Happy valentine's Day everyone!

Well Valentines Day is fast approaching and I sit here thinking how different it has become for me. LOL. When it was just Tony and I...even when it was just a couple of the kids...we would go out to dinner and celebrate. Now a days, we are making Valentines for the kids to pass out at school...no dates, no cards...but that's OK...we know we love each other...

These days, it means a simple, "I love you". Thank you for being here in my life. No cards, no gifts...not even a night out to dinner. Why? Because with 7 kids, it's easier AND cheaper to just stay home. No one wants to babysit so many kids, and to be honest, Kenny needs his medicine, and I wouldnt feel comfortable with leaving him...just yet. Who needs to go out and spend $50 on dinner anyhow...not me. I am so far from wanting anything materialistic...it not even funny. I guess I am...simple. That's a great word for me. I love sitting here with my family. Talking to them. Making them great dinners that while we are smashed around out little dining room table with Kenny and Gina in their high chair and walker. The kids telling us about their day at school...that is what I love...and live for... Yes, there is the common fight about who is going to talk first, who is sitting where at the table, and the occasional..."I don't like that...can I have something else to eat"? But that is what makes it even more memorable.

I am very happy to have the loves of my life all around me. My husband swept me off of my feet 19 years ago. We had everything in common...

He saw me drive up in my red convertible to a job interview at his office...told everyone that he was going to marry me...and he did! He didn't even know I was getting interviewed at his office until the owner asked him into the office, where I was! He was persistent and charming...as we got to know each other, we found out that we both came from families of 7 children..just the opposite (my family had 6 girls, 1 boy and his, 6 boys and 1 girl), we both loved art. And the kicker...we both were twins! The similarities just went on and on.

Oh...I can go on and on...but I wont bore you with our love story. LOL

So this is why I love Valentine's Day.

You know what I ended up doing these last couple of nights and days...making 100 ipod candy valentines for the kids parties at school. I saw the project in a magazine about a month ago, and I just HAD to make it! All it is, is a box of conversation hearts, construction paper (or if you have a sign guy for a husband, like I do, we used hot pink vinyl), string, Hershey Kisses and tape. Well...after countless hours of printing, taping, and tying...I finally got it done! Woo hoo! And I must say, they turned out very cute!

I love seeing the smiles on my kids faces when I do something like this for them. I just wish I had my own craft room. I was sitting at the dining room table, then at the kitchen counter working on these things...all the while, Kenny and Gina fussing because of being sick...it ended up being 5 minutes working on the valentines, 15 minutes taking care of the little sickies, and so on....But it is done and their parties are today!

here is what they turned out to look like:

I'm back after a long break. We have strep throat here in the house...little Tony has it. It's just a matter of time before it spreads like wild fire and the entire house is going to get quarantined. I guess it is going around...everywhere. Tony and I have been up for the past couple of nights with Gina and Kenny, coughing like crazy and both with fevers. It makes for a F U N time. So everyone please keep both babies in your prayers that they wont have to be hospitalized...I just don't feel like staying at the hospital for any amount of time...it's getting old. Luckily, they are not wheezing too bad and Kenny is not breathing too fast....knock on wood!

I just get so paranoid with him. Every time he gets sick, I worry that his heart or lungs wont be able to handle it. And with his fever last night, I didn't want to fall asleep...I wanted to sit and hold him all night long to make sure he was going to be alright.

This past week was a pretty busy one for us. Kenny and Gina went for their immunizations...Kenny ended up getting 5! Three of the normal ones and 2 Sinygis for RSV...those suckers are EXPENSIVE! I cant understand how or why they would cost so much, but they do. It's almost a shame. Kenny got the shots last year and right after his last shot, he ended up getting RSV, what a waste of money.

Anyhow, at Kenny's check up he was weighed and is at 20 lbs. 2 oz. As a mom, I feel that he is doing horrible with his eating and weight, but the doc thinks that he is doing well, so...only time will tell. He is really trying to eat cheese puffs ans cookies, He wont bite it, but he licks it...I guess it's a start. I have even tried suckers.

As you can see, he doesn't have great hand control yet, but we are working on it! Now that he is sick, it's going to put his eating back a little bit. He is already not wanting to drink his bottles that much. He also stopped signing. I don't know why, I do it every day. He just stopped. Time to get serious with this whole signing thing...I have to say one thing...it's HARD...for a person...well...family that has NEVER had to even think about any type of hearing loss, learning and doing sign language really takes time and effort....every time we say something, we have to follow it up with a sign. Not to mention, Kenny being a very stubborn 21 month old and not wanting to keep his hearing aids in..no matter what we do. We were supposed to go to the audiologist this morning, but with his fever and cough, I didn't want to take him out.

On another note...

Gina started to hold her own bottle! Yeay!!! That helps mommy out a lot!! She is even trying to get up on her hands and knees...scooting backwards! She wants to really catch up to her big brother, Kenny so they can cruise the house together! I LOVE IT!

We have our very own Cabbage Patch Kid...

This is what NOT to do with a basketball! LMBO!!!
That's about it for now...its been a very crazy week here between sickness and running around...I'll leave you with a picture of a cute puppy that I fell in love with at the pet store...until I found out how much he cost...$1200 dollars! Ummm...no thank you...I'd much rather go to the pound and get one that needs a home for about $20! He was cute though!

I've been thinking...

Yes, that's right...I've been thinking...

I wonder how much the doctors have not told us about what is going to happen to Kenny. KWIM? He is constantly sick, developmentally delayed, sensoritory issues, the hearing loss, eating issues, muscle tone problems and now the possibility of braces because of his muscle tone in his legs...I have been wondering, in the back of my mind, if it was right doing everything humanly and medically possible to keep him alive in the NICU...when the government knows that babies born under a certain weight automatically gets disability. Do doctors know the long range outcome of our micro preemies?There are study after study showing the different things that face micro preemies...Autism, mental problems...its all very scary to me...I read those, and think, "what the heck did I do to my Kenny?" The guilt is overwhelming. Us as parents want only the best for our kids, that means from health to success...and we would do EVERYTHING to protect our babies. But, are we being selfish in wanting our 1 pound babies to survive? To me, the answer is yes, I am/was very selfish. I wanted my babies, both of them, and nothing was going to change my mind.

