It's all gone to sh*t....no...really!

So as raising a child with special needs isn't enough...what it entails on a daily basis is crazy! First you get the worrying about his health. Then you have the meds, feeds, therapies, specialists, doctor visits. Oh, lets not forget the much needed help because...well, lets face it, who wants the burden watching a special needs child for a few hours. The grinding of his teeth, the unable to talk and tell you what he wants or needs...it gets tiring. Its better to just ignore and don't ask...I guess, out of sight-out of mind is the key phrase here. And I guess after this little event, I can understand (in a way) why!
While I'm in the middle of changing loads of clothes (I think it was load 14 to be exact), I brought up a basket of towels and Sydnie walks past Kenny, who was standing in our living room (which was our dining room but we changed it into a living room...or...a family room if you want to call it that) and makes a comment something to the effect of..."Oh Kenny (using her quiet, flower child meets nun quality tone that she has), what do you have on your hand? What, where did you get chocolate...from?

Wait...ummm...ummm...that's not chocola...a...aaa...ahhhhhhh...AHHH...MOM!!!! MOOOOOOM...Its NOT CHOCOLATE!" As her quiet demeanor turned to some crazy screaming, psyco hair band dude screaming a high pitched song lyric! Kenny had POOP on his hand! Hmmmm...I thought to myself. I gently put the clothes basket on the dining room table and walked over to take a closer look for myself. Kenny is standing there holding his hand up and out in front of him like he was a surgeon with freshly scrubbed hands. But alas...that chocolate coating covering his fingers was not the sweet smelling, much craved for candy...nope...it was poop. At that point, I grabbed his wrist and quickly ran over to the diapers and wipes stash that I conveniently have placed under the TV stand. Grabbed oh, about 50 wipes and started wiping and wiping...and then if that wasn't enough, I still had to change the diaper from he** and all of its components! Even though I had 8 kids, poop still gets to me. I dont do poop very well and was gagging and about to puke the whole time.

Having a child who is almost 5 still in diapers is bad, but when said child has the mentality of a 2 year old...who thinks digging in ones poopie diaper is a fun and exciting experience...then you've got trouble! This has happened twice already...for me anyhow. I think my husband had this experience a few times as well.

My poor son will be having chapped hands for a while to come due to the fact that I think I scrubbed them with soap and washcloth till they were raw...then the hand sanitizer came out and was used!

God must really think I can handle all this sh*t....literally!

Which leads me to one last thing. Kenny decided to get hold of my computer, while I had it on my blog edit posts/new posts....and he, well...deleted my last post titled Little Reminders. I have a favor to ask. Could you, my readers look and see if you copied or read and it was saved in Google Reader? Because it is gone. He deleted the entire body of my poem that I spent days on. I guess it was my fault for not writing it in something else and then saving it to my blog, but I didn't. So if you could just take a look and see. If you can pull it up and have it somewhere, please let me know. I am beyond sick over this. I am hoping that blogger or google has it somewhere in cyberspace. This is another one of those instances...ugh.

Gotta love that crazy, little miracle kid of mine!

To whom it may concern:

Ok...the joke is over. You can take the curse off! You can stop with testing us now! You win! We did nothing wrong yet you feel the need to keep the fight going. Thank you for the test of our strength, purpose, love, compassion for others, family closeness, work ethics (in which we basically give our services, our God given talents to help others rather than charge an arm and a leg for them), and our sanity. It has been tough but these last couple of days have really been the kicker!
I'm giving my time and cupcakes for our church fish fry again and have basically been in a downwards spiral since the planning. Last year we were more financially stable and I had a huge oven to use...that is, until it exploded a few months back. I now have a much smaller one which only makes a few dozen at a time...not to mention the burning it likes to do to all my food! then to top it off, my time is extremely limited...Kenny has been a huge handful lately, and we are working with his therapists for that.
Last night, our kitchen sink faucet decided it was just going to stop working...and we just got it a few months back...so, no working kitchen sink...while making cupcakes...JOY!
...Tony just got brand new tires on his work van a few months a go....back tire completely flat.
...my van has something wrong with the back breaks (at least that's what the grinding in the back end sounds like).

So see...please give us a break. We are good people who live simple and god loving lives. We dont ask for anything from anyone, help others, and love our kids and each other dearly...but these issues/tests that we have been faced with (there are several more but I don't want to get into it) have been trying on my husband, myself and our kids. (Not to mention I have to make 300 cupcakes today).

You know who you are...thank you for thinking of us, but these tests are no longer needed. We just want a smooth, and somewhat easy life from this point on.
Thank you
Sincerely,
Michele

A birthday, a meltdown and one tired mom

We celebrated my daughter Morgan's 11th birthday on Sunday with a big family and friend party...nothing fancy, no bowling, no swim party, nothing showy or over the top...just a nice, old fashioned house, food, cake & ice cream, family and friends...and guess what? Everyone actually had a great time! She got a lot of really nice things...so different than when she was 10. Gone are the days of when requesting toys. It's all about gift cards, clothes and accessories! She played with her friends and showed off all her little cousins/second cousins to them like a "proud of my family" type of kid that she is, and then when the party was over, had a sleep over. So the party just kept on going!


