Friday, January 30, 2009

I've been thinking...

Yes, that's right...I've been thinking...

I wonder how much the doctors have not told us about what is going to happen to Kenny. KWIM? He is constantly sick, developmentally delayed, sensoritory issues, the hearing loss, eating issues, muscle tone problems and now the possibility of braces because of his muscle tone in his legs...I have been wondering, in the back of my mind, if it was right doing everything humanly and medically possible to keep him alive in the NICU...when the government knows that babies born under a certain weight automatically gets disability. Do doctors know the long range outcome of our micro preemies?There are study after study showing the different things that face micro preemies...Autism, mental problems...its all very scary to me...I read those, and think, "what the heck did I do to my Kenny?" The guilt is overwhelming. Us as parents want only the best for our kids, that means from health to success...and we would do EVERYTHING to protect our babies. But, are we being selfish in wanting our 1 pound babies to survive? To me, the answer is yes, I am/was very selfish. I wanted my babies, both of them, and nothing was going to change my mind.

Except one thing...or should I say, someone...


He chose to take Nick and leave Kenny. Why? I am not sure. but, I look at his beautiful face and see him kissing Gina and laughing and smiling all the time. I see how much progress he has made since those scary days in the NICU near the brink of death. I see how many people his (and Nicks) lives have touched and also see all the people that we got to meet and befriend from them, and I feel we made the totally right decision to keep him alive and here with us. I just wish, hope and pray that he leads a normal, happy, productive, healthy and successfully long life...just as I do with all my kids.

So for all those new mommies and daddies who have just entered this nightmare of having a micro preemie, please don't give up hope. It's very scary but well worth it. You will get a mixed bag of reactions from people...from extreme generosity to completely ignoring that they (your baby) even us...we know. The NICU is such a loving and caring your instincts...if your baby isn't acting right or looking right...say something. And know that the nurses and doctors there are only human. They will do everything they can, but in the long run..its up to God. Try to have faith, it's hard, but you have to in order to survive.

I am trying to think better thoughts. Trying to not to question the past or the future, but to stick with today.
I miss my Nick every day. The pain is as strong as it was the day it happened. But, I also have to remember that there is nothing I can do, think or say to bring him back. I just want to keep his memory alive. I want everyone to know that my husband and I have 8 children...not including my 2 miscarriages...that we are the parents to a set of spontaneous twins...just one is in Heaven. I was blessed to be able to carry twins...even though it was only 23 weeks, I am one of the few that knows what having 2 babies inside you feel like. I will cherish those memories for eternity! I also feel very blessed to have as many kids as I have. Having a Bicornuate uterus, I was told that I was lucky that I had one baby, let alone as many as I had AND a set of twins thrown in!!! My pregnancies were not very good...none of them. All my babies were born early. My first, my water broke at 29 weeks but I was able to keep him in to 34 the hospital! My husband would come to the hospital every evening after work and just sit with me...for 5 weeks! Then my second, third, forth and fifth...I was on and off bed rest throughout the pregnancies only to deliver again at 34 weeks. But I am thankful that they are here...heck, Sydnie and Kayleigh both had true knots in their cords...I have a picture of Kayleighs, but its pretty gross! LOL. So I am lucky that I didn't lose 3 babies! Then came the twins at 23 weeks and Gina blessed us with the most healthy of pregnancies and I had her at 36 weeks! So I have a lot to be thankful for. Yes, we are facing a rough road. Our married life has had it's ups and downs, tested through the years with births, miscarriages, hospital stays, financial woes, etc... but after all that Tony and I have gone through together, It has made us closer as a couple. Raising 7 kids on top of mourning the loss of a child is very hard, but we are handling it. I have hit my lowest these last couple of weeks. I've been tested, and felt like I've failed. I silently vowed to myself, my family and God, that I would start thinking more positive (now if only my kids would start listening to me! LOL!). So, there you have it.

I am still very scared of what the future has in store, but with my husband, my kids and my memories, I will try to make the best out of everyday I have on this earth. I need a vacation!

So all of you that read my blog or even just click on it...


Our family could really use the it would make one heck of a tear-jerker story!

it seemed to have slowed down in signatures...Pass it on to everyone you know...and make sure you tell those to pass it on! LOL!