Except one thing...or should I say, someone...

God

He chose to take Nick and leave Kenny. Why? I am not sure. but, I look at his beautiful face and see him kissing Gina and laughing and smiling all the time. I see how much progress he has made since those scary days in the NICU near the brink of death. I see how many people his (and Nicks) lives have touched and also see all the people that we got to meet and befriend from them, and I feel we made the totally right decision to keep him alive and here with us. I just wish, hope and pray that he leads a normal, happy, productive, healthy and successfully long life...just as I do with all my kids.


So for all those new mommies and daddies who have just entered this nightmare of having a micro preemie, please don't give up hope. It's very scary but well worth it. You will get a mixed bag of reactions from people...from extreme generosity to completely ignoring that they (your baby) even exists...trust us...we know. The NICU is such a loving and caring place...trust your instincts...if your baby isn't acting right or looking right...say something. And know that the nurses and doctors there are only human. They will do everything they can, but in the long run..its up to God. Try to have faith, it's hard, but you have to in order to survive.

I am trying to think better thoughts. Trying to not to question the past or the future, but to stick with today.
I miss my Nick every day. The pain is as strong as it was the day it happened. But, I also have to remember that there is nothing I can do, think or say to bring him back. I just want to keep his memory alive. I want everyone to know that my husband and I have 8 children...not including my 2 miscarriages...that we are the parents to a set of spontaneous twins...just one is in Heaven. I was blessed to be able to carry twins...even though it was only 23 weeks, I am one of the few that knows what having 2 babies inside you feel like. I will cherish those memories for eternity! I also feel very blessed to have as many kids as I have. Having a Bicornuate uterus, I was told that I was lucky that I had one baby, let alone as many as I had AND a set of twins thrown in!!! My pregnancies were not very good...none of them. All my babies were born early. My first, my water broke at 29 weeks but I was able to keep him in to 34 weeks...in the hospital! My husband would come to the hospital every evening after work and just sit with me...for 5 weeks! Then my second, third, forth and fifth...I was on and off bed rest throughout the pregnancies only to deliver again at 34 weeks. But I am thankful that they are here...heck, Sydnie and Kayleigh both had true knots in their cords...I have a picture of Kayleighs, but its pretty gross! LOL. So I am lucky that I didn't lose 3 babies! Then came the twins at 23 weeks and Gina blessed us with the most healthy of pregnancies and I had her at 36 weeks! So I have a lot to be thankful for. Yes, we are facing a rough road. Our married life has had it's ups and downs, tested through the years with births, miscarriages, hospital stays, financial woes, etc... but after all that Tony and I have gone through together, It has made us closer as a couple. Raising 7 kids on top of mourning the loss of a child is very hard, but we are handling it. I have hit my lowest these last couple of weeks. I've been tested, and felt like I've failed. I silently vowed to myself, my family and God, that I would start thinking more positive (now if only my kids would start listening to me! LOL!). So, there you have it.

I am still very scared of what the future has in store, but with my husband, my kids and my memories, I will try to make the best out of everyday I have on this earth.



God...now I need a vacation!


So all of you that read my blog or even just click on it...


PLEASE SIGN THE EXTREME MAKEOVER HOME EDITION PETITION!!!

Our family could really use the help...plus it would make one heck of a tear-jerker story!


it seemed to have slowed down in signatures...Pass it on to everyone you know...and make sure you tell those to pass it on! LOL!

My opinion on the birth of those 8 babies

She already has 6 at home!!! They range in age from 7-2! I'm pretty ticked off about this because there is no way she should have been taking fertility meds...none! Is it now a "thing to do"...lets see how many premature babies I can carry at one time...MAN! this really is hitting a nerve with me. That would be like me getting fertility treatments. Were they all looking to get the media coverage, money, book deals, TV...you name it? I just don't understand. Just because she probably wants her 15 min of fame. Is there a law as to who can get treatments? doesn't it seem like people, including celebs, abuse the whole fertility treatment issue? Shouldn't it be for people that are having a hard time getting pregnant and not for people who just want "twins" or 12 kids all at once, so they can break records...etc? I find it disgusting that these people are doing this. Does money mean that you can choose to have twins, triplets...octuplets...Do these people know what happens in a NICU? I know first hand...its not pretty...and they are risking the lives of those innocent babies! Not to mention all the problems they are facing as they get older. I say, shame on the doctors and hospital for even thinking about implanting more than 2 in this woman...even 3...she has a 2 year old for god sake. What kind of fertility problems could she possibly have? Was the hospital looking to cash in on this record breaking pregnancy/delivery? Come on! Shame on the parents too. Do they think they hit the lottery? I pray that those babies are healthy and lead a great life....but I sit here startled at the fact that at one time, fertility treatments were used to help couples who were having a hard time conceiving on their own, and now its being used be people who want more than one. Look at all the celebs that have started having twins...there is NO WAY that these people conceived them spontaneously...none! Especially since getting a picture on a magazine cover can pay millions! Does that mean if I had money, both my twins would be here? Its just disgusting...that's all.
OK... I read some of the articles surrounding this and she has had fertility treatments in the past...hence her set of 2 yr. old twins...
Well if she has fertility issues in the past...don't you think that they should of only implanted a couple eggs...I mean...7 eggs (I'm giving them that because they didn't know about #8). Is there a limit as to how many they can/will implant? Isn't there a moral code for doctors or something? They knew that the fertility treatments worked...they worked for her last pregnancy...so implanting all those fert. eggs and then offering her selective reduction was the hospitals fault. How do they expect a pregnant woman to "reduce" her pregnancy...they should of only put a few in!I am not bashing the parents for wanting children...I am bashing everyone involved for risking the lives of the babies and mother...just for publicity and that is ALL it comes down to...when you look at the whole thing! I know that in some articles, they said that they were going to be hard to find...but...come on...when the $$ offers start, they wont turn it down...no one would.