Monday, on the other hand was much, much different...
Kenny had his speech therapy and his occupational therapy at the hospital...like he does every Monday. Except this Monday he chose to show his meltdown side....for the whole commonplace area of the hospital to witness. It was following his speech therapy in which towards the end of, his therapist (whom is a replacement for the one he loved) nonchalantly mentioned to me that the Cleveland Hearing and Speech center would be much more helpful...well...resourceful and able to help Kenny with using some kind of language...be it voice or sign. Because of his unability to pick up on...errr...uhhh...understand things clearly. I told her that he did go there a few years ago, but because he missed many appts due to his immune system and lungs being so weak (and being in the hospital much of the time), that they pretty much told us bye-bye and discontinued their services for him. I WOULD go back there but it is located much farther away than where he goes now...and with a 12 passenger van, our gas budget is already at it's highest (insert disturbed and upset face here).

I was honestly at a loss for words because of what she was saying to me! What, didnt she want to take that extra little bit of time and work with him? Didn't she think she could help him? His other speech therapist that left never was unhopeful or looked/acted as if she didn't want to be there or teach him signs or show him how to form sounds into words! This one I see getting frustrated with how he won't talk back or do what she wants...I guess that twenty-odd minutes that she works with him (once a week) must be the toughest part of her week! Ugh!
So as we left that lovely therapy session, I was feeling a little sad at the fact that now is when the "pushing the special needs child on someone else" starts. I was wondering when it was going to happen...well, it just started.

Fifteen minutes between therapies...
I had just enough time to run to the main (common) area to get a cup of coffee and a bag of chips like we always do and that is when all he** broke lose. My beautiful miracle of a child decided to scream, fall to the ground, ripped the hearing aids out of his ears and throw them in different directions....as I'm juggling my purse, his coat that I was carrying and a very hot cup of coffee...I reached for the hearing aid closest to me and spilled my coffee all over myself and the ground. All the while, people are staring at the bad mom that can't control her spoiled, screaming child in the middle of the hospital. Who at this point is scrambling after the second hearing aid AND one shoe that said child has now decided to take off and throw. I just knew the other shoe was next...followed by the shirt if I didn't calm him down...and fast. Oh where was the duct tape when I needed it the most (to tape his shoes on around his feet and legs so he wouldn't/couldn't take them off....what did you think I was gonna us it for?!).
After about 10 minutes of utter horror, I finally got him calmed down which was a miracle in itself! I couldn't bribe him because he really didn't want anything...he just threw a fit because I got fritos rather than my usual, pretzel nuggets like I always get...and he just flipped. This is classic example if how bad his OCD is getting. And then off to OT we went...and he was fine...I on the other hand was ready for a straight vodka shot and a padded room!

OT went much better than speech and our coffee break...thank GOD! We actually made it out of there with some progress. She got him to try to eat small bites of the Fritos that I bought. She also tried to get him to drink from a cup, which was a huge fail. Yes, my son who is almost 5 still drinks from a bottle....and no...I'm not a lazy mom who hasn't tried to get him to drink from a cup (I've tried several kinds...and he just can't get it) so no judging please.
So there you have it. A tired mom after a busy weekend along with a very high maintenance, special child...doesn't get much better than this!

The stressful life of an older micro preemie

The mornings go something like this....
Wake up at 5 am to enjoy a little bit of me/quiet time. Wake the kids up for school....wake them up again...and finally one more time did the trick! I make sure the kids put their clothes, socks, shoes, backpacks with all homework in it, and anything else they need, out the night before. This usually means that I am running around like a crazy mom trying to find one thing or another in the mornings. They are finally up...all 6 kids, that is everyone is up except for Kenny whom I try to let sleep as long as possible because I know when he gets up, the morning...the tranquil for the most part morning will be totally interrupted.
uh-oh...he's up! Darn...this is waaaay to early for him to get up! I have to iron some pants and a shirt or two, look for Kayleighs missing school shoe, break up an argument between sydnie and Morgan, sign a few papers that were given to me last minute...because my kids just...well...forgot to give them to me.
ok, all is ok...he's got his bottle of pediasure and his "taggies" which are the pajamas with the snap over flap covering the zipper...yes, he's the only kid I know that has always loved this taggies! I have to make sure he has his clothes out for preschool, especially his shoes. Oh the shoes...his biggest obsession! He HAS to have them on as soon as he wakes up in the morning or he flips out. It has since gotten much worse of an obsession as to now he is obsessed with making sure I have my shoes on and Gina has her shoes on. When I tell him no, all he** breaks loose! The quiet setting has turned into the worst stress scene you've ever seen! The screaming at the top of his lungs...and it's a high pitched scream...followed by the occasional head banging, removal of his shoes (which are then thrown), his socks go next and finally his shirt and pants! He has tried to remove his diaper but I've caught him before that point. If he'd of had his hearing aids in, those would be taken apart and thrown all over the house where we'd have to search for them for hours!
These breakdowns just don't happen here at home in the mornings...Nope, they happen all day long here, it happens at the grocery store, church, basketball games, restaurants, etc...they have made me/us a prisoner of my own home! I though RSV season was bad...this is by far the worse thing I've had to deal with. We've tried time outs on the couch, a smack on the hand, ignoring and several other discipline ideas...the thing is, he knows some things, but still developmentally delayed as to not understanding everything.
I am lost, down and extremely discouraged about this...and it's just getting worse! I've put calls onto his neurologist, his comprehensive care docs, and also his autism worker that is working with us with the P.L.A.Y. Project...I'm just feeling broken right now. I guess this is what the doctors have warned me about...and I never thought he'd be like this. I feel so bad because I'm trying to do the right thing but I don't know what it is. His OCD had gotten so bad and I'm scared.
Are there any other mom/dads/guardians out there that have had an older micro preemie going through this PLEASE help me. My heart hurts for him, my stress level is well beyond my limit and I just need encouragement that this is fixable.

