Kenny is on his feet!

Yesterday Kenny got his Gait walker. We are hoping that this will help him realize that his legs are there to walk and stand and to also strengthen them. I was so excited for him because he can be a little bit more independent than just crawling...he can be like the other kids and walk around. But I was also kind of sad because no mom wants to see their child have to struggle to learn something. I am so grateful to God for giving me my little miracle and I know there is a reason for everything that has happened...Maybe its to see that materialistic thing really DONT matter on this earth, or to not take people for granted, or...well...I really don't know. All I know is that I never in a million years did I think I would have a child who has so much going against him, yet he is perfect in every way! Even waking up every night, every 3-4 hours to give him his breathing treatments, fighting with him to keep his hearing aids in his ears, struggling every meal time to get him to eat something, anything, and now to try to learn to walk (at 23 months old). Its hard, very hard. I don't think people realize the extent of emotions ranging from happiness, gratefulness to stressed, sad, scared. I still wonder what the future holds for Kenny, but I am trying not to dwell on it. He will be the best he can be just like all my kids will. They will know right from wrong, work hard and try to succeed in everything they do...and if they fail, then I pray that they will pick themselves right back up, dust themselves off and keep at it until they succeed and are happy. I want them to have a love and closeness with their family, friends and God. Ah...so before I go on and on...I'll end it here and save it for another post!

Accomplishments and Prayers

As I sit here this morning (while I have a few moments to myself) I am thinking of what should I write about? There is one very big accomplishment that Kenny has done and it is waving! Yes, he now waves on command!

(Don't mind the toys, Kenny was dumping them out everywhere...and my voice...well...getting laryngitis...just mute the volume...lol)

Its something that parents take for granted...I should know, I don't think I was this excited when the first 5 waved hi or bye for the first time...second or even 5th...but with Kenny...I am taking it all in. He finally is doing something that all kids do! He was not going to let his little sister, Gina wave first! Which, by the way, she is doing as well! HA! She is also getting into everything...crawling all over the house...I love it...she is also shaking her head "no"...which Kenny was doing just a few months back!

We are signing him up for the Toddler developmental program for kids that are delayed or have a handicap. I went last Friday to tour the facilities and let me tell you, it is just what Kenny needs! It would be a couple days a week and they work with PT/OT, feeding issues, sensory issues and anything else that he will need! I walked out of there, called my mom up and just started to cry. It just hit me that my kid is a special needs child. All the kids that I saw were interacting with each other, walking, talking, pointing to things....I asked the director..."what do you do for someone like Kenny who doesn't walk, talk, play with toys like they should be played with, interact with people, point to objects, eat." He seems so far behind than the other kids that I saw. He assured me that they will accommodate and help Kenny with ALL his needs. You know, as a mommy, I never, ever wanted this for my baby. I wanted him and his twin to be born healthy, happy and together. I dreamt of going to Twins Days with MY twin, my husbands twin, our other kids and Kenny and Nick. But that will never happen. I wanted Kenny to catch up to his "true age"...but that is not happening. I wont give up on him. I wont let him feel sorry for himself (that's my job...lol). It comes right back to the feeling guilty that somehow I caused them to be born so early...if I wouldn't of gotten out of bed to go to the bathroom, if I would of....I don't know...I know I cant go back and change things...GOD I wish I could! I am missing my Nick SO much...I am so thankful to God for giving me the chance to raise Kenny, I really am! I am grateful that God is letting me see how kids with disabilities, CP, Down Syndrome and chronic illnesses live, act, love and how their families cope. It proves to me that no matter what is wrong with a child, love them no matter what! God created them and lent them to us to learn from them. I learn from Kenny everyday...Yes, I wish my life was easy and we had perfect kids, the perfect house and money to buy extras, but we don't and I feel it is because God wants us to see what really matters...and that is family, friends, love, and faith.

This past week, Gina and Kenny both came down with a case of RSV (thank God for Synagis shots). The fevers, coughing, wheezing, runny noses, not eating, you name it. We've had sleepless nights because Kenny needs his breathing treatments every 3 hours or his breathing and coughing gets out of control. Gina is also on Albuterol, but since her lungs are healthy, she is fighting this off pretty good...crossing my fingers! So lots of coffee (even though I gave it up for lent...sorry God) and prayers are still needed that either baby (Kenny or Gina) don't end up in the hospital.

I want to thank all my readers and followers who have left such nice comments. It is nice to know that Kenny and Nick's story has touched so many hearts all over the world! Thank you for letting me share my life, my feelings with you all.

So much to do, so little time

This week has come and gone...where does the time go? I have been very persistent with Kenny and his hearing aids...yay me! I vowed that he WILL get used to wearing them...and...as long as I am either holding him and keeping him busy OR sitting and playing with him, all is good...the minute I turn my back on him...to change Gina's diaper, get something for Kayleigh...oh...go to the bathroom...out they come. Very, very irritating, but I will keep at it and he will get used to them! I can just see how much more alert he is with them in. He turns his head at every sound and also notices the TV... it's so neat to see that he is finally understanding sounds around him. Now maybe duct tape would work! LOL! juuuuuuust kidding. Here is him with the cord to keep them attached if he DOES pull them off...

My neighbor is in the hospital and so is my husbands uncle. Both can use tons of prayers. Way too many bad things happening to the family and friends lately. Tony's uncle is also his God father...and we share our wedding anniversary with him and his wife. While my neighbor is in there, we had a very bad rain/wind storm....well it took down a tree in the back...the ground must have been soaked for such a big tree to come down...luckily no one was near it.

It missed my neighbor's swing by literally an inch! Jerry sits there with his beer and just relaxes after a day of working in the yard. I am hoping he will be coming out of the hospital soon, and be back to his old self again. My kids love him. He always takes the kids for tractor rides in the summer. He is a great guy. Here is a picture of the flower arrangement holder "a vase" that we made for him....Lets see...oh...Gina is now scooting everywhere! She also said her first word...."hi"! I kid you not...it's not Mama or Dada...my 8th child's first word is "hi". ooooooh kay! LOL!! She loves her newly found freedom of walking in her walker, sitting up and scooting...I love this age!