Added comment: I was sent this comment anonymously and want to comment on it:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "My opinion on the birth of those 8 babies": I'm sorry, but I really don't think it is our business to judge. Honestly, as I read your blog and how all of your pregnancies were rough and risky, my first thought was "why did she keep getting pregnant and risking more little lives? Why didn't she adopt instead?"There are many people out there who don't think people should have 8 kids like you did, especially when you live in such a small house. People might call that irresponsible. We don't know why this family made the choices they did, but it isn't our business. The family asked for privacy, and I think they deserve it.

I want to let people know that my post and feelings have nothing to do with how many kids this person has, it has to deal with the ethical factors that were involved with putting so many fertilized eggs inside of ANY woman, at one time. I didn't "attack" anyone. To come at me stating the fact that I shouldn't of had all these kids, should have adopted, and call ME irresponsible was very inappropriate...maybe that is why this person chose to stay anonymous, IDK. I have a loving home, money to feed, clothes and give my kids a nice life. I teach them right from wrong, how to be responsible kids, send them to a good catholic school...and my house is kept as nice as it can be. It is small, but we don't know any other way. I'm not the only one questioning this woman...It just so happened that I was one of few that questioned it first...now its all over the news...so its not just me!
I wish no wrong on anybody nor do I judge people...I was stating facts about this whole situation.
Thank you.

Snowstorm 09

I just had to post some snow storm pictures from today...

Morgan and Kayleigh wanted to brave the elements! Morgan will be coming in the house all broken out in hives because she is very allergic to this...but at least she is having some fun!


Oh to be a kid again!

Oh yeah...doesnt this look like F - U - N!!!!

And here is one of Kenny...minus the hearing aids...

Kenny hits 20 lbs!

Yes that is right...our little 1 lb. 7 oz. little man has finally hit the big 2-0! At 20 months old, Kenny has hit that magical number! Woo Hoo! Twenty pounds means he actually will be sitting in a regular car seat...FORWARD. We are beyond excited


On the down side to that...he is sick...again. Actually, Gina is the one with the Bronchiolitis/RSV, so we are going to have to keep an eye on both of the little ones. We were up all night, between Gina coughing and crying and Kenny with his fast, shallow breathing...I would sit and count how many breaths per minute he'd be breathing and it was 60 bpm all night...needless to say, it didn't make for a very relaxing night. I am hoping tonight is a little better.

Gina had her 6 month old check up today and she is a healthy 16 lbs. So I guess it's 2 new car seats very soon...gotta love my Irish twins! LOL!!! She is starting to scoot and pivot when on her belly also grab for things with both hands now. You know, even after all these kids, I still find it so fascinating how babies can just start hitting milestone after milestone and do things that just a week prior to, couldn't...I am in such awe of what God has created.


This weekend was such a busy one for our bunch. My 3 oldest kids read the petitions at the family mass on Sunday...the practiced all week long...and all 3 did a fantastic job! They each had a word or 2 that they stumbled over while practicing, but when it came down to it...all three read their petitions perfectly. I was so proud of them. Oh, to top it off, it was a crowded mass, so they had to read in front of a tons of people (I could NEVER do that!).

After church, the school had open house (they go to Catholic school). You know, I never get tired of seeing what my kids have done in school. I love seeing their good grade papers on the walls. All the art projects that they have been working on. I love seeing and talking with all the teachers and parents. We have really made some great friends and acquaintances there during these past 6 years! My husband, who used to go to St. Francis, gave the gym a little "face lift" this week... He wanted it to look nice for the open house. It's nice to see someone that really takes pride in his Alma mater! It's still sad that Fr. Hoban wasn't there to see the gym, all the school kids and well, just about everything...he is really missed.

On a different note,

I had a visitor tonight...As I was cleaning the kitchen from Little Tony and I making pizzelles for his cub scout's bake off, someone knocked on our side door. I thought it was one of my husbands friends or clients or something, so I answered the door. There stood a man holding a box of bakery...he went on to thank us for putting up the sign in our front yard...(a little side note)...Since we live on a main road and know a lot of police officers, my husband decided a few years back, to put up a sign in our front yard telling people to "thank a police officer, their doing their job for us"...then when a cop was killed a couple of years ago, he put up a sign next to it in honor of that fallen police officer...well, since then, he put up 3 more. The latest officer was a 24 year old named Jarod Dean, who was killed cleaning up after an accident.

Anyhow, getting back to this person at my side door. So then, he proceeded to tell me that Jarod was his brother...my heart went to the floor and then to my throat. This man standing in front of me just lost his brother...not even a week ago...and he is giving US bakery?! I so badly wanted to hug him and tell him that I know what he and his family is going through...because I too lost a brother. I wanted to talk with him so much, but all that came out was that I was sorry for his loss and that we were praying for their family...that's it! OMG! I just went blank! I am planning of getting hold of his family to explain my "lack of words". I just feel so bad that I just stood there like a deer in headlights..he completely caught me off guard. That poor family, they have a long road ahead of them. My love and prayers go out to them.