Reason one million and one...

Why I love and admire my very strong (and challenging at times) son...and fight every day for prematurity and the repercussions it has on a person...not only on the child, but the parents & siblings.
His feeds are going so-so. He fights us on some of them along with trying to take off his backpack. He is trying to eat a little more and THAT is a great thing!

Happy Valentine's Day

We had a wonderful and quiet Valentine's Day! I made my little crafts for the kids to take in for their valentines to pass out. Gina and I made and surprised everyone with valentine cookies...and I made all my little loves their very own valentine from me to them!

A reason for all of this...

As you know, I've been having a hard time of things lately and feeling like I have no sense of self...who I am. I feel like just a mom, a maid, a mother of an angel baby, a caregiver to a special needs child...not exactly what I hoped to be...minus the mother part. Life has been overwhelming as of lately and I let myself fall into the self-pity trap. Part of this is because of lack of sleep, having been sick for a few weeks, and then there are some other issues...
So as of this morning, after a WONDERFUL full night of sleep, (Yes, Kenny only woke up one time...and no, I didn't have his feed hooked up to him. I think it was also because he woke up at 5 AM the day before, and he was going, going, going all day long...until he finally passed out at 7:30!) I decided to start the day off on a positive note. I worked out (which I stopped for a few weeks), and started to really work on potty training Gina...yeah...no comments about her being 3.5 and still in diapers...she is very close to her brother Kenny and he is nowhere near being potty trained, so she feels/felt that she didn't want/need to use the toilet. Well, she went "number 2" on the potty twice already and is doing an awesome job! YAY!
Then, to top everything else off, I decided to help Kenny learn to put his shoes on....
Don't mind the sideways filming...I had no idea what I was doing.

The reason for this post is to let everyone know that I still feel like my life has been put on standstill and that I really don't have time for myself and what I REALLY want to do....but helping my kids...seeing how excited Gina is for going on the potty and especially Kenny with working on putting his shoe on....I am the proudest mommy ever. My reason for being here is this...and I was chosen to be a mommy to a special needs/chronically ill child for a reason. My days are filled with teaching, helping, medications, calming, lots of worrying and stress...its basically like taking care of a really sick & colically baby for 4.5 years,  but I just love my kids and my "job" until I can fulfill my dream of owning a headpiece/bridal store.

Just look at the look of pride and excitement on his face! I heart my miracle!

Trying new things thanks to Pinterest

With all the craziness that my mornings bring, from getting 7 kids up and ready for school...breaking up fights for the use of the bathroom, the tattling on eachother, the lost items that the kids can't find, but are sitting right in front of them. The crying and clinging of Kenny and his obsession of having to have his shoes on his feet the minute he wakes up...the breakfast making, the ironing, and the making sure each kid brushed their teeth, got all their papers, books and school stuff packed in their backpacks...I got a little crazy and creative this morning with the girls hair. All they wanted was for me to put it up in a ponytail...but because of MY obsession with the site Pinterest, I am trying to do one (or more) creative things that I find on Pinterest to do every day to get me out of my funk. So these are my creations I did this morning. Now, grant it, I didn't take my time on these like I guess I could have but honestly, I really didn't have any time to with everything I mentioned above going on. I think they turned out pretty good for my first time!
Today hairstyles...tomorrow...building my dream home! Tee hee

BTW...follow me and my boards on Pinterest...if you need an invitation, just send me a comment or e-mail and I'd be happy to invite you!

Letter to younger self:

To my younger self....there are going to be times when you get mad at life...school, family, friends, work...whatever...listen to what is actually being said. Listen to both sides...yours and theirs. Apologize when needed and forgive too.

Parents only want the best and care deeply for you. They will worry, get angry and push you...but that is because they love, care, and want the best for you. Remember, there is no instruction book when it comes to being a parent. Keep an open relationship with them because it really adds trust to the mix.
Your sisters are and will always be your best friends. Yes, many will move away, and you will be brokenhearted...but nothing can break sisters apart...even distance! Oh...and a little thing like Face book helps tons!

You will have just a few boyfriends in your life...they will come and they will go...but eventually, you will find someone who will be your perfect match. You will have everything in common...even though you weren't looking...he was right there in front of you...nothing at all of what you were used to going after...but let me tell you...he will/is perfect for you and you will have an amazing life together...good and bad times....but together you will trudge through them...and eventually the hard work and the struggles WILL pay off! Oh...and eventually...your old boyfriends...yeah...um...you will become friends with them again...which is really a nice thing.