Tony had his last Cub Scout doing...the Pinewood Derby...his car kept coming in 4th...better than not finishing at all! It brought tears to my eyes knowing that my oldest son, my 1st born, is no longer considered a "kid"...he is going to be a Boy Scout next month...I am sad and happy for him at the same time!This is Tony holding Kenny while they were watching the races...my boys...gotta love them!

My nephew had his 11th birthday party on Saturday. Tony and Dominic are as close as brothers! I love the smiles on these two guys!

These updates are small because I am getting some sort of chest cold again. Seems like this whole winter has been nothing but sicknesses...I cant wait for the weather to start to get warmer so I can open all the windows and let the sick germs go bye-bye. We are still waiting to do the application video for EMHE. We are hoping that we can get it going THIS weekend..but we will see. It's always one thing or another...I hate not being able to get something done that is very important for us.

I think I am going to end this post early because of just being tired and sick...but here are some pictures of Kenny and my Kayleigh that I took today!

Busy...busy...busy!

Whew...its been a busy couple of days! Took Kenny to his GI Specialist appt yesterday...he is now on Zantac twice a day. We are going to have an x ray done to see his whole GI track and see if there is a problem with it and then we'll take it from there. He is still waking up in the middle of the night with almost an apnea episode...where he will be sleeping and then all of a sudden, gasp like he cant breath. Then he will start a coughing spell and from that, puke. I feel so bad for the little guy because I know he isn't getting a very good sleep. I am going to have to really try to keep his oxygen on him at night and pray that he doesn't rip it off...I really think he may need it. Last night we had to let him cry himself to sleep in his crib (which is in our room), because he just didn't want to lay down in our bed. I put a pillow over my head and well...he fell back to sleep. My poor little guy! So with him being up half the night, Tony (my son) woke up with his eye...yep...it tore. And when I say tore, I mean, his eye dried out and since he has corneal abrasions from previous tears, they formed scar tissue which is raised ever so slightly... his eyes dry out at night and then during sleep, if his eye ball moves the dried out cornea adheres to the inner lid and rip! There is a name for this, but I'm not sure what it is...he has this problem, I have it, my twin sister has it and my older sister, Renee has it...IT HURTS SO BAD...I would rather give birth without pain meds than to have my cornea tear! YUP....that bad! So he is up in his upper bunk screaming that his eye is ripped...and since he shares a room with the girls....THEY all start crying because Tony is making so much noise...I have Kenny in our room, Gina in the small white room and Morgan, Sydnie and Kayleigh ALL UP AND CRYING....the only one that wasn't up, was Taylor..she was sleeping in the white room with Gina, but had the blankets up over her head...snoring away. LOL! What a night...but I made it through!

I want to wish my nephew Dominic a very Happy Birthday... 11 is a big number! I was in the delivery room with my younger sister when he was born...I even got to cut his umbilical cord! What an honor! Love ya Dom!

Oh....Gina our almost 7 month old has her first tooth popping up! Very excited about that!

A little book that was given to me

I want to share a little book that one of my best friends gave me. She saw that I was feeling down from life's struggles, and thought that I would like/need to read this book. I have to say that this book is one of the best books I have read! I go back and reread it every night! It is getting me through these very trying times!

So thank you very much Denise for thinking of me and helping me. I was beginning to think that there is this good, luck twin/bad, unlucky twin thing that goes on in this world....Tony and I are both "twin A's" and it's weird...so is Kenny! We both (Tony and I) have had such horrible luck, in all aspects of life and it seems our twins (who we love very much...no offense to you guys) have such good luck, in every aspects. We cant seem to catch a break. Even on our "Honeymoon....we ended up going to Middleburg Heights...to a hotel. Even wearing shirts that said "Just Married" we didn't even get a bottle of champagne or even a complimentary piece of breakfast toast! LOL! I am hoping that this is just a fluke and there is no such thing as the lucky/unlucky twins....like "bizarro world or something. LOL Anyhow that is old stuff...that we just laugh off.

Anyhow, for all of you that have had a tough time in life, this book is a little light at the end of the tunnel...GOOD READING!

Kenny got his last Synagis shot of the year! Woo hoo! He gets one in each leg every month to prevent RSV...which could be deadly to him because of his lungs. He already got a slight case of it last month, but thank God, he didn't have to go into the hospital! I am PRAYING that next month, when he doesn't get his shots, that he wont get RSV... that happened last year to him...it sucked. Anyhow...we are prepared! HE goes to his GI specialist on Monday, hearing on Tuesday, and PT on Wednesday...busy week for the little guy. When he went into the peds office to get his shots, they had to weigh him....he was down to 19 lbs. 14-15 oz....so he lost some weight...I am hoping it is because he is getting taller...I hope! I got 2 jars of baby food in him tonight...Yay for me!!! We are trying to figure out why he doesn't want to walk...he can stand by holding onto something, but to cruise along furniture or walk with an adult holding his hands...no way. I kind of feel bad for the little guy! On the other hand...Gina is catching up quickly to him! She gets to where she wants to in her walker and by scooting all over the place...she is even out eating him on finger foods. I just have to keep in mind that she is normal...Kenny has special needs and will eventually catch up! He's got too...he Kenny! LOL!!!

I had a comment sent to me that at least I had a good childhood, and a place to live and the necessities of life...I would like to comment back....Yes, I has an awesome childhood. I didn't have the top of the line, expensive stuff and I shared a room with my sisters, but my parents were/are great parents. They have been through a lot in their lives and still were able to raise strong, confident children (in a slightly dysfunctional way) LOL!!! Yes I do have a wonderful husband who works his butt off for us, and so do I, in a different way (it's kinda like the 50's style marriage...husband works and wife takes care of the house and kids). What I don't post in my blog is that financially, these last few months have been disastrous...I wont go into details because it is personal, but we are lucky that , for now, we do have a home, a car, and the basics (and when I say the basics...its the very basics). Everything bad that has happened in our lives has happened in the last couple of years. We would never of had so many kids if we couldn't afford them...and we were doing a pretty good job at it, I must say! Hospital stays, doctor appts, and the economy takes a lot out of a person, emotionally, financially, and physically. Thank God we have a strong faith in God, our Church, friends and some family members. I am re-training my thinking about everything as to a learning experience and that this whole scheme of things from Nicks death (which I still feel guilty for along with all of Kenny's disabilities), to only getting needs over wants, to having a house falling apart in front of our eyes....just a setback...wont last. It's all in Gods hand and with positive thinking, I am praying that it will all work out in the end! Tony and I have a strong loving marriage and we love our kids dearly and we know this is all we need! There is no self pity, remorse, or whatever else....spring is right around the corner and I am using my sadness and life experiences to my full advantage by helping others who are just entering this journey of Micro Preemie parenthood!