Our March Of Dimes day

Well today was very therapeutic for me. I finally got out of the house a little bit and did something for a cause. I was at a booth for the March Of Dimes passing out info. I loved it. I made friends, got to great people...it just was very nice. So nice, that I really want to get involved in all of the local fundraising and the events that take place. It is a cause that I really believe in...every baby should be born healthy...and on time! From a mom who had all her babies early...I would have loved to have known the feeling of a healthy pregnancy and baby. I know that because of my bicornuate uterus that having a full term pregnancy is almost not thought of, but for those women who have their babies early for no reason or because they don't have insurance or the money for prenatal care along with vitamins...just shouldn't be. It's amazing how as I was sitting at the booth, women would just walk by....actually try to avoid the table, like I was going to be one of those surveyors at the mall or something...it was pretty funny. If those women only knew the struggle that a mother and father of a premature baby has to deal with...the NICU, the hospital visits, the doctor appts...if they only knew that the March Of Dimes gives so much to help these babies and their parents...wow.This is Kenny flirting with everyone that walked by...oh yeah..he was our little spokesperson for the day! My husband also confirmed that he is a "chick magnet". Tony was such a great dad today. He ended up walking the mall about 10 times with most or all of the kids. LOL He had to of gotten the looks...a guy, no wife around, and 7 kids...oh yeah...the women walking the mall were probably thinking that he is the worlds greatest dad and hubby....which he is...and the guys in the mall were probably thinking that he is screwed because if there was no wife around...that means he was probably divorced...and divorced with Sunday visitations with 7 kids = a whole lot of child support! LMBO!!! But anyways...the kids were, for the most part, really good. They got to go to a mall...which they have not done in about 2 years, help me out....yes, they passed out bags and information packets, and it was just an overall nice day.... except for the snow storm that dumped 4 more inches! Blah!


This is Little Tony, Kenny and myself...



When I did get the chance to look around at the bridal booths that were set up, I fell in love with this local bakery... these cakes were so beautiful..made me want to get married all over again! These were my favorites!!!
So now that I am inspired to make a difference in prematurity... Our whole family will be walking the March of Dimes, March for Babies walk April 26. We will be walking because ALL of my children were premature...and that's a lot of prematurity in one family! I am striving to reach our goal of $500 raised, so if anyone would like to make a donation for a great cause, feel free to help.

I found a few pictures....

The picture above is a month after he was born, so a whole month of growing was involved here!!! His fingers were much smaller than a macaroni noodle!!!

I found a few pictures of Kenny when he was in the NICU...this is a perfect one to show you the size he was...I could pretty much hold him in my hand...its so amazing that such perfect tiny little beings can actually survive....what a miracle that I have...that I stare at every day! We had PT/OT today and she and myself both noticed Kenny's left foot rolling inwards. I wasn't sure if that was because he was just starting to stand against stuff or what, so I asked her what she made of it. She wants us to keep an eye on it because it might be is "low tone" in his lower half that is causing it....worst case scenario would be a brace...So when I go to the doctors with Kenny, I'll ask them to take a look at it. I am hoping that it doesn't cause him any discomfort or pain...I just want him to be alright. On another note...I also found, on my computer, some small videos that I took of him in the NICU when he was first trying to open his eyes! I am so excited that I got that on tape! LOL...you know your a micro preemie mommy when you can honestly say that you saw your baby with his eyes fused together and you also saw them open for the first time! LOL!

Oh...and one more thing...my little guy ate 2...that's right...2 french fries! YEAY FOR KENNY!!!

I took this picture yesterday (Monday), because he just looked so...well...perfect! He was so comfortable taking his nap...I just love my guy!

I have to show you our snow. It has been non stop snowing here in Northeastern Ohio...and let me tell you...it is getting old...really fast! This is our deck looking into the backyard...this was taken this morning. I'd say we got about 3 more inches on top of that! YUCK!Its not only the snow...its the cold. I am such a freeze baby that going skiing would be like a death sentence to me. LOL Nope, winter and I don't mix! And just to think...only 2-3 more months of it. Oh yeah. I'm looking forward to it, aren't you! LOL!

Life....why does it have to be so hard

I am trying to understand why life...my life...the one that is supposed to be fun, adventurous and exciting, turning into more of a life of sadness, fear and unknowing. After the first one, It just felt natural. I love being a mommy...what I didn't sign up for was the fact that I had 8 children, 1 child die, 2 miscarriages, a child that struggles every day, and the question of why. Why did so much heartache have to happen to Me (and Tony), why does my husband have to work so hard for 10 years making his sign business sucessful, and it only takes 2 months for everything to almost fall apart. No warning, no nothing...You give and give, and think that because you give and give, things will be good...well that is what is supposed to happen...right? For people to look down on us for having so many kids. It's not because we had so many kids that things are bad! We have a lot of love to give our little ones. I am holding onto hope that this is a minor setback. Heck, everyone has bad times...ours is just lasting a good 2 years! ANYTIME NOW...the cloud will lift and things will pick up.. Again, I do not regret having my children, I love them with all my heart. I wouldn't trade them in for anything! I just wish I had more to give them. I wish that they had their own stuff, their own personal space. I wish that we didn't have to protect Kenny from getting sick, that we could go out as a family, that we could go on a vacation. My kids would love to go on a family vacation...anywhere, but right now, we cant. I'd love to have sleepovers, after school play dates, dance and music lessons,..but...nope. So, for that, I feel sorry and AM sorry to my kids. I would love to snuggle up at night with my hubby without 2 kids in between us in our bed...and for that I am sorry. I would love to get my husband an Anniversary present...or just an Anniversary dinner, but no, not this year. This year is not starting off very well.

It seems like all my posts are more and more depressing...well, it not intentional...it is just how things are going at the moment, I am scared about how Kenny will turn out...well all my kids for that matter, but Kenny especially. There is no way a baby born at 23 weeks, a baby who missed most of the 2nd and all of the 3rd trimester can be OK. I see what he is doing and what he is going through, daily...I am praying to God that life is good to him and that he will be OK, have happiness, friendships and be successful in whatever he does. Again, I want this for all my kids, but because Kenny has some major issues, I just hope life is gentle on him. Not to mention the everyday junk... the washer broke, my cell phone broke, my computer broke, the coffee maker broke...I thought things were supposed to happen in groups of 3...ummmm...so does that mean I have to wait for 2 more things to break?...oh wait...LOL...only one more...I am already broke! LOL! So I'll end it on this...