You will lose quite a few people in your life to death...not only grandparents...but your brother...and unfortunately...your own son. You will be sad, hurt, angry, physically sick at times and your faith will be tested. Just remember that death is a part of living...no matter what age. Your brother will always be watching over you...every time you see a street light go out....that is him telling you it is all right. Your parents went through heartache but were strong...they had to be...for you and for the family. You will have to be just as strong. See, there is a reason why he passed away...so you can learn from your parents example that life goes on. It will hurt...so bad at times...even years and years later...but you will be alright. It is alright to mourn...if its even all your life...but don't forget to live.

You will have many kids...yes, that's right...even though you didn't want any...you fell in love with your soul mate and well...one after another...you loved being pregnant and loved having each and every one of your 8 children. Don't listen to what others say. You will hear many negatives about having so many kids...even from family....but ultimately, it is up to you and your husband (and God) as to how many kids you want or decide to have. Don't be afraid. It will get crowed, loud and you will lose your sense of you (and sanity every so often) but eventually...you will get that back.

You will give up everything for your kids and husband...you will think twice about this in the long run when times are tough...but promise me you wont give up...I'm still waiting to see if your dreams of a headpiece/bridal shop will ever work out...I'll get back to you on that one :/

You will be blessed with twins...but as I stated above, you will lose one early on after birth. You will have a very hard pregnancy and deliver at just 23 weeks exactly...to twin boys at 1 lb. 7 oz. They will be very fragile and very sick. You are going to gravitate to the one that looks weeker (he was much more underdeveloped)...but surprisingly, 2 days later...the stronger of the two will take a turn for the worse. Your worst fears will happen and you will hold your baby as he passes away. You will be able to feel his soul leave his body and go to heaven...You will be able to talk to him before hand and tell him how much you love and wanted him. Your brother WILL be waiting for him in Heaven...even though you question that at times in your life. You will have to bury him but you will visit him all the time...it will make you feel much better. You will also include him when people ask you how many children you have...so will your husband...because....thats how you both roll. :)

There will be many people that will surprise you following your sons death...someone will buy the plots...yes, 2 plots because no one is sure if your surviving son will survive. There will be very generous people helping you in every aspect of your life following his death. There will also be family and friends who don't quite know what to say to you...so they stay away and you will lose many friends and contacts...please don't let that bother you too much, its human nature. It will hurt, deeply...it will hurt that many people wont think of Nick as a baby...but more as a miscarried fetus..but you will have pictures, clothing and foot/hand prints to show them otherwise! You will find the courage to make a very touching and beautiful tribute to your twins...and may people will see it.

You will have a long, hard road with your surviving twin son who will spend 129 days in the NICU. Many of those days are filled with the possibility of him not making it...but please keep the faith...he has his twin angel watching over him...he will survive and he will come home.

The years following the whole NICU mess will be even crazier, so please...younger me, stay strong...this is where the hard part will take place.

There will be operations, medical equipment, procedures, doctor appts, therapies, tons of hospital stays, medications and even some pretty scary seizures. He will be developmentally really behind, have immune issues, will have severe hearing loss which will require him to wear heating aids. He will have feeding issues and you will have to retrain how you think in terms of trying to feed a child...dont be afraid of a small thing called a g-tube. The thought of it is scary and kinda gross, but you'll totally get used to it! He will also be diagnosed on the autism spectrum...again...by the time he gets this diagnosis, you'll already know. Please don't get so frustrated with his grunts and non-verbal babble...ok, and yelling...he's just a kid who's trying to communicate or let off some energy. He will need your 100% attention and at times, you will want to give up...ok...you will want to give up many times, but keep in mind at the fight and struggle he had to endure and will endure the rest of his life. You will feel sad that your son is not perfect. You will always worry about him passing away from one if his illnesses or from his chronic diseased lungs which didnt fully develop because he was so early...or from the cyst in his brain....the list goes on. You will then worry about your healthy kids and feel guilty about not giving then 100% of your time as well...rest assure, they will be fine. They will all be amazing adults with a great outlook on life. But because of all of what you've been through, you will have some post traumatic. I wont lie. It will get bad...really bad. The unknown is always the scariest...but please don't give up. Your kids...all of them are watching you...taking notes...planning out their own futures. Try not to get so angry or down at life...someone else always has it a little worse. Even after several miscarriages throughout your life...stay positive.

You will become a special needs mom and your husband will have a lot on his plate as well...with working to support the family and yet helping you with the kids. He is a good man...don't forget that.

Don't hold grudges towards people that tried to hurt you and your family...they "thought" that they were helping...when all they would of had to do was ask and talk to you both, rather than come to their own conclusions. Everyone has their own demons they are battling...so don't take it personally...they are only human...you will eventually prove them wrong anyhow....and then things will quiet down and move on. Younger self...its not worth holding anger towards others.

Younger self...there will be much that you will be doing because of what has happened in your life. It may not be what you expected or wanted...but helping others in the Hospice program, making a non-profit t-shirt program for micro preemies and kids with chronic illnesses, baking cupcakes, working with the March Of Dimes...and there will be more that the future holds for you. So please don't think that this all day, everyday stress of a special needs child is not making something out of you...other than tired and sad. Eventually things will fall into place...in its own way and time....just keep an open mind and a lot of love to give to others.