On another note, I am starting my campaigning for the March Of Dimes walk on April 26 here in Cleveland. Our family Team Tomecko will be walking in honor of Nick and Kenny. We are looking for friends and family who wants to walk with us for this great cause because without the March Of Dimes, Kenny wouldn't be here today, and we wouldn't have had 2 precious days with our angel Nick. So if anyone would like to walk with Team Tomecko or donate, please let me know! Thank you very much for your support!

THEN & NOW

I hate being sick!

Well, this weekend was supposed to be the weekend that we were going to film our video for the application for Extreme Makeover Home Edition...but....I got sick. Oh yeah...fever, sore throat, swollen glands, and now I have this horrible rash from head to toe! I think I was misdiagnosed...I really think I have/had strep but the "doc in a box"(aka...med center) did the quick strep test and it came back neg...so...he ended up calling my condition "Sinusitis". Now anyone that knows me knows that for my entire life, I've dealt with chronic sinus problems...THIS is not one of those times. I can actually breath just fine...its the throat...unable to swallow ANYTHING since Friday! I'm on Biaxin, so hopefully that will take care of whatever this mystery illness is...and I wont pass it onto the kids or hubby.
Anyhow, back to this video that we are doing, we are really looking forward to doing it! We even a little surprise for the "goodbye" scene! If anyone that knows us would please help by making a small video clip as to why you feel we need EMHE to help us, please make one and send it to me via e-mail or something.
Nothing else new going on...Gina learned to roll front to back and back to front, sit up and she LOVES to eat! Kenny, well...he's still doing good. We had to let him cry himself to sleep last night because he wanted to play at 3:00 a.m....not good when you take Benadryl and NyQuil! He ended up not really crying, just complaining...then BAM...asleep! He slept till 10:00 this morning! Taylor slept over her friends house on Friday, and loved it. She never gets asked to go or even sleep over anyone's house, so she LOVED IT! Tony (my son), went over his cub scout leaders house on Saturday to do all the things he needs to do to get the "Arrow of Light"...which he then becomes a Boy Scout. *sigh* I remember when he first started in 1st grade! My baby is growing up! Morgan, well...she won a DVD player at the Kiwanis pancake breakfast raffle...Yay Morgan!
So that is about all the updates for this weekend. We are going to be busy all week with a bunch of appts. for Kenny. He has his hearing and PT appt tomorrow, and preemie clinic on Thursday. He was supposed to have his GI appt today, but because I am not feeling good, I rescheduled. That's about all.

Ah so much going on! Lets see...my daughter, Sydnie, had an eye appt. today because she failed her school and physical eye exam...she has been walking around the house with my sunglasses on because her HUGE eyes are dilated...Well she is thinking she is Paris Hilton or something because every time she walks past my mirrored curio cabinet, she is staring at herself...way too funny...and cute I might add! She does have astigmatism, but they are going to wait a year for glasses...to be honest, she was really looking forward to wearing pink glasses, so breaking the news to her that she didn't need them was very disappointing to her...so if she wants to wear the sunglasses...so be it. LOL! Oh one other funny thing. Ever since Sydnie was born, I always commented on how I thought her one eye was a little "off"...her ped told us that it was her one lid that was "bigger" than the other...I didn't buy it, so I asked this eye doctor today...hee hee....he told me that her eye give the impression that it is going out, but....it is actually her pupil that is slightly off center. I KNEW IT~!!! I wasn't going nuts all these years! LOL!!!

After her appt. we took Kenny to his Pulmonologist for his check up. His lungs were clear (thank God) but he is not liking how Kenny hasnt gained any weight...still 20 lbs with clothes on! I mentioned that he gasp for air several times a night and then starts coughing and throwing up. He is sending Kenny to a GI specialist for that. He is thinking that there is some kind of reflux happening..and they can also help with the calorie intake for him. I am so happy that the doctors at Metro are helping us AND Kenny. I was also told that Advair was not approved for children, let alone micro-preemies! Ummmm can you say I am kind of ticked off that our family pediatrician would even consider this!!!! So now, it is still the Pulmicort, Albuterol and now Singular because Kenny gets out of breath as he crawls...and I really cant keep him on his oxygen during the day...he hates wearing it! So at least we are getting answers!

Oh, and I also might add that Kenny is going to be the local K-mart store Ambassador for the March of Dimes. The March of Dimes wants to put faces to the fundraising efforts that K-Mart and their employees are involved in. So, our little guy will be representing one of the locations! yeay!

I got the first batch of shirts made for the hospital...I am so excited about that...

THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT HAS DONATED EITHER $$ OR SHIRTS!!!

I will be taking them on Thursday!

AHHHH!!!got to cut this short...the little guy decided to pull down a plant off the end table! NICE!