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Update to laundry...

I just wanted to post some pictures so you all dont think we live like hoarders! LOL

In the last post, you saw my laundry and the stuff that we were giving to Goodwill....well...Tony took the stuff yesterday and since the weather took a nose dive to -9 below, the kids have no school...so we all pitched in and put the laundry away! woo hoo!!!

Kenny's appt was rescheduled because I just couldnt see taking him out in this weather...so we get to wait till next Thursday for the Preemie Clinic. So...without further ado...pics of the basement...minus laundry and junk!

Just a small update

Wow...where to start... First off, I want to apologize about not posting more. My laptops motherboard cracked in half...don't ask how...LOL...so I am using my husbands computer until mine is fixed. We have been bombarded with snow since Saturday and it's still coming down! I cant wait till spring...but then....my backyard gets flooded and it's not a very pretty picture.

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and support for our quest to get on Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I am slowly making a video of each room of the house and ourselves. If there is ANYONE who wants to say a kind word on video for us...please e-mail us at mtomecko@yahoo.com . We need people in our community who knows us to help us out in that way. I want to get the application and video mailed to them soon. I am so grateful to you all...I even see that we have our Mayor's support...Thanks Dean!

I have been very busy cleaning house to "declutter"... I cant get over all the stuff we can accumulate....crazy!!! I am also trying to figure bedrooms out. Right now we have 2 sets of bunks in 1 room, a single bed and a crib in another 8x9 room, and our bedroom has our bed and a crib. I think we have decided to get a sofa bed for the living room for us to sleep on and just have all the kids in the upstairs rooms (come on home makeover ;) !

I also want to say that my video that I worked so hard on of my twin pregnancy throughout the whole Nicks death/Kenny's NICU stay was blocked from google video and You Tube because of the songs that were on there...copyright problems...oops. I don't understand...other people have their videos of their preemies and angels on there with beautiful songs from popular singers and THEY don't get banned...It just makes me sad that I cant show what I worked hard on and show off my beautiful babies and their struggles, but I also understand the copyright infringements. I am just sad about this...that's all.

So onto Kenny and the rest of the kids...

My Kenny has made great strides! He is now pulling up to standing on everything. He is crawling using his hands AND is now climbing the stairs...which we are blocking off. He has also learned to throw temper tantrums...and boy does he throw some doosies!! He has also started to eat cheerios and puffs!!! We are so happy about this...I even caught it on a picture...
PLEASE DONT PAY ATTENTION TO THE SLEEPER HE IS IN....ALL HIS WERE DIRTY! LOL!!!

Still cant keep those darn hearing aids in either. I don't know what I am going to do! It's driving me nuts~!

On another note....Tony and I are very concerned with his lack of weight gain...he is stuck at 19 lbs....he has his preemie clinic on Thursday, so we will be asking about that. I just don't feel that the Pediasure is doing any good for him, except add too much sugar to his diet. We've been dealing with his fast breathing as well... I am hoping that he is not on his way to getting sick again...but it would just be apprapoe I guess.

The funny thing is, his baby sister Gina weighs almost as much as him...she is now 15 lbs at 6 months old...the biggest baby I've had to date...notice the head size difference... I am hoping that we can figure out why he isn't gaining...I am wondering if it is from all the breathing treatments everyday...I heard that they can stunt growth. If he isn't growing, his lungs don't heal, and if his lungs don't heal, he will have to continue the treatments...seems like a no win situation.

The other kids are doing great. Tony is in basketball...their team really hasn't won a game yet, but to me, its all about having fun...and they do. Taylor and Morgan got Generation Girl dolls for Christmas...so they've been busy with those...and Sydnie...my little Kindergarten Sydnie got her artwork in an art show....She was so excited and I, being a proud mommy was so happy to see her happy! Here she is with her entry...LOVE IT!!!!
and here is another picture that she drew at home...just doodling...I must say, she is following the Kowalczyk/Tomecko artist combo! She's only 5!!!!I am so happy that all my kids have inherited the art gene from both Tony's side and mine!
Well that's about all for now...until I get back from Kenny's appt. on Thursday.
Please keep up with the petition...and pass the info along to others.
Thanks so much. Tony, the kids and I are very grateful to you all that have signed!

OK...I am gonna be brave and post a couple of pictures of my laundry and of the wall of "stuff" I'm giving to goodwill....
Here is my basement with my laundry....
And here is the stuff I'm giving to goodwill...minus the drum bass...which is my son's (who loves to play the drums thanks to my neighbor who gave him a double bass drum...I think that is what they call it)... And that is only most of the clothing...I still have all the toys that I think I am gonna be donating...some to the hospital's PICU and some to the woman and children's shelter...

Ah a new year!