My opinion on the birth of those 8 babies

She already has 6 at home!!! They range in age from 7-2! I'm pretty ticked off about this because there is no way she should have been taking fertility meds...none! Is it now a "thing to do"...lets see how many premature babies I can carry at one time...MAN! this really is hitting a nerve with me. That would be like me getting fertility treatments. Were they all looking to get the media coverage, money, book deals, name it? I just don't understand. Just because she probably wants her 15 min of fame. Is there a law as to who can get treatments? doesn't it seem like people, including celebs, abuse the whole fertility treatment issue? Shouldn't it be for people that are having a hard time getting pregnant and not for people who just want "twins" or 12 kids all at once, so they can break records...etc? I find it disgusting that these people are doing this. Does money mean that you can choose to have twins, triplets...octuplets...Do these people know what happens in a NICU? I know first hand...its not pretty...and they are risking the lives of those innocent babies! Not to mention all the problems they are facing as they get older. I say, shame on the doctors and hospital for even thinking about implanting more than 2 in this woman...even 3...she has a 2 year old for god sake. What kind of fertility problems could she possibly have? Was the hospital looking to cash in on this record breaking pregnancy/delivery? Come on! Shame on the parents too. Do they think they hit the lottery? I pray that those babies are healthy and lead a great life....but I sit here startled at the fact that at one time, fertility treatments were used to help couples who were having a hard time conceiving on their own, and now its being used be people who want more than one. Look at all the celebs that have started having twins...there is NO WAY that these people conceived them spontaneously...none! Especially since getting a picture on a magazine cover can pay millions! Does that mean if I had money, both my twins would be here? Its just disgusting...that's all.
OK... I read some of the articles surrounding this and she has had fertility treatments in the past...hence her set of 2 yr. old twins...
Well if she has fertility issues in the past...don't you think that they should of only implanted a couple eggs...I mean...7 eggs (I'm giving them that because they didn't know about #8). Is there a limit as to how many they can/will implant? Isn't there a moral code for doctors or something? They knew that the fertility treatments worked...they worked for her last implanting all those fert. eggs and then offering her selective reduction was the hospitals fault. How do they expect a pregnant woman to "reduce" her pregnancy...they should of only put a few in!I am not bashing the parents for wanting children...I am bashing everyone involved for risking the lives of the babies and mother...just for publicity and that is ALL it comes down to...when you look at the whole thing! I know that in some articles, they said that they were going to be hard to find...but...come on...when the $$ offers start, they wont turn it one would.

Added comment: I was sent this comment anonymously and want to comment on it:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "My opinion on the birth of those 8 babies": I'm sorry, but I really don't think it is our business to judge. Honestly, as I read your blog and how all of your pregnancies were rough and risky, my first thought was "why did she keep getting pregnant and risking more little lives? Why didn't she adopt instead?"There are many people out there who don't think people should have 8 kids like you did, especially when you live in such a small house. People might call that irresponsible. We don't know why this family made the choices they did, but it isn't our business. The family asked for privacy, and I think they deserve it.

I want to let people know that my post and feelings have nothing to do with how many kids this person has, it has to deal with the ethical factors that were involved with putting so many fertilized eggs inside of ANY woman, at one time. I didn't "attack" anyone. To come at me stating the fact that I shouldn't of had all these kids, should have adopted, and call ME irresponsible was very inappropriate...maybe that is why this person chose to stay anonymous, IDK. I have a loving home, money to feed, clothes and give my kids a nice life. I teach them right from wrong, how to be responsible kids, send them to a good catholic school...and my house is kept as nice as it can be. It is small, but we don't know any other way. I'm not the only one questioning this woman...It just so happened that I was one of few that questioned it its all over the its not just me!
I wish no wrong on anybody nor do I judge people...I was stating facts about this whole situation.
Thank you.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Snowstorm 09

I just had to post some snow storm pictures from today...

Morgan and Kayleigh wanted to brave the elements! Morgan will be coming in the house all broken out in hives because she is very allergic to this...but at least she is having some fun!

Oh to be a kid again!

Oh yeah...doesnt this look like F - U - N!!!!

And here is one of Kenny...minus the hearing aids...

Monday, January 26, 2009

Kenny hits 20 lbs!

Yes that is right...our little 1 lb. 7 oz. little man has finally hit the big 2-0! At 20 months old, Kenny has hit that magical number! Woo Hoo! Twenty pounds means he actually will be sitting in a regular car seat...FORWARD. We are beyond excited

On the down side to that...he is sick...again. Actually, Gina is the one with the Bronchiolitis/RSV, so we are going to have to keep an eye on both of the little ones. We were up all night, between Gina coughing and crying and Kenny with his fast, shallow breathing...I would sit and count how many breaths per minute he'd be breathing and it was 60 bpm all night...needless to say, it didn't make for a very relaxing night. I am hoping tonight is a little better.