And finally, younger self...don't be scared....because I know you will be..as I am now.

IPad apps for kids...

To all my friends and readers:  I've had such a hard time finding good quality apps for Kenny (and the rest of the kids) to use and play with...that is...until Kenny's wonderful teacher told me about Free Friday App Day. Every Friday there are some site that share free apps...but only on Fridays! I couldn't get over all the wonderful and actually really good apps for the kids for the iPad or the iPod touch! I want to share this with you all so here are a few of the links...which have even more links inside them! Enjoy and Happy Friday!

http://iheartthisapp.com/price-drops-for-apps-for-kids/

http://momswithapps.com/

http://iheartthisapp.com/get-great-paid-apps-for-free/

Life stresses

Yesterday started off bad and just kept getting worst....eh...let me backtrack a little...this whole past week & weekend were pretty bad. Personal stuff and the stupid stomach virus that got 4 of the kids. Then you get the kids fighting between themselves, not helping around the house, me not feeling great...and Kenny needing 110% attention. It doesn't make or a very happy me.
As you know, we were trying to get EM:HE to come to our house...and we were thisclose to it happening, and we already know what the outcome was. We also now know that the show was cancelled, so that big pipe dream (that almost happened) is no longer...which is no big deal, it just means that we will do it on our own. It made us that much stronger, in that aspect. Fast forward to a few days ago when I saw an ad for county funded money to help fix problems within the house of small kids or a house where there is a child with disabilities. Ding! A lightbulb went off and I contacted them. We are having them come out today to see what needs repair in the house. I am praying they can help us. It would help us out so much!
The other stressor in the life if Michele is the fact that we are going to be going to Kennys school this morning for a meeting with his teachers for kindergarten readiness. It finally is hitting me hard that my son had disabilities and delays and that he is almost 5 and not at all ready for kindergarten. It makes me sad in one aspect, but proud of how far he's come. I mean every mother wants their child to be just fine...go to kindergarten, make friends, and just be normal. The reality is sinking in as he is getting older, that he is not a normal kid, and it breaks my heart. Everyone can say comments like,"he's so smart...it's just gonna take some time" or "at least he survived" (which is true) but sometimes I just cry at the fact that instead of talking or telling me what he wants, needs, or feel, he makes "ah" sounds and babbled or yells, making no words just sounds. He doesn't know how to talk let alone his address, he doesn't know how to hold a pencil, doesnt know how to use utensils, he is still in diapers (but on a good note with that...he kinda let's me know when he peed or pooped by holding his bum with his mouth opened really wide...so it's a start). It just has really hit me like a ton of bricks that my son, whom I prayed over, taken care of, play with to help him learn and spend 110% of my time with, is not ready for that next big step...kindergarten. I have turned this around on me and I feel that I failed as a mother for not doing enough for my son. I know that that is stupid thinking, but being a mom IS my job. I gave up a career that I loved to raise my kids...and now...between the kids fighting constantly and Kenny...I have a slight feeling of failure.
Well off to to the meeting. I'll post how it turned out when I get back.

Ba-freaking-humbug..:(

‎6:55... I'm done going to bed an wishing this day...no, this holiday season...no, the whole freaking year would end rather quickly. Screw making cookies. Sucks because i loved Christmas time and now too down to even care.
Always stuck at home, only to go to dr. Appts, therapies...etc. I know this is the life god chose for me...but geeze...it kinda blows! I have PTSD from the death of my child and the ups and downs of Kenny's health struggles....I don't get to hang out with friends...ever, and I really want my life back...you know, making T-shirts for micro preemies, making headpieces/jewelry, drawing...I lost it all. Has nothing to do with how many kids we have...it's about being a caregiver to a sick child with so many different needs...from Autism to feeding issues to giving him his Meds.. My life right now is his life. I love him and all my children with all my heart and soul....and would and have given up everything for them...but I'm just bummed. I wish I had my twins here. I honestly miss my nick so much. It wasn't fair that god called him back so soon. I wanted him and never had the chance to be his mom! This is the first year that I didn't put up my angel tree...not that I didn't want too...but as I was getting all the ornaments from the container...all the angels were broken. So was my heart.
I know this post is a Debbie downer, but I have always written what I feel.

Hen a huge shout out (NOT) to Toys For Tots. just have to say...the system sucks!!! There are tons of people abusing it when there are true people in need!
Something is just not right when people standing in line to get a few toys for kids, who are supposedly too poor to buy their own, pull out iPhone, etc. The conversations that were heard were about how this one woman was getting gifts for her 10 grandchildren (whom doesn't even live with her), another guy was on his phone getting SSN from whoever and writing them down...as he was telling the person on the other end that he was going to get these toys so he could sell them!!!! This has got to change! Oh...and these people were every year regulars! They know exactly what to do...even brought big garbage bags to put the toys in!!!! shouldn't there be a limit? Shouldn't they look at the documents of income, birth certs, proof of residence...etc like they ask you to bring? I don't think I can ever get myself to donate to anything like this ever again...ba-humbug! It has really ruined my outlook on things! I tried calling the head of the organization AND the news stations but no one cares. It's another reason why I have lost my holiday cheer!