As I finally get a chance to sit here and type what is on my mind and what I've been doing theses last couple of weeks, I want to take a minute to thank you all for stopping by my site and reading. Reading about my family, my son who is a little miracle, and about what life has to offer for my family. Thank you for taking time to care about what is happening in my little corner of the world.
These last few weeks have been a whirl wind of craziness. Before Christmas, our house was plagued by sickness...on Christmas...still plagued and as New Year's Eve came and went...so did more sickness. It just seemed that we couldn't get this stupid virus out of our house...I even went to the extreme of opening a couple of windows to try to freeze the germs away! LOL!
I spent all of New Year's Day wiping down everything with Clorox Disinfecting Wipes...at least everything smelled clean and germ free.
Since they are back in school starting tomorrow, I give it about a week until the kids bring home another sickness...and the cycle continues!
The tree is down, the decorations put away and it is back to the normal, everyday life that was...before all hectic "must haves" and "have to dos". We rang in the New year with just our little family (I use the word little, lightly) LOL. We had the typical...lunch meat tray, pickle and olive tray... the black olives are a huge hit with the kids. We finished it up with the family classic...my Daddy's New Year Punch. I remember every New Year's Eve, we'd have a big family party...just like the kind that I am trying to recreate, but bigger with more relatives, my dad would make this punch...consisting of Hawaiian Punch, Ginger Ale, vanilla ice cream and fruit cocktail! I have happily carried on the tradition with my kids now asking when I will be making the punch! I LOVE IT! We had the confetti poppers and the noise makers. Trying to keep 5 kids quiet because the 2 babies were sleeping was almost impossible, but somehow we managed and they didn't wake. The kids stayed up late with Tony while I went to bed around 12:30...I was still sick so sleep is the only thing I really wanted this new year! LOL!
Kenny rang in the new year by showing us that he can climb...yep...he now climbs up the steps. He is a very active little boy. He loves crawling! Actually, he has mastered it! Now that the holidays are over, we are going to start back up with his PT/OT and hearing and speech therapy. I cant wait! He still has some tightness in his hands and his legs are still a little stiff, but he is also kneeling and pulling up to a standing position which is so exciting to see! He hasn't really learned any new signs, so we are going to have to work on that too (along with trying to keep those dang hearing aids in).
Gina is now loving the idea of "tummy time". I really think she may be crawling within the next month! She is such a good baby. She is so...normal. Not that Kenny isn't, it's just that she is doing things that babies her age are doing while Kenny is doing things that a 8-9 month old would be doing. *still feeling a little guilty about the whole...having them early thing.*
Which brings me to my next topic...
I am sure you have all heard by now that John Travolta's son passed away. Anyone that grew up with me knows that I was totally infatuated with him since I was about 6-7 years old. I made a Grease scrapbook when it was out in the theatres...I STILL have it! Yep! I loved Welcome Back Kotter, had a couple of his albums (yes, he had a few), and just was head over heals for him. To hear that he has lost his son, just made me feel sorry for him and his wife. I know first had what they are going through...I didn't have Nick for 16 years, but I did have him, and a loss of a child is still a loss of a child, no matter what way you look at it. I don't care if some people think that because Nick was only 2 days old AND was a micro preemie, that Tony and I should get over it faster... Ah...NO. He was NOT a fetus, he was a living, breathing baby whom we had hopes and dreams for...not to mention...more love than you could even imagine.
To hear these news reports reporting on how John and his wife are doing, feeling....recounting the last moments...it's just sad. Brings back a lot of unsettling, sad feelings. I can tell you exactly what they were feeling...they were probably praying that this was all a bad dream. Begging with him to wake up, pleading with him, pleading with anyone to help wake him up and to not let him die. There is an emptiness that comes with losing a child. You want to throw up, cry, you cant breath, then when you think that you cant cry anymore, you do. Anything can and will make you feel the sadness of losing your child. Sometimes it will be OK to talk about it, while other times...it feels like the day it happened...the rawness of the whole thing. You want to keep as many memories alive as you possibly can, but sometimes it hurts to bad and you want to forget...but then you feel bad for that and, well...it's just sad. I hope that the media will let this family mourn in private...for as long as they need, because it is such a privately sad time in their lives. A mother and father have lost the most precious gift that God has given them.
So with that, I have to say that I am keeping the Travolta family, and any other family who have recently lost a child in my prayers and thoughts. These next few days, weeks, months and years are going to be sheer he**. No parent should have to bury their child, no matter what age.

Please read and sign the petition...PLEASE!!!

Hi everyone, I just want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year!!! If you haven't noticed, I have a petition box on my blog. My family is trying to get enough signatures to print out and sent to the producers of Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I know it is a long shot, but we already filled out the application...our next big thing to do is make a video...any ideas would be great. We really, really need this. I know that I got a comment stating that I should say what we have or are doing for our community because there is nothing on it...well, we have done so much...we donate clothes, food and toys (that haven't been beat up by the kids) to the areas all around us. My husband has done many things for the schools, churches, the Cystic Fibrosis foundation, American Heart Association, and cities around here...signs from fundraisers to centerpieces and tickets...My husband is the kind of guy that makes friends with everyone. He can go anywhere and strike up a conversation with them. Always looking for the good in all, he never is quick to judge anybody. Not only is he a very hard worker, but he spends time with our kids...takes them here or there...while I stay home with the little ones, or the ones that are sick at the time. He even joined the school PTU...now how many dads can you honestly say you know, that actually ENJOYS doing all the school functions that he can! He always has to make sure that the elderly people around us...well actually...most of our neighbors around us, have their yards raked in the fall and their driveway and walkways shoveled in the winter. He makes sure that we give food to the needy, even though sometimes we ARE the needy. We may not have a "cause" to fight in the community, or a state funded grant for a "cause", but we help and care for those around us with what we have to offer.
So if you all would be so kind to pass this petition on to everyone you know and have them sign it, I would be forever grateful to you.
A great big THANK YOU to all of you that have already signed! Thank you all for the nice notes you left with your signature! Love you all!

Now I would like to take this time to publicly thank my family for everything that have done for us. My husbands business has slowed WAY down because of 1)Kenny being in and out of the hospital and 2)the economy...no one has the money for signs and graphics...advertising is the first to be cut from a budget. So this past month has been one that we would much rather not talk about. We have been struggling... and my family helped us out with a Christmas dinner and presents for the kids...Thank you all very, very much! Also, Tony's brother gave him a van, since his died. This is such a bad time for us...I've been so down about it. So sorry if I've been distant lately...it's been a very bad couple of years...Nicks death, Kenny with all his problems, financial, and a few other things...mix it all together, and you get a very stressful emotional mess.
I am so thankful to God that our marriage is a strong one, because through everything, we have each other...like our marriage vows, for richer or poorer, through sickness and health...yep...been there...done that...in 13 short years of marriage! I would not wish any of this...on anybody...and for everyone that has told us that we shouldn't of had so many kids...we wouldn't trade a hug or a smile from any one of our kids!!!! They ARE what life is about. We are proud of all of our kids and will make the best out of what God has given us (and has taken away) I can only hope that when they are grown, they rally around one another like our family has done for us...THANK YOU!
Oh, I am also still getting angel ornaments from people...I love them, thank you for sending us a little happiness.