Gina had her 6 month old check up today and she is a healthy 16 lbs. So I guess it's 2 new car seats very soon...gotta love my Irish twins! LOL!!! She is starting to scoot and pivot when on her belly also grab for things with both hands now. You know, even after all these kids, I still find it so fascinating how babies can just start hitting milestone after milestone and do things that just a week prior to, couldn't...I am in such awe of what God has created.

This weekend was such a busy one for our bunch. My 3 oldest kids read the petitions at the family mass on Sunday...the practiced all week long...and all 3 did a fantastic job! They each had a word or 2 that they stumbled over while practicing, but when it came down to it...all three read their petitions perfectly. I was so proud of them. Oh, to top it off, it was a crowded mass, so they had to read in front of a tons of people (I could NEVER do that!).

After church, the school had open house (they go to Catholic school). You know, I never get tired of seeing what my kids have done in school. I love seeing their good grade papers on the walls. All the art projects that they have been working on. I love seeing and talking with all the teachers and parents. We have really made some great friends and acquaintances there during these past 6 years! My husband, who used to go to St. Francis, gave the gym a little "face lift" this week... He wanted it to look nice for the open house. It's nice to see someone that really takes pride in his Alma mater! It's still sad that Fr. Hoban wasn't there to see the gym, all the school kids and well, just about everything...he is really missed.

On a different note,

I had a visitor tonight...As I was cleaning the kitchen from Little Tony and I making pizzelles for his cub scout's bake off, someone knocked on our side door. I thought it was one of my husbands friends or clients or something, so I answered the door. There stood a man holding a box of bakery...he went on to thank us for putting up the sign in our front yard...(a little side note)...Since we live on a main road and know a lot of police officers, my husband decided a few years back, to put up a sign in our front yard telling people to "thank a police officer, their doing their job for us"...then when a cop was killed a couple of years ago, he put up a sign next to it in honor of that fallen police officer...well, since then, he put up 3 more. The latest officer was a 24 year old named Jarod Dean, who was killed cleaning up after an accident.

Anyhow, getting back to this person at my side door. So then, he proceeded to tell me that Jarod was his heart went to the floor and then to my throat. This man standing in front of me just lost his brother...not even a week ago...and he is giving US bakery?! I so badly wanted to hug him and tell him that I know what he and his family is going through...because I too lost a brother. I wanted to talk with him so much, but all that came out was that I was sorry for his loss and that we were praying for their family...that's it! OMG! I just went blank! I am planning of getting hold of his family to explain my "lack of words". I just feel so bad that I just stood there like a deer in headlights..he completely caught me off guard. That poor family, they have a long road ahead of them. My love and prayers go out to them.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Our March Of Dimes day

Well today was very therapeutic for me. I finally got out of the house a little bit and did something for a cause. I was at a booth for the March Of Dimes passing out info. I loved it. I made friends, got to great just was very nice. So nice, that I really want to get involved in all of the local fundraising and the events that take place. It is a cause that I really believe in...every baby should be born healthy...and on time! From a mom who had all her babies early...I would have loved to have known the feeling of a healthy pregnancy and baby. I know that because of my bicornuate uterus that having a full term pregnancy is almost not thought of, but for those women who have their babies early for no reason or because they don't have insurance or the money for prenatal care along with vitamins...just shouldn't be. It's amazing how as I was sitting at the booth, women would just walk by....actually try to avoid the table, like I was going to be one of those surveyors at the mall or was pretty funny. If those women only knew the struggle that a mother and father of a premature baby has to deal with...the NICU, the hospital visits, the doctor appts...if they only knew that the March Of Dimes gives so much to help these babies and their is Kenny flirting with everyone that walked by...oh yeah..he was our little spokesperson for the day! My husband also confirmed that he is a "chick magnet". Tony was such a great dad today. He ended up walking the mall about 10 times with most or all of the kids. LOL He had to of gotten the looks...a guy, no wife around, and 7 kids...oh yeah...the women walking the mall were probably thinking that he is the worlds greatest dad and hubby....which he is...and the guys in the mall were probably thinking that he is screwed because if there was no wife around...that means he was probably divorced...and divorced with Sunday visitations with 7 kids = a whole lot of child support! LMBO!!! But anyways...the kids were, for the most part, really good. They got to go to a mall...which they have not done in about 2 years, help me out....yes, they passed out bags and information packets, and it was just an overall nice day.... except for the snow storm that dumped 4 more inches! Blah!