Gingerbread house building 101

Kenny's class had their annual Gingerbread House Party where the kids and their parents make gingerbread houses together. It was a great opportunity to get the parents and kids together for the holidays and also great to show us the skills they have learned...opening wrappers, frosting and pressing...what a genius his teacher is! Thank you Mrs. Schneider for another wonderful class/family day! We missed it last year because Kenny was in the hospital, so this year was even more special!

Daddy putting Kenny's hearing aids in... Gina showing Kenny's teacher that she is soooo ready for preschool...maybe even kindergarten with her frosting spreading skills...
The houses are finally taking shape! Kenny was a little preoccupied by everything other than the gingerbread house haha....

Time to put the candy and decorations on the houses!

Kenny really liked the taste of the windows...er...uh...I mean...pretzels...

Showing off the finished houses! True masterpieces!

Mommy's and Gina's house...

Daddy's and Kenny's house...

They turned out rather cute for first timers on gingerbread house building.

Photo Card

Faith Love Family Religious

Shutterfly cards for Mother's Day, Valentines Day, Birthdays & more.

View the entire collection of cards.

An angelversary poem

It's been so long since we saw you last...
It makes it so hard to think back to the past.

The family is not the same since you went away
We were lost, sad and helpless on that angel day.

Even after this length of time has gone by...
It still brings me to tears and I start to cry.

Oh what would you look like, where would you be...
If you were still here for all of us to see.

I think of you always, and I hope that you know...
Life here without you for surely can blow.

I know your an angel with halo and wings...
With family and friends, and know many things.

There's one thing that I want you to know today..
I will alway love you, miss you and wish you could have stayed.


Happy angelversary to my brother John.

Update from Kennys PICU/hospital stay...*sigh*

Wish I could sleep. I'm at home now from a very long and scary day with Kenny. After many breathing treatments and being on oxygen, his was pulse oxing in the low 90's all day...on top of wheezing. They even tried a vent vest (a vest that is uses to break up mucus in the lungs) because his lungs are just not getting better. I've got a couple sick kids here, laundry and dishes. When I left the hospital, I had to pry a sleeping angel from my arm that he was hugging. He was pulse ox-ing at 87 so the nurse had to up his oxygen even more... I called to see if Kenny's stats went up after I left and...well...he just got done puking...everything...everywhere. So he didn't like the bath he got from his nurse and they are giving him zofran and pepcid and holding off on his feeds for a few hours....if this doesn't work, I'm afraid that tomorrow will be an iv and another chest x-ray. Pleeeease keep him in your prayers. I'm so worried about him on top of feeling helpless and neglectful to the other kids(because of being at the hospital all day with Kenny). Also say a little prayer that I can get through all of this. I am so afraid of losing my little guy. Being a grown up sucks.

D@mn extreme prematurity!

I thought we were out of the woods, I mean...four and a half years later, I thought we wouldn't have to worry about too much...boy was I wrong! I do know that when a preemie gets sick, it happens hard and fast, so Monday when he was up all night long wheezing and had a fever, I knew he had to get to the hospital. We get there and the "doctor" that took care of Kenny heard he was wheezing...his pulse ox was 93 as well so they gave him a breathing treatment, still wheezing...and sent him home with prescriptions that couldn't be filled because of something written wrong on them. Fast forward to yesterday morning when he woke up and just looked very sickly. After me being up all night with breathing treatments and Tylenol/Motrin to keep his fever away...as not to cause a seizure...the wheeze was still there. I called and they got him right in for a chest x-ray and office visit. In the office, he was pulse ox-ing the very low 90's...when the doctor listened to his lungs, he wasn't moving any air at all. At that time, they ordered back to back to back albuterol treatments...7 total and he was still stating very low and having a hard time breathing. They decided to admit him to the pediatric intensive care unit where they can keep a better eye on his lungs. He, at that point, was put on 2 liters of oxygen...and he was STILL pulse ox-ing in the low to mid 90's. The flood of memories and emotions hit me like a tsunami....to.much.to.take.in. Why? After all of the struggles he has been through...why does he have to battle massive lung issues that could kill him. I lost nick to bad lungs and I really thought we were out of the woods with Kenny...but I guess this will always be an issue.
Today he has been sleeping, much more than yesterday...and I am sitting here so mad at the fact that the doctors on Monday, didn't listen to me...his mom...who knows her son. And also mad at prematurity!
It has robbed me of my twins, it has robbed my Kenny of a normal childhood and it has robbed my emotional state and way of looking at life.
Please keep the prayers coming..he is not out of the woods.

Tales of a pre-lit nightmare!

ACK! Yes, I did just say, "ack"! This time of year is my all time favorite. From Halloween to New Years Day, I love every bit of the holiday season. I started off this season way back in October, listening to Christmas music and burning fall candles...and now...more Christmas music (its easier to find now), cinnamon and holly scented candles, lights, lights and more lights...and decorating the house for Christmas...Cue the music....dun dun dun...