Today's update on our Kenny

Today's therapy was so nice with Kenny. He was able to put shapes in the shape sorter with the help of blocking the other shape holes! He has never really let go of the blocks before. He was also trying to let go and stand for a few seconds at a time! He was so proud of himself that he was actually standing on his own! The look on his face was priceless! My little guy who struggles everyday with one thing or another, was actually doing things that made him so excited! Beth also had him trying to scribble with one of those magnetic doodle pads...he did it, but was more interested in the string that held the pen to the board. I just keep kissing his cute head because I see that he wants to learn...that he gets happy and excited when he does something! He is using his hand together more lately, so that is another plus! I haven't taken him out of this house for a while...he was supposed to go for his audiologist appt. this morning, but he is still fighting this dumb cold! I was up with Kenny AND Gina again last night...actually....I've gone through 2 24oz. cups of coffee from Speedway...and now I am relying on the pot of hot tea that I made...because I've been up since 3 am. Starting to crash a little...not liking it!LOL!
We discussed sending Kenny to 2 day a week therapy school...I really think that would be great for him. They would work on his PT/OT and Speech/feeding...and he'd be around other kids like him. Like I said, I think it would be great for him, but I am nervous to send him because his lungs are so bad...and he is always getting sick...I guess it is time to really talk to his doctor about this. It's almost a no win situation...see...if we send him somewhere for PT/OT and the other therapies...he will get sick...if we don't send him...he wont excel in his development...not to mention how sick he has been...and what he has missed just from being sick.
I cant take him to preemie clinic, because he has been so sick, yet he really needs to go...it's just a continuous circle of events that wont stop. Now Gina is starting to get up on her knees and spin around in circles, scoot (backwards), hold things with both hand...and it shows me just how far behind Kenny is with things. Yes, he is making great progress for what he has been through, but it gets to me. I feel bad for him...that he is struggling with everyday stuff while it is supposed to come natural for babies. Isn't it bad enough that he went through so much when he was born...and those long 4 months in the hospital....losing his twin brother, whom shared a special bond with inside of me, being near death several times?! I am at a loss for all the options of what kind of therapies are good I know he needs speech and feeding therapy...but from who? Where? He is almost 22 months old and still not cruising against furniture...when will he start walking? Will he ever be able to walk? I am so scared for him and what the future holds. He is so precious and pure...when he looks at you, his eyes see right through you...almost to your soul...its kind of a peaceful, calm look that he gives. I just pray that this world is good to him throughout his lifetime because his everyday tasks may be harder for him to do, he may not be able to hear very well, or even talk, have horrible lungs which require oxygen at night, walk or eat solids, but he is still our family's miracle. And we all will love and protect him till eternity because that is what family is all about!

I want to give a short shout out to my sister Andrea, who is turning 38 today! Woo Hoo! Have a very Happy Birthday sis! Love ya much!

Happy birthday to my Morgan and Happy Anniversary to my twin and BIL!

Today, 8 years ago, I gave birth to my 3rd child! We didn't get to see her right away..actually for about 12 hours after she was born because she came out blue. They intubated her and whisked her off to the NICU. You know, to this day, I still don't know why she wasn't breathing when she was born. When she was a baby, we were having problems with asthma, allergies to milk and all milk products, eczema on her face, arms and legs, and the biggest one, her being allergic to cold temperatures! Yep...you heard me right...she cant go in pools or under sprinklers in the summer, and in the winter, the snow...also, if it is too windy or rainy out...she breaks out in welts. I feel so bad for her, but she doesn't let that stop her...she'll go out and play...get tons of welts...go warm up and take benadryl or claritin and get right back to the fun! Kids are so resilient!
And now today she is 8. Where has the time gone?! It just amazes me how fast time goes by! Have a very Happy Birthday my love! You always make me smile!
And for my twin sister, Diane and the love of her life, Johnnie...I hope you both have a wonderful Anniversary! I cant get over that from the night on the dance floor when your eyes connected you are still very much in love! You both have been there for me through everything and I love you both very much. Congratulations on 15 married years together + all the years before you guys got married! What a ride it has been! Here's to many, many more together!

Milestones for Micros! Please Help!

I am looking for anyone that wants to donate plain baby shirts. We are going to be making shirts for MetroHealth's NICU graduates for their first birthdays, along with our preemie friends here online. It is all about our preemies who had the odds against them but pulled through, and is now celebrating their first birthdays! PLEASE PASS THIS INFO ON TO EVERYONE THAT YOU KNOW. You can contact me through the comments. I really want to make this happen, but I am extremely limited on $$ (for obvious reasons). I am going to need sizes 9-12 month shirts in boys and girls. must be plain. It doesn't matter if they are long sleeve or short. I am not asking for money...just new shirts.

This has been in the planning ever since Kenny was turning 1, and now I really am going to make this happen. Our little miracles are very special and to be celebrating their first birthdays is such a milestone. When you are in the NICU and you don't know if you are going to be bringing your baby home or not, it is such a relief when the time comes when the doctors tell you that its time to go home! That first year is scary...the oxygen, monitors, constant doctor visits, medication...and yes, the occasional hospital stays...Heck, the second year is not that much better! LOL! But to know and to tell the world that your preemie (micro) made it through everything...that YOU (as a parent) made it through everything, is very important!

So I am asking you all to pass this on to everyone that you know...Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

************************************************************************

On another note,Valentine's Day 2009 turned out to be a very normal day in the Tomecko house. It seems like the cold that Kenny and Gina have is just getting worse by the day. The day consisted of breathing treatments, coughing and crying...and the last one was a little bit from me. LOL! How the heck can I have so many kids with wheezing! I got rid of the carpet, the dog...dust everyday, scrub the floors every day along with vacuuming...and no matter what I do, they still get sick and wheeze. We now have Kenny on Advair twice a day...I don't know if its working or not. He is getting his Albuterol as needed for his fast breathing and coughing too. I feel so bad for him. Gina is just doing the whole wheezing in the chest with the coughing...she is not on anything yet, but I have a feeling come Monday, that might change. *sigh.

(I just saw the popsicle laying on the couch...lovely!)

So can I please get tons of prayers that these poor babies of mine get better and not worse. I am so worried about Kenny, between the fevers, coughing, not eating and wheezing, it is setting up to be a hospital stay. So, please pray. Thanks.

Our big Valentine's dinner that Tony and I decided on was going to be steak, baked potatoes and salad...he came home with a couple of steaks (the cheap ones lol) and some chicken for the kids....I was getting so excited that we were actually going to have a good dinner...short lived....I don't have a broiler on my oven! How can I NOT have a broiler?!!! Just goes to show you how much I broil foods. During the summer, we would put the steaks on the grill...our grill is in the city dump as of the fall...we ended up eating the baked potatoes and salad...for the 2nd time this past week. One day I'll be able to go out on an actual date with my love and have a real steak dinner! But for now, it just the way it is.