This is Little Tony, Kenny and myself...

When I did get the chance to look around at the bridal booths that were set up, I fell in love with this local bakery... these cakes were so beautiful..made me want to get married all over again! These were my favorites!!!
So now that I am inspired to make a difference in prematurity... Our whole family will be walking the March of Dimes, March for Babies walk April 26. We will be walking because ALL of my children were premature...and that's a lot of prematurity in one family! I am striving to reach our goal of $500 raised, so if anyone would like to make a donation for a great cause, feel free to help.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I found a few pictures....

The picture above is a month after he was born, so a whole month of growing was involved here!!! His fingers were much smaller than a macaroni noodle!!!
I found a few pictures of Kenny when he was in the NICU...this is a perfect one to show you the size he was...I could pretty much hold him in my hand...its so amazing that such perfect tiny little beings can actually survive....what a miracle that I have...that I stare at every day! We had PT/OT today and she and myself both noticed Kenny's left foot rolling inwards. I wasn't sure if that was because he was just starting to stand against stuff or what, so I asked her what she made of it. She wants us to keep an eye on it because it might be is "low tone" in his lower half that is causing it....worst case scenario would be a brace...So when I go to the doctors with Kenny, I'll ask them to take a look at it. I am hoping that it doesn't cause him any discomfort or pain...I just want him to be alright. On another note...I also found, on my computer, some small videos that I took of him in the NICU when he was first trying to open his eyes! I am so excited that I got that on tape! know your a micro preemie mommy when you can honestly say that you saw your baby with his eyes fused together and you also saw them open for the first time! LOL!

Oh...and one more little guy ate 2...that's right...2 french fries! YEAY FOR KENNY!!!

I took this picture yesterday (Monday), because he just looked so...well...perfect! He was so comfortable taking his nap...I just love my guy!
I have to show you our snow. It has been non stop snowing here in Northeastern Ohio...and let me tell is getting old...really fast! This is our deck looking into the backyard...this was taken this morning. I'd say we got about 3 more inches on top of that! YUCK!Its not only the snow...its the cold. I am such a freeze baby that going skiing would be like a death sentence to me. LOL Nope, winter and I don't mix! And just to think...only 2-3 more months of it. Oh yeah. I'm looking forward to it, aren't you! LOL!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Life....why does it have to be so hard

I am trying to understand why life...the one that is supposed to be fun, adventurous and exciting, turning into more of a life of sadness, fear and unknowing. After the first one, It just felt natural. I love being a mommy...what I didn't sign up for was the fact that I had 8 children, 1 child die, 2 miscarriages, a child that struggles every day, and the question of why. Why did so much heartache have to happen to Me (and Tony), why does my husband have to work so hard for 10 years making his sign business sucessful, and it only takes 2 months for everything to almost fall apart. No warning, no nothing...You give and give, and think that because you give and give, things will be good...well that is what is supposed to happen...right? For people to look down on us for having so many kids. It's not because we had so many kids that things are bad! We have a lot of love to give our little ones. I am holding onto hope that this is a minor setback. Heck, everyone has bad times...ours is just lasting a good 2 years! ANYTIME NOW...the cloud will lift and things will pick up.. Again, I do not regret having my children, I love them with all my heart. I wouldn't trade them in for anything! I just wish I had more to give them. I wish that they had their own stuff, their own personal space. I wish that we didn't have to protect Kenny from getting sick, that we could go out as a family, that we could go on a vacation. My kids would love to go on a family vacation...anywhere, but right now, we cant. I'd love to have sleepovers, after school play dates, dance and music lessons,..but...nope. So, for that, I feel sorry and AM sorry to my kids. I would love to snuggle up at night with my hubby without 2 kids in between us in our bed...and for that I am sorry. I would love to get my husband an Anniversary present...or just an Anniversary dinner, but no, not this year. This year is not starting off very well.

It seems like all my posts are more and more depressing...well, it not is just how things are going at the moment, I am scared about how Kenny will turn out...well all my kids for that matter, but Kenny especially. There is no way a baby born at 23 weeks, a baby who missed most of the 2nd and all of the 3rd trimester can be OK. I see what he is doing and what he is going through, daily...I am praying to God that life is good to him and that he will be OK, have happiness, friendships and be successful in whatever he does. Again, I want this for all my kids, but because Kenny has some major issues, I just hope life is gentle on him. Not to mention the everyday junk... the washer broke, my cell phone broke, my computer broke, the coffee maker broke...I thought things were supposed to happen in groups of does that mean I have to wait for 2 more things to break?...oh wait...LOL...only one more...I am already broke! LOL! So I'll end it on this...