I can hear at last!

Today is the start of a new Kenny! He has gotten his hearing aids! It is going to be a slow "getting used to them" process because, all he wants to do now is rip those suckers right out of his ears! Soooo....what we are doing is one ear at a time. He seems fine with only one in...doesn't even know it is in, so we will be doing this until he starts to realize that they help him hear and are not just a toy to throw or bite! LOL! For the times that he has had one in his ear, he seems so much more aware of everything. It's like watching a small miracle unfold with him! I cant wait till he can keep them in both ears and starts to really take off, developmentally! He will definitely need them for life, but hey, a small price to pay to hear!

Thank you all for the prayers for Johnnie, they seem to be working. He should be getting out of the hospital tonight...hopefully. He has had a few rounds of antibiotics and he pretty much has to be away from all germs. He has some sort of infection of the bone marrow...or something like that. When I find out more, I will update. :)

We had our "BIG" snow storm last night through today...ummm...started off as snow, turned to rain...If anything, there was lots of slush...I was hoping that the last day of school would not get cancelled because of the ice that we were supposed to get...thank God it was just slush! I'll tell ya what though, the trees looked so pretty with the little ice that did form on the branches...

So now all the kids are off school for 2 whole weeks....I need ideas that will keep them busy...I actually need ideas that will keep me sane!!!

Things I love...

I figured that I have been feeling very down lately, with everything going on in my life, that I would list what I love....so...here goes...
My family
My husband when he hugs me
When my kids smile and are truly happy
Watching Kenny sleep...he sleeps on his tummy...very, very cute!
Trying to change Gina's shirts...she is very ticklish under her arms, and she cracks up every time I try to take something off or put something on her!
Christmas music

My sisters because we all have this bond that is so very special to me...I love you all

My parents because even though they are a million miles away, I can still call them and they can make me feel better...love you guys!

My friends...even though I am not around much or call them...I love them (Denise...yes you!)Snow...when I don't have to go outside

4:00 am-7:00 am...because it is MY time...no kids (after I get one of the babies to sleep)
My church...they have helped us very much these past 2 years.
My kitchen...I still love it after 3 years after I redesigned it...It's my favorite part of my old, small house.
My Angel ornaments
My Foxes that live in my back yard...its so fun watching them play back there.
My garden in the summer
The first warm Spring day
Being able to fit into my clothes that I wore when I was 20...even after 9 pregnancies!
Making jewelry and headpieces....I feel so accomplished when I finish a piece!
Oh...Painting my Christmas village...you know, those unfinished plaster pieces...well, I have a whole village that I painted...LOVE IT!
Harry Connick Jr, his voice AND his looks...(heehee...had to throw him in, sorry Tony, you know I love you more! LOL)
The smell of lilacs
The look of Hydrangeas and roses
New Years Eve...we always have a little party with the kids...just like when I was little! Which brings me to the next one...
Traditions!
My Grandma Chiaverini's Squid in her spaghetti sauce...even though I haven't had it for years!
Artichokes...yummy!
A big feather pillow and warm, soft blanket!
New make-up
and I'll end the list with Obsession perfume...Reminds me of when I first met Tony!

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary (but have been together for 19).
What 13 years does to a person and what happens in those 13 years!
In 13 years we:

bought a house
my husband started his own sign business
had 8 living children
had 2 miscarriages
had 1 child die
bought several cars (from a Toyota MR2, to a 4 door sedan to a minivan and finally a 12 passenger) LMBO!!!
seen several close family members and friends pass away
seen many, many family members and friends have children of their own
been on only a few vacations (but that's OK...were saving up for something big!)
and I became a stay at home mom.

Oh and the firsts...let me tell you...all the firsts that we experienced together:
Death of our child (I pray, no one should ever experience this one)
Our kids birthdays
the first day of school for them
redecorating our house/yard
oh my, I can go on and on...

Births...all preterm...out we were expecting again...and again...and again....etc.. including finding out we were expecting twins...

I remember how stunned we were when the tech told us that there were 2 in there!

Not many people approved of us having so many children, but we chose what God has blessed us with, not by what people have scolded us for.

We have been through more than what most couples go through. I am hoping that the worst of it is over though.

So, Tony...Happy Anniversary Honey. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and less than tomorrow! Thank you for weathering the storms that we have been through together...I know things have not come very easy for us, but I love you none-the-less.

Here's to the next 13!

The Signing Snowman

Yes, today was an eye opener for our family. We went to an event that the Regional Infant Hearing Program held. It was for the kids in their program and their families. They read 2 books while the snowman signed...it was so nice. My kids really enjoyed meeting new friends...actually, Tony and I did too. My first instinct was to say that MY child was not like this and we really don't belong...but as I sat and watched all these little babies and kids...I realized..."Oh my gosh, we ARE one of these families, my child DOES need hearing aids....he IS one of those kids that cant hear very well". It was kind of hard to swallow, but as the party went on, I started to feel more relaxed to the idea. It is very strange how, when thrown into a situation, what transpires...my children are all learning signs for everyday simple words...I love it. My 3 year old is one of the ones that LOVES to sign...and she shows off how well she can and all the different words.
This is a picture of Kenny signing "more"...