Happy valentine's Day everyone!

Well Valentines Day is fast approaching and I sit here thinking how different it has become for me. LOL. When it was just Tony and I...even when it was just a couple of the kids...we would go out to dinner and celebrate. Now a days, we are making Valentines for the kids to pass out at school...no dates, no cards...but that's OK...we know we love each other...

These days, it means a simple, "I love you". Thank you for being here in my life. No cards, no gifts...not even a night out to dinner. Why? Because with 7 kids, it's easier AND cheaper to just stay home. No one wants to babysit so many kids, and to be honest, Kenny needs his medicine, and I wouldnt feel comfortable with leaving him...just yet. Who needs to go out and spend $50 on dinner anyhow...not me. I am so far from wanting anything materialistic...it not even funny. I guess I am...simple. That's a great word for me. I love sitting here with my family. Talking to them. Making them great dinners that while we are smashed around out little dining room table with Kenny and Gina in their high chair and walker. The kids telling us about their day at school...that is what I love...and live for... Yes, there is the common fight about who is going to talk first, who is sitting where at the table, and the occasional..."I don't like that...can I have something else to eat"? But that is what makes it even more memorable.

I am very happy to have the loves of my life all around me. My husband swept me off of my feet 19 years ago. We had everything in common...

He saw me drive up in my red convertible to a job interview at his office...told everyone that he was going to marry me...and he did! He didn't even know I was getting interviewed at his office until the owner asked him into the office, where I was! He was persistent and charming...as we got to know each other, we found out that we both came from families of 7 children..just the opposite (my family had 6 girls, 1 boy and his, 6 boys and 1 girl), we both loved art. And the kicker...we both were twins! The similarities just went on and on.

Oh...I can go on and on...but I wont bore you with our love story. LOL

So this is why I love Valentine's Day.

You know what I ended up doing these last couple of nights and days...making 100 ipod candy valentines for the kids parties at school. I saw the project in a magazine about a month ago, and I just HAD to make it! All it is, is a box of conversation hearts, construction paper (or if you have a sign guy for a husband, like I do, we used hot pink vinyl), string, Hershey Kisses and tape. Well...after countless hours of printing, taping, and tying...I finally got it done! Woo hoo! And I must say, they turned out very cute!

I love seeing the smiles on my kids faces when I do something like this for them. I just wish I had my own craft room. I was sitting at the dining room table, then at the kitchen counter working on these things...all the while, Kenny and Gina fussing because of being sick...it ended up being 5 minutes working on the valentines, 15 minutes taking care of the little sickies, and so on....But it is done and their parties are today!

here is what they turned out to look like:

I'm back after a long break. We have strep throat here in the house...little Tony has it. It's just a matter of time before it spreads like wild fire and the entire house is going to get quarantined. I guess it is going around...everywhere. Tony and I have been up for the past couple of nights with Gina and Kenny, coughing like crazy and both with fevers. It makes for a F U N time. So everyone please keep both babies in your prayers that they wont have to be hospitalized...I just don't feel like staying at the hospital for any amount of time...it's getting old. Luckily, they are not wheezing too bad and Kenny is not breathing too fast....knock on wood!

I just get so paranoid with him. Every time he gets sick, I worry that his heart or lungs wont be able to handle it. And with his fever last night, I didn't want to fall asleep...I wanted to sit and hold him all night long to make sure he was going to be alright.

This past week was a pretty busy one for us. Kenny and Gina went for their immunizations...Kenny ended up getting 5! Three of the normal ones and 2 Sinygis for RSV...those suckers are EXPENSIVE! I cant understand how or why they would cost so much, but they do. It's almost a shame. Kenny got the shots last year and right after his last shot, he ended up getting RSV, what a waste of money.

Anyhow, at Kenny's check up he was weighed and is at 20 lbs. 2 oz. As a mom, I feel that he is doing horrible with his eating and weight, but the doc thinks that he is doing well, so...only time will tell. He is really trying to eat cheese puffs ans cookies, He wont bite it, but he licks it...I guess it's a start. I have even tried suckers.

As you can see, he doesn't have great hand control yet, but we are working on it! Now that he is sick, it's going to put his eating back a little bit. He is already not wanting to drink his bottles that much. He also stopped signing. I don't know why, I do it every day. He just stopped. Time to get serious with this whole signing thing...I have to say one thing...it's HARD...for a person...well...family that has NEVER had to even think about any type of hearing loss, learning and doing sign language really takes time and effort....every time we say something, we have to follow it up with a sign. Not to mention, Kenny being a very stubborn 21 month old and not wanting to keep his hearing aids in..no matter what we do. We were supposed to go to the audiologist this morning, but with his fever and cough, I didn't want to take him out.

On another note...

Gina started to hold her own bottle! Yeay!!! That helps mommy out a lot!! She is even trying to get up on her hands and knees...scooting backwards! She wants to really catch up to her big brother, Kenny so they can cruise the house together! I LOVE IT!

We have our very own Cabbage Patch Kid...

This is what NOT to do with a basketball! LMBO!!!
That's about it for now...its been a very crazy week here between sickness and running around...I'll leave you with a picture of a cute puppy that I fell in love with at the pet store...until I found out how much he cost...$1200 dollars! Ummm...no thank you...I'd much rather go to the pound and get one that needs a home for about $20! He was cute though!

I've been thinking...

Yes, that's right...I've been thinking...

I wonder how much the doctors have not told us about what is going to happen to Kenny. KWIM? He is constantly sick, developmentally delayed, sensoritory issues, the hearing loss, eating issues, muscle tone problems and now the possibility of braces because of his muscle tone in his legs...I have been wondering, in the back of my mind, if it was right doing everything humanly and medically possible to keep him alive in the NICU...when the government knows that babies born under a certain weight automatically gets disability. Do doctors know the long range outcome of our micro preemies?There are study after study showing the different things that face micro preemies...Autism, mental problems...its all very scary to me...I read those, and think, "what the heck did I do to my Kenny?" The guilt is overwhelming. Us as parents want only the best for our kids, that means from health to success...and we would do EVERYTHING to protect our babies. But, are we being selfish in wanting our 1 pound babies to survive? To me, the answer is yes, I am/was very selfish. I wanted my babies, both of them, and nothing was going to change my mind.