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.


Friday, January 16, 2009

Update to laundry...

I just wanted to post some pictures so you all dont think we live like hoarders! LOL

In the last post, you saw my laundry and the stuff that we were giving to Goodwill....well...Tony took the stuff yesterday and since the weather took a nose dive to -9 below, the kids have no we all pitched in and put the laundry away! woo hoo!!!

Kenny's appt was rescheduled because I just couldnt see taking him out in this we get to wait till next Thursday for the Preemie Clinic. So...without further of the basement...minus laundry and junk!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Just a small update

Wow...where to start... First off, I want to apologize about not posting more. My laptops motherboard cracked in half...don't ask I am using my husbands computer until mine is fixed. We have been bombarded with snow since Saturday and it's still coming down! I cant wait till spring...but backyard gets flooded and it's not a very pretty picture.

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and support for our quest to get on Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I am slowly making a video of each room of the house and ourselves. If there is ANYONE who wants to say a kind word on video for us...please e-mail us at . We need people in our community who knows us to help us out in that way. I want to get the application and video mailed to them soon. I am so grateful to you all...I even see that we have our Mayor's support...Thanks Dean!

I have been very busy cleaning house to "declutter"... I cant get over all the stuff we can accumulate....crazy!!! I am also trying to figure bedrooms out. Right now we have 2 sets of bunks in 1 room, a single bed and a crib in another 8x9 room, and our bedroom has our bed and a crib. I think we have decided to get a sofa bed for the living room for us to sleep on and just have all the kids in the upstairs rooms (come on home makeover ;) !

I also want to say that my video that I worked so hard on of my twin pregnancy throughout the whole Nicks death/Kenny's NICU stay was blocked from google video and You Tube because of the songs that were on there...copyright problems...oops. I don't understand...other people have their videos of their preemies and angels on there with beautiful songs from popular singers and THEY don't get banned...It just makes me sad that I cant show what I worked hard on and show off my beautiful babies and their struggles, but I also understand the copyright infringements. I am just sad about this...that's all.

So onto Kenny and the rest of the kids...

My Kenny has made great strides! He is now pulling up to standing on everything. He is crawling using his hands AND is now climbing the stairs...which we are blocking off. He has also learned to throw temper tantrums...and boy does he throw some doosies!! He has also started to eat cheerios and puffs!!! We are so happy about this...I even caught it on a picture...

Still cant keep those darn hearing aids in either. I don't know what I am going to do! It's driving me nuts~!

On another note....Tony and I are very concerned with his lack of weight gain...he is stuck at 19 lbs....he has his preemie clinic on Thursday, so we will be asking about that. I just don't feel that the Pediasure is doing any good for him, except add too much sugar to his diet. We've been dealing with his fast breathing as well... I am hoping that he is not on his way to getting sick again...but it would just be apprapoe I guess.

The funny thing is, his baby sister Gina weighs almost as much as him...she is now 15 lbs at 6 months old...the biggest baby I've had to date...notice the head size difference... I am hoping that we can figure out why he isn't gaining...I am wondering if it is from all the breathing treatments everyday...I heard that they can stunt growth. If he isn't growing, his lungs don't heal, and if his lungs don't heal, he will have to continue the treatments...seems like a no win situation.

The other kids are doing great. Tony is in basketball...their team really hasn't won a game yet, but to me, its all about having fun...and they do. Taylor and Morgan got Generation Girl dolls for they've been busy with those...and little Kindergarten Sydnie got her artwork in an art show....She was so excited and I, being a proud mommy was so happy to see her happy! Here she is with her entry...LOVE IT!!!!
and here is another picture that she drew at home...just doodling...I must say, she is following the Kowalczyk/Tomecko artist combo! She's only 5!!!!I am so happy that all my kids have inherited the art gene from both Tony's side and mine!
Well that's about all for now...until I get back from Kenny's appt. on Thursday.
Please keep up with the petition...and pass the info along to others.
Thanks so much. Tony, the kids and I are very grateful to you all that have signed!

OK...I am gonna be brave and post a couple of pictures of my laundry and of the wall of "stuff" I'm giving to goodwill....
Here is my basement with my laundry....
And here is the stuff I'm giving to goodwill...minus the drum bass...which is my son's (who loves to play the drums thanks to my neighbor who gave him a double bass drum...I think that is what they call it)... And that is only most of the clothing...I still have all the toys that I think I am gonna be donating...some to the hospital's PICU and some to the woman and children's shelter...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Ah a new year!