Here is a picture of them making snowmen out of Graham crackers, marshmallows, pretzels and m&m's....the had tons of fun doing this:And this is the kids posing with Frosty the Snowman (who, by the way, was over-heating in the costume).So afterwards, we went to the cemetery to take Nick's snow cross marker and a Christmas tree...My baby needed a tree! I am going to be adding more, but it was just waaaay to cold out! I have a wreath that I am going to be putting on the cross...and I also am going to be getting some poinsettias to put there too. I feel like I should do more, but I am trying to tell myself that Nick isn't there...he is in Heaven...it's mostly for us..the decorations, the notes that I bury to him..its all for us. Speaking of angels....I would like to share with the whole world, my angel Christmas tree. Most of these angels came from people from around the United States that granted my wish for angel ornaments from wishuponahero.com! I just wanted to have something that would remind me that my angels (Nick & my 2 miscarriage babies) were still with our family...in spirit. These wonderful strangers had a heart and sent them to me, so not only will I remember my angels, I will know that there is loving, kind and caring people in this world every Christmas that I put up this tree. If anyone would like to send me one for this tree or even next years, let me know in a comment and I will get back to you. My goal is to have a huge tree with angels from all over the world...and maybe...even...one day in our dream home ...
yes, we are a little obsessed with this house...its beautiful...just right now...a little out of reach (yes ...God, I am still waiting for that black cloud that is over our family right now to lift and You grant us a miracle...any day now).

So...anyhow....I'll end this post with a picture of our tree and the mantle full of stockings...we filled that up fast! LOL

And...yes....we DO have plug in fake logs! LMBO!!!

updates

Oh, It about time that I start posting again.

Lets see, Kenny is feeling MUCH better. He is actually back to his old self again. He is now crawling on his hand rather than his forearms! It is a very big accomplishment for him. Especially since he has not had PT/OT for a while, because of being in the hospital. He also is starting to sign! Yes, that is right! He now does the sign for "more" and "finished". I am so excited about this because before this, he really has not been communicating with us. We are still working on the signs for mom, dad, car (since he loves to look outside at the cars), and milk. This Saturday we are going to a "Signing Snowman" function that the Infant Regional Hearing Loss group is having. This will be our first time at any of their events. Kenny will be getting his hearing aids next Friday (the 19th). I am very nervous about this whole thing, but know that it will be a good thing for him.
Oh, I also have been able to get him to eat again. Its still the stage 2's but, at least he is eating again. I even gave him the liquid part to Campbell's alphabet soup...with some baby cereal to thicken it up...AND HE ATE IT! As you can tell, eating has been an issue for him. So we are slowly making progress!

Gina, his baby sister, is growing like a weed!!! I swear, she is going to surpass him in weight very soon! I don't think I have ever had a baby that likes to eat as much as her...I guess I can contribute that to having her at 36 weeks rather than 23 or even 34 weeks like the rest of my kids! I have to remember that she is developing right on target for her age...Kenny is not. I should be used to the "normal" but I have gotten very used to Kenny and his delays, that anything new that Gina does, I am flipping out that she is so advanced...but she is just right on! LOL. She is grabbing for things, trying to sit (with help of course), and just interacts so nicely...its so bittersweet.

I am still in the realm of wondering why God took Nick. What was/is His plan? Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER give Gina up or wish she wasn't here...She is my little ray of sunshine, But why couldn't God just let me be a mom of my twins. I guess he kind of is letting me, because Kenny and Gina are so close in age...and if you factor in the developmental delays, they are even closer. I am trying to move on and accept the way things are, I really am...I am waiting and hoping for the day that I wake up and accept my life, and what has, is, and will happen.

As for my other children, they are all busy with school. I cant believe that next Friday is the last day of school before Christmas break! I get to have the kids home with me for...two...whole...weeks! ummm. I really need to find things for these kids to do while home...I am up for any suggestions...that doesn't cost money since my husbands business is very slow. I am really hoping this slump ends...because if it doesn't...god knows what could happen. It also doesn't help that we are down to one vehicle, since his work van died. Yep...this year is just sooo good for us (dripping with sarcasm).
One final note to self: When you are diagnosed with dry eyes, no matter what...keep putting the eye gel in at night! Last Friday to Saturday...my cornea tore! I would give birth any day then experience a corneal abrasion! k...that all. ;)

Pneumonia and Kenny

I've been gone for a couple of days because our little Kenny was hospitalized for Pneumonia.
Tony took him into his routine Pulmonologist appt. on Tuesday, the doctor took one look at him and placed him in the hospital with IV antibiotics, fluids, liquid steroids and Albuterol every couple of hours. He spent 2 days there...and it did wonders...for him. He now has diarrhea from the medicine. While in the hospital, he learned the sign for "more". He does it all the time now! Next week, we are going to a "signing snowman" party given by the Hearing loss center. It sounds like fun for the whole family.
Today is the 22nd angelversary for my brother, John. I remember that day like it was yesterday. My parents were taking my twin and I to tour Bowling Green State University...It was such a special day because none of their kids went to college...this was the first time looking at a college for their kids! Anyhow...we got there and a police car stopped our car as we were in a parking lot. The officer told my parents to follow them to the station. There, They had to call home. My sister told them the news that my brother died. He has a heart attack. At age 24! I never saw my parents cry so hard. That whole way home was torture. We all were so sad. My parents' hearts were broken forever. How could this happen? Their only son...a young father of 2 and one on the way...my only brother. Why? I remember them pulling the car over several times just to hold each other and cry. We got to the hospital and were taken in the family room, where everyone was. My parents went to see John in the room that they worked on him. Who would of thought that 21 years later, I would be experiencing the same heartache. I asked my parents when does the missing, the sadness, the emptiness go away...they told me that it doesn't, it just gets easier to live with.
John was a crazy brother...he was so typical of a big brother...always picking on his little sisters. LOL. He worked with at the High school that we attended. Loved by all. One of the last memories I have is of him sitting in the auditorium and listening to our singing group, The Heights Singers, practice for our winter concert. We made it through the concert, but with many tears! So John...I love and miss you dear brother. Your kids are beautiful. I wish you were here so I can make fun of your gray hair...or being a grandpa...but since you are not, Please take care of Nick for me.