Except one thing...or should I say, someone...

God

He chose to take Nick and leave Kenny. Why? I am not sure. but, I look at his beautiful face and see him kissing Gina and laughing and smiling all the time. I see how much progress he has made since those scary days in the NICU near the brink of death. I see how many people his (and Nicks) lives have touched and also see all the people that we got to meet and befriend from them, and I feel we made the totally right decision to keep him alive and here with us. I just wish, hope and pray that he leads a normal, happy, productive, healthy and successfully long life...just as I do with all my kids.


So for all those new mommies and daddies who have just entered this nightmare of having a micro preemie, please don't give up hope. It's very scary but well worth it. You will get a mixed bag of reactions from people...from extreme generosity to completely ignoring that they (your baby) even exists...trust us...we know. The NICU is such a loving and caring place...trust your instincts...if your baby isn't acting right or looking right...say something. And know that the nurses and doctors there are only human. They will do everything they can, but in the long run..its up to God. Try to have faith, it's hard, but you have to in order to survive.

I am trying to think better thoughts. Trying to not to question the past or the future, but to stick with today.
I miss my Nick every day. The pain is as strong as it was the day it happened. But, I also have to remember that there is nothing I can do, think or say to bring him back. I just want to keep his memory alive. I want everyone to know that my husband and I have 8 children...not including my 2 miscarriages...that we are the parents to a set of spontaneous twins...just one is in Heaven. I was blessed to be able to carry twins...even though it was only 23 weeks, I am one of the few that knows what having 2 babies inside you feel like. I will cherish those memories for eternity! I also feel very blessed to have as many kids as I have. Having a Bicornuate uterus, I was told that I was lucky that I had one baby, let alone as many as I had AND a set of twins thrown in!!! My pregnancies were not very good...none of them. All my babies were born early. My first, my water broke at 29 weeks but I was able to keep him in to 34 weeks...in the hospital! My husband would come to the hospital every evening after work and just sit with me...for 5 weeks! Then my second, third, forth and fifth...I was on and off bed rest throughout the pregnancies only to deliver again at 34 weeks. But I am thankful that they are here...heck, Sydnie and Kayleigh both had true knots in their cords...I have a picture of Kayleighs, but its pretty gross! LOL. So I am lucky that I didn't lose 3 babies! Then came the twins at 23 weeks and Gina blessed us with the most healthy of pregnancies and I had her at 36 weeks! So I have a lot to be thankful for. Yes, we are facing a rough road. Our married life has had it's ups and downs, tested through the years with births, miscarriages, hospital stays, financial woes, etc... but after all that Tony and I have gone through together, It has made us closer as a couple. Raising 7 kids on top of mourning the loss of a child is very hard, but we are handling it. I have hit my lowest these last couple of weeks. I've been tested, and felt like I've failed. I silently vowed to myself, my family and God, that I would start thinking more positive (now if only my kids would start listening to me! LOL!). So, there you have it.

I am still very scared of what the future has in store, but with my husband, my kids and my memories, I will try to make the best out of everyday I have on this earth.



God...now I need a vacation!


So all of you that read my blog or even just click on it...


PLEASE SIGN THE EXTREME MAKEOVER HOME EDITION PETITION!!!

Our family could really use the help...plus it would make one heck of a tear-jerker story!


it seemed to have slowed down in signatures...Pass it on to everyone you know...and make sure you tell those to pass it on! LOL!

My opinion on the birth of those 8 babies

She already has 6 at home!!! They range in age from 7-2! I'm pretty ticked off about this because there is no way she should have been taking fertility meds...none! Is it now a "thing to do"...lets see how many premature babies I can carry at one time...MAN! this really is hitting a nerve with me. That would be like me getting fertility treatments. Were they all looking to get the media coverage, money, book deals, TV...you name it? I just don't understand. Just because she probably wants her 15 min of fame. Is there a law as to who can get treatments? doesn't it seem like people, including celebs, abuse the whole fertility treatment issue? Shouldn't it be for people that are having a hard time getting pregnant and not for people who just want "twins" or 12 kids all at once, so they can break records...etc? I find it disgusting that these people are doing this. Does money mean that you can choose to have twins, triplets...octuplets...Do these people know what happens in a NICU? I know first hand...its not pretty...and they are risking the lives of those innocent babies! Not to mention all the problems they are facing as they get older. I say, shame on the doctors and hospital for even thinking about implanting more than 2 in this woman...even 3...she has a 2 year old for god sake. What kind of fertility problems could she possibly have? Was the hospital looking to cash in on this record breaking pregnancy/delivery? Come on! Shame on the parents too. Do they think they hit the lottery? I pray that those babies are healthy and lead a great life....but I sit here startled at the fact that at one time, fertility treatments were used to help couples who were having a hard time conceiving on their own, and now its being used be people who want more than one. Look at all the celebs that have started having twins...there is NO WAY that these people conceived them spontaneously...none! Especially since getting a picture on a magazine cover can pay millions! Does that mean if I had money, both my twins would be here? Its just disgusting...that's all.
OK... I read some of the articles surrounding this and she has had fertility treatments in the past...hence her set of 2 yr. old twins...
Well if she has fertility issues in the past...don't you think that they should of only implanted a couple eggs...I mean...7 eggs (I'm giving them that because they didn't know about #8). Is there a limit as to how many they can/will implant? Isn't there a moral code for doctors or something? They knew that the fertility treatments worked...they worked for her last pregnancy...so implanting all those fert. eggs and then offering her selective reduction was the hospitals fault. How do they expect a pregnant woman to "reduce" her pregnancy...they should of only put a few in!I am not bashing the parents for wanting children...I am bashing everyone involved for risking the lives of the babies and mother...just for publicity and that is ALL it comes down to...when you look at the whole thing! I know that in some articles, they said that they were going to be hard to find...but...come on...when the $$ offers start, they wont turn it down...no one would.