A few years back, we bought a pre-lit Christmas tree. It was perfect in the store. It looked so real...it was full, had tons of beautiful white lights on it and it even had the pine cones to make it look even more real. It was love at first sight. I mean...how much better could it be? I would never again have to string lights on a tree. It was all done so I could spend more time with other, more important things....it was perfect for us.

That is...until the following year when the whole middle section of lights went out. I called the place I got the tree from, and after a long day of fighting on the phone, I ended up having them replace the tree for me. Score 1 for Michele!

That is....until the following year....

Yes, last year was another headache from heck with the tree. Again, there was a whole section of lights out. Somehow, I got it working...and the areas that I couldn't get lit, I added my own lights. It was more hassle than I bargained for. Who has time to mess with burned out lights or fuses when you have 7 kids...especially one who has special needs...not me.

So then we come to this year...Like years past, I get so excited to put the tree up that I made Tony drag up the monster of a box, that looked like its been through war after war....it was a pain, but a good pain. As we were struggling with the box on the basement steps, we noticed that it didn't escape the mold and mildew that took over our basement from the long wet spring and summer we had. It stunk so bad that we had to unload the tree from the box right on the steps. I thought to myself that it was going to be alright...praying all the while that the smell didn't get to the tree itself. So we finally got the last of the tree into the living room where I was going to perform my Christmas magic on it....it was going to be easy this year.

As I got the first layer up I was getting excited that maybe his year...just maybe...the tree would go up without a hitch...

First layer, up. Now for layer number 2. Put it on top of the first layer...plugged it in...aaaand...all but one section lit. OK...looking at the problem....the bulbs were all burnt out. So off to the specialty store where I bought the tree from...because, of course you can only use THEIR replacement bulbs in THEIR trees. When it was said and done, we spent $30 on bulbs. Because of the stress from the kids screaming and the stupid tree, I had one heck of a headache by the time we left the store. So putting the rest of the tree up would have to wait overnight til Saturday so I had time to get rid of the headache that was taking over my brain.

Saturday morning came and I was feeling much better. Nothing better than a good nights sleep to clear the mind! I started right away with the exchange of bad bulbs to good on the strand that was darkening my Christmas spirit! With each bulb change, my outlook started to grow bleaker...it wasn't going on! Finally, the last new bulb in place and still nothing! GRRRR! OK...think, think....maybe the fuse was blown. So I put new fuses in...and still nothing. I got so upset that I took scissors to that one line of lights, I mean, It was only three branches and did have an extra strand of white lights from last year that I never used on the garlands for the outside. It would work...I was going to make it work! Took some time unraveling the branches, but I did it...and it looked good with the new lights on. Finally! I can start to get excited again. I reached down and grabbed the third layer of the tree, placed it on the restrung layer, and plugged it in.

NOTHING!

At this point, I just walked away from the whole mess. I didn't want to do something that I would regret one day. Then, after looking around and listening to all the chaos that was my home (the kids fighting, Kenny screaming, toys thrown everywhere, pillows and blankets from the kids sleepover on the couch and floor), I took matters into my own hands...

The scissors came out once more and I made a phone call to Tony (hoping he'd talk me out of the irrational move I was about to make)....the phone call went something like this: Me: Hi ,Tony. The lights don't work and I'm cutting all of them out of the whole tree. OK. Love you. Bye!

And the stress relief was in progress! I cut, and unraveled...unraveled and cut. And finally....on Sunday morning, It was done!

Never EVER buy a pre-lit tree...ever! What a waste of time, but I do feel wonderful for taking matters into my own hands. I may just have to give the store their lights back in a garbage bag with a note that thanks them for showing me that buying a pre-lit tree and spending a lot of money on a tree (that is supposed to last years and years)...isn't worth it! They suck you into thinking that pre-lit is the way to go...yeah...down the toilet!

Think of this as a small public service announcement ;)

Now to get to the store and buy colored lights and twinkle ones for a multi-colored tree this year! Oh, and the moldy/mildew smell? Yes, the tree is a little stinky, but nothing that ScentSicles won't take care of.

I have so much to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

Prematurity Awareness and what it is all about...

This month is all about Prematurity Awareness and today is World Prematurity Awareness Day...
I could write a book about what this is all about...

Prematurity is all about being cheated out of a full 40 weeks of pregnancy...you know, the part of the pregnancy where women complain about...yeah...thats the part prematurity skips...I always wanted to be that pregnant woman complaining of her swollen cankles, her sore back, hips, etc...

Most of my babies came at 34 weeks...the longest I ever got to was 36 weeks...still early, but not as early as my twins whom I was cheated out of just about half my pregnancy. Pretty much the whole third trimester (with a little bit of second trimester)...17 weeks early. I missed out on everything except to feel the two of them moving around in me. Prematurity robs a mommy to be of her special time and its a very hard thing to take in.

Prematurity is about having your baby early, not being able to hold your baby right away...sometimes even for weeks.

...Its about being thrown into the whole NICU experience, be it either for feeding and heating issues or more, much more serious issues that mean life or death.

...Its about leaving the hospital without your baby...worried, scared and sad.

...Its about putting your baby's life in the care of the team of doctors and nurses in the NICU.