As I finally get a chance to sit here and type what is on my mind and what I've been doing theses last couple of weeks, I want to take a minute to thank you all for stopping by my site and reading. Reading about my family, my son who is a little miracle, and about what life has to offer for my family. Thank you for taking time to care about what is happening in my little corner of the world.
These last few weeks have been a whirl wind of craziness. Before Christmas, our house was plagued by sickness...on Christmas...still plagued and as New Year's Eve came and did more sickness. It just seemed that we couldn't get this stupid virus out of our house...I even went to the extreme of opening a couple of windows to try to freeze the germs away! LOL!
I spent all of New Year's Day wiping down everything with Clorox Disinfecting least everything smelled clean and germ free.
Since they are back in school starting tomorrow, I give it about a week until the kids bring home another sickness...and the cycle continues!
The tree is down, the decorations put away and it is back to the normal, everyday life that was...before all hectic "must haves" and "have to dos". We rang in the New year with just our little family (I use the word little, lightly) LOL. We had the typical...lunch meat tray, pickle and olive tray... the black olives are a huge hit with the kids. We finished it up with the family Daddy's New Year Punch. I remember every New Year's Eve, we'd have a big family party...just like the kind that I am trying to recreate, but bigger with more relatives, my dad would make this punch...consisting of Hawaiian Punch, Ginger Ale, vanilla ice cream and fruit cocktail! I have happily carried on the tradition with my kids now asking when I will be making the punch! I LOVE IT! We had the confetti poppers and the noise makers. Trying to keep 5 kids quiet because the 2 babies were sleeping was almost impossible, but somehow we managed and they didn't wake. The kids stayed up late with Tony while I went to bed around 12:30...I was still sick so sleep is the only thing I really wanted this new year! LOL!
Kenny rang in the new year by showing us that he can climb...yep...he now climbs up the steps. He is a very active little boy. He loves crawling! Actually, he has mastered it! Now that the holidays are over, we are going to start back up with his PT/OT and hearing and speech therapy. I cant wait! He still has some tightness in his hands and his legs are still a little stiff, but he is also kneeling and pulling up to a standing position which is so exciting to see! He hasn't really learned any new signs, so we are going to have to work on that too (along with trying to keep those dang hearing aids in).
Gina is now loving the idea of "tummy time". I really think she may be crawling within the next month! She is such a good baby. She is so...normal. Not that Kenny isn't, it's just that she is doing things that babies her age are doing while Kenny is doing things that a 8-9 month old would be doing. *still feeling a little guilty about the whole...having them early thing.*
Which brings me to my next topic...
I am sure you have all heard by now that John Travolta's son passed away. Anyone that grew up with me knows that I was totally infatuated with him since I was about 6-7 years old. I made a Grease scrapbook when it was out in the theatres...I STILL have it! Yep! I loved Welcome Back Kotter, had a couple of his albums (yes, he had a few), and just was head over heals for him. To hear that he has lost his son, just made me feel sorry for him and his wife. I know first had what they are going through...I didn't have Nick for 16 years, but I did have him, and a loss of a child is still a loss of a child, no matter what way you look at it. I don't care if some people think that because Nick was only 2 days old AND was a micro preemie, that Tony and I should get over it faster... Ah...NO. He was NOT a fetus, he was a living, breathing baby whom we had hopes and dreams for...not to mention...more love than you could even imagine.
To hear these news reports reporting on how John and his wife are doing, feeling....recounting the last's just sad. Brings back a lot of unsettling, sad feelings. I can tell you exactly what they were feeling...they were probably praying that this was all a bad dream. Begging with him to wake up, pleading with him, pleading with anyone to help wake him up and to not let him die. There is an emptiness that comes with losing a child. You want to throw up, cry, you cant breath, then when you think that you cant cry anymore, you do. Anything can and will make you feel the sadness of losing your child. Sometimes it will be OK to talk about it, while other feels like the day it happened...the rawness of the whole thing. You want to keep as many memories alive as you possibly can, but sometimes it hurts to bad and you want to forget...but then you feel bad for that and,'s just sad. I hope that the media will let this family mourn in private...for as long as they need, because it is such a privately sad time in their lives. A mother and father have lost the most precious gift that God has given them.
So with that, I have to say that I am keeping the Travolta family, and any other family who have recently lost a child in my prayers and thoughts. These next few days, weeks, months and years are going to be sheer he**. No parent should have to bury their child, no matter what age.