Added comment: I was sent this comment anonymously and want to comment on it:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "My opinion on the birth of those 8 babies": I'm sorry, but I really don't think it is our business to judge. Honestly, as I read your blog and how all of your pregnancies were rough and risky, my first thought was "why did she keep getting pregnant and risking more little lives? Why didn't she adopt instead?"There are many people out there who don't think people should have 8 kids like you did, especially when you live in such a small house. People might call that irresponsible. We don't know why this family made the choices they did, but it isn't our business. The family asked for privacy, and I think they deserve it.

I want to let people know that my post and feelings have nothing to do with how many kids this person has, it has to deal with the ethical factors that were involved with putting so many fertilized eggs inside of ANY woman, at one time. I didn't "attack" anyone. To come at me stating the fact that I shouldn't of had all these kids, should have adopted, and call ME irresponsible was very inappropriate...maybe that is why this person chose to stay anonymous, IDK. I have a loving home, money to feed, clothes and give my kids a nice life. I teach them right from wrong, how to be responsible kids, send them to a good catholic school...and my house is kept as nice as it can be. It is small, but we don't know any other way. I'm not the only one questioning this woman...It just so happened that I was one of few that questioned it first...now its all over the news...so its not just me!
I wish no wrong on anybody nor do I judge people...I was stating facts about this whole situation.
Thank you.

Snowstorm 09

I just had to post some snow storm pictures from today...

Morgan and Kayleigh wanted to brave the elements! Morgan will be coming in the house all broken out in hives because she is very allergic to this...but at least she is having some fun!


Oh to be a kid again!

Oh yeah...doesnt this look like F - U - N!!!!

And here is one of Kenny...minus the hearing aids...

Kenny hits 20 lbs!

Yes that is right...our little 1 lb. 7 oz. little man has finally hit the big 2-0! At 20 months old, Kenny has hit that magical number! Woo Hoo! Twenty pounds means he actually will be sitting in a regular car seat...FORWARD. We are beyond excited


On the down side to that...he is sick...again. Actually, Gina is the one with the Bronchiolitis/RSV, so we are going to have to keep an eye on both of the little ones. We were up all night, between Gina coughing and crying and Kenny with his fast, shallow breathing...I would sit and count how many breaths per minute he'd be breathing and it was 60 bpm all night...needless to say, it didn't make for a very relaxing night. I am hoping tonight is a little better.

Gina had her 6 month old check up today and she is a healthy 16 lbs. So I guess it's 2 new car seats very soon...gotta love my Irish twins! LOL!!! She is starting to scoot and pivot when on her belly also grab for things with both hands now. You know, even after all these kids, I still find it so fascinating how babies can just start hitting milestone after milestone and do things that just a week prior to, couldn't...I am in such awe of what God has created.


This weekend was such a busy one for our bunch. My 3 oldest kids read the petitions at the family mass on Sunday...the practiced all week long...and all 3 did a fantastic job! They each had a word or 2 that they stumbled over while practicing, but when it came down to it...all three read their petitions perfectly. I was so proud of them. Oh, to top it off, it was a crowded mass, so they had to read in front of a tons of people (I could NEVER do that!).

After church, the school had open house (they go to Catholic school). You know, I never get tired of seeing what my kids have done in school. I love seeing their good grade papers on the walls. All the art projects that they have been working on. I love seeing and talking with all the teachers and parents. We have really made some great friends and acquaintances there during these past 6 years! My husband, who used to go to St. Francis, gave the gym a little "face lift" this week... He wanted it to look nice for the open house. It's nice to see someone that really takes pride in his Alma mater! It's still sad that Fr. Hoban wasn't there to see the gym, all the school kids and well, just about everything...he is really missed.

On a different note,

I had a visitor tonight...As I was cleaning the kitchen from Little Tony and I making pizzelles for his cub scout's bake off, someone knocked on our side door. I thought it was one of my husbands friends or clients or something, so I answered the door. There stood a man holding a box of bakery...he went on to thank us for putting up the sign in our front yard...(a little side note)...Since we live on a main road and know a lot of police officers, my husband decided a few years back, to put up a sign in our front yard telling people to "thank a police officer, their doing their job for us"...then when a cop was killed a couple of years ago, he put up a sign next to it in honor of that fallen police officer...well, since then, he put up 3 more. The latest officer was a 24 year old named Jarod Dean, who was killed cleaning up after an accident.

Anyhow, getting back to this person at my side door. So then, he proceeded to tell me that Jarod was his brother...my heart went to the floor and then to my throat. This man standing in front of me just lost his brother...not even a week ago...and he is giving US bakery?! I so badly wanted to hug him and tell him that I know what he and his family is going through...because I too lost a brother. I wanted to talk with him so much, but all that came out was that I was sorry for his loss and that we were praying for their family...that's it! OMG! I just went blank! I am planning of getting hold of his family to explain my "lack of words". I just feel so bad that I just stood there like a deer in headlights..he completely caught me off guard. That poor family, they have a long road ahead of them. My love and prayers go out to them.