...Its about praying to God you don't get THAT call from the hospital to come right away because...well...they don't want to worry you...they'll tell you when you get there. Worry, pray, cry, worry, pray, cry....

...Its about finally being able to take your baby home, but not without infant CPR classes and car seat checks to make sure your little one can handle sitting in a car seat without change in oxygen sats or heart rate drops.

...Its all about learning how to use home health care equipment...apnea monitors, pulse ox monitors....when the alarms go off...what do you do? Worry, pray, check to make sure its nothing...then, go cry into your pillow.

Its about medications, doctor visits, therapies, feeding issues, hospital stays, RSV, being on house arrest from October to April for fear of your preemie getting sick.

Its about delays in development, hearing loss in some, eye problems in others.

Its about looking to the future but not being able to because of the fear that grips you at the thought of it.

And finally...

Its about many times, not bringing home that baby that you carried, had big dreams for, prayed over, cried over...loved.



Part one of my twin pregnancy video



Part two of my twin pregnancy video
*******************************************
Premature infant
A premature infant is a baby born before 37 weeks gestation.
Causes
At birth, a baby is classified as one of the following:
Premature (less than 37 weeks gestation)
Full term (37 to 42 weeks gestation)
Post term (born after 42 weeks gestation)
If a woman goes into labor before 37 weeks, it is called preterm labor.
Often, the cause of preterm labor is unknown.
Multiple pregnancy (twins, triplets, etc.) makes up about 15% of all premature births.
Health conditions and events in the mother may contribute to preterm labor.
Examples are:
Diabetes
Heart disease
Infection (such as a urinary tract infection or infection of the amniotic membrane)
Kidney disease
Different pregnancy-related problems increase the risk of preterm labor:
An "insufficient" or weakened cervix, also called cervical incompetence
Birth defects of the uterus (which is what I have)
History of preterm delivery
Poor nutrition right before or during pregnancy
Preeclampsia -- the development of high blood pressure and protein in the urine after the 20th week of pregnancy
Premature rupture of the membranes (placenta previa)
Other factors that make preterm labor and a premature delivery more likely include:
African-American ethnicity (not related to socioeconomic status)
Age (younger than 16 or older than 35)
Lack of prenatal care
Low socioeconomic status
Use of tobacco, cocaine, or amphetamines

A premature infant's organs are not fully developed.
The infant needs special care in a nursery until the organ systems have developed enough to sustain life without medical support. This may take weeks to months.
A premature infant will have a lower birth weight than a full-term infant. Common physical signs of prematurity include:
Body hair (lanugo)
Abnormal breathing patterns (shallow, irregular pauses in breathing called apnea)
Problems breathing due to immature lungs (neonatal respiratory distress syndrome) or pneumonia
Lower muscle tone and less activity than full-term infants
Problems feeding due to difficulty sucking or coordinating swallowing and breathing
Less body fat
Soft, flexible ear cartilage
Thin, smooth, shiny skin, which is often transparent (can see veins under skin)
Not all premature babies will have these characteristics.

If the infant has breathing problems:
A tube may be placed into the windpipe (trachea). A machine called a ventilator will help the baby breathe.
Some babies whose breathing problems are less severe receive continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) with small tubes in the nose rather than the trachea. Or they may receive only extra oxygen.
Oxygen may be given by ventilator, CPAP, nasal prongs, or an oxygen hood over the baby's head.
Nursery care is needed until the infant is able to breathe without extra support, feed by mouth, and maintain body temperature and a stable or increasing body weight. In very small infants, other problems may complicate treatment and a longer hospital stay may be needed.

Possible complications that may occur while in the hospital include:
Anemia
Bleeding into the brain (intraventricular hemorrhage of the newborn) or damage to the brain's white matter (periventricular leukomalacia)
Infection or neonatal sepsis
Low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
Neonatal respiratory distress syndrome, extra air in the tissue of the lungs (pulmonary interstitial emphysema), bleeding in the lungs (pulmonary hemorrhage)...this is what took our Nick to Heaven.
Newborn jaundice
Patent ducturs arteriosus this is what Kenny had to have surgery on when he was 7 days old.
Severe intestinal inflammation (necrotizing enterocolitis)
Possible long-time complications include:
Bronchopulmonary dysplasia (BPD)
Delayed growth and development
Mental or physical disability or delay
Retinopathy of prematurity, vision loss, or blindness

Prevention
One of the most important steps to preventing prematurity is to receive prenatal care as early as possible in the pregnancy, and to continue such care until the baby is born. Statistics clearly show that early and good prenatal care reduces the chance of premature birth.
Premature labor can sometimes be treated or delayed by a medication that blocks uterine contractions. Many times, however, attempts to delay premature labor are not successful.
Betamethasone (a steroid medication) given to mothers in premature labor can reduce the severity of some of the prematurity complications on the baby.

U.S.S Kenny

(Ultra Super Special )

Last week was picture day for Kenny at his special needs preschool. It's been a very emotional day for me. At one side, I am so excited that he is healthy enough to be at school to be getting his picture taken..actually...I should say, am extremely blessed that he is here at all...at 4 years old, in a special school and getting his very first school picture taken.
And on the other end, I am so sad at the fact that...again...another first that his twin, Nick won't be experiencing. I guess this life of