet potatoes, cereal and bananas...but cant stand peas and beans. He is around 14 1/2 lbs now...my little chub-ster! I guess that's about it. Will update very soon with pics!