Our March Of Dimes day

Well today was very therapeutic for me. I finally got out of the house a little bit and did something for a cause. I was at a booth for the March Of Dimes passing out info. I loved it. I made friends, got to great people...it just was very nice. So nice, that I really want to get involved in all of the local fundraising and the events that take place. It is a cause that I really believe in...every baby should be born healthy...and on time! From a mom who had all her babies early...I would have loved to have known the feeling of a healthy pregnancy and baby. I know that because of my bicornuate uterus that having a full term pregnancy is almost not thought of, but for those women who have their babies early for no reason or because they don't have insurance or the money for prenatal care along with vitamins...just shouldn't be. It's amazing how as I was sitting at the booth, women would just walk by....actually try to avoid the table, like I was going to be one of those surveyors at the mall or something...it was pretty funny. If those women only knew the struggle that a mother and father of a premature baby has to deal with...the NICU, the hospital visits, the doctor appts...if they only knew that the March Of Dimes gives so much to help these babies and their parents...wow.This is Kenny flirting with everyone that walked by...oh yeah..he was our little spokesperson for the day! My husband also confirmed that he is a "chick magnet". Tony was such a great dad today. He ended up walking the mall about 10 times with most or all of the kids. LOL He had to of gotten the looks...a guy, no wife around, and 7 kids...oh yeah...the women walking the mall were probably thinking that he is the worlds greatest dad and hubby....which he is...and the guys in the mall were probably thinking that he is screwed because if there was no wife around...that means he was probably divorced...and divorced with Sunday visitations with 7 kids = a whole lot of child support! LMBO!!! But anyways...the kids were, for the most part, really good. They got to go to a mall...which they have not done in about 2 years, help me out....yes, they passed out bags and information packets, and it was just an overall nice day.... except for the snow storm that dumped 4 more inches! Blah!


This is Little Tony, Kenny and myself...



When I did get the chance to look around at the bridal booths that were set up, I fell in love with this local bakery... these cakes were so beautiful..made me want to get married all over again! These were my favorites!!!
So now that I am inspired to make a difference in prematurity... Our whole family will be walking the March of Dimes, March for Babies walk April 26. We will be walking because ALL of my children were premature...and that's a lot of prematurity in one family! I am striving to reach our goal of $500 raised, so if anyone would like to make a donation for a great cause, feel free to help.

I found a few pictures....

The picture above is a month after he was born, so a whole month of growing was involved here!!! His fingers were much smaller than a macaroni noodle!!!

I found a few pictures of Kenny when he was in the NICU...this is a perfect one to show you the size he was...I could pretty much hold him in my hand...its so amazing that such perfect tiny little beings can actually survive....what a miracle that I have...that I stare at every day! We had PT/OT today and she and myself both noticed Kenny's left foot rolling inwards. I wasn't sure if that was because he was just starting to stand against stuff or what, so I asked her what she made of it. She wants us to keep an eye on it because it might be is "low tone" in his lower half that is causing it....worst case scenario would be a brace...So when I go to the doctors with Kenny, I'll ask them to take a look at it. I am hoping that it doesn't cause him any discomfort or pain...I just want him to be alright. On another note...I also found, on my computer, some small videos that I took of him in the NICU when he was first trying to open his eyes! I am so excited that I got that on tape! LOL...you know your a micro preemie mommy when you can honestly say that you saw your baby with his eyes fused together and you also saw them open for the first time! LOL!

Oh...and one more thing...my little guy ate 2...that's right...2 french fries! YEAY FOR KENNY!!!

I took this picture yesterday (Monday), because he just looked so...well...perfect! He was so comfortable taking his nap...I just love my guy!

I have to show you our snow. It has been non stop snowing here in Northeastern Ohio...and let me tell you...it is getting old...really fast! This is our deck looking into the backyard...this was taken this morning. I'd say we got about 3 more inches on top of that! YUCK!Its not only the snow...its the cold. I am such a freeze baby that going skiing would be like a death sentence to me. LOL Nope, winter and I don't mix! And just to think...only 2-3 more months of it. Oh yeah. I'm looking forward to it, aren't you! LOL!

Life....why does it have to be so hard

I am trying to understand why life...my life...the one that is supposed to be fun, adventurous and exciting, turning into more of a life of sadness, fear and unknowing. After the first one, It just felt natural. I love being a mommy...what I didn't sign up for was the fact that I had 8 children, 1 child die, 2 miscarriages, a child that struggles every day, and the question of why. Why did so much heartache have to happen to Me (and Tony), why does my husband have to work so hard for 10 years making his sign business sucessful, and it only takes 2 months for everything to almost fall apart. No warning, no nothing...You give and give, and think that because you give and give, things will be good...well that is what is supposed to happen...right? For people to look down on us for having so many kids. It's not because we had so many kids that things are bad! We have a lot of love to give our little ones. I am holding onto hope that this is a minor setback. Heck, everyone has bad times...ours is just lasting a good 2 years! ANYTIME NOW...the cloud will lift and things will pick up.. Again, I do not regret having my children, I love them with all my heart. I wouldn't trade them in for anything! I just wish I had more to give them. I wish that they had their own stuff, their own personal space. I wish that we didn't have to protect Kenny from getting sick, that we could go out as a family, that we could go on a vacation. My kids would love to go on a family vacation...anywhere, but right now, we cant. I'd love to have sleepovers, after school play dates, dance and music lessons,..but...nope. So, for that, I feel sorry and AM sorry to my kids. I would love to snuggle up at night with my hubby without 2 kids in between us in our bed...and for that I am sorry. I would love to get my husband an Anniversary present...or just an Anniversary dinner, but no, not this year. This year is not starting off very well.

It seems like all my posts are more and more depressing...well, it not intentional...it is just how things are going at the moment, I am scared about how Kenny will turn out...well all my kids for that matter, but Kenny especially. There is no way a baby born at 23 weeks, a baby who missed most of the 2nd and all of the 3rd trimester can be OK. I see what he is doing and what he is going through, daily...I am praying to God that life is good to him and that he will be OK, have happiness, friendships and be successful in whatever he does. Again, I want this for all my kids, but because Kenny has some major issues, I just hope life is gentle on him. Not to mention the everyday junk... the washer broke, my cell phone broke, my computer broke, the coffee maker broke...I thought things were supposed to happen in groups of 3...ummmm...so does that mean I have to wait for 2 more things to break?...oh wait...LOL...only one more...I am already broke! LOL! So I'll end it on this...

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Update to laundry...

I just wanted to post some pictures so you all dont think we live like hoarders! LOL

In the last post, you saw my laundry and the stuff that we were giving to Goodwill....well...Tony took the stuff yesterday and since the weather took a nose dive to -9 below, the kids have no school...so we all pitched in and put the laundry away! woo hoo!!!

Kenny's appt was rescheduled because I just couldnt see taking him out in this weather...so we get to wait till next Thursday for the Preemie Clinic. So...without further ado...pics of the basement...minus laundry and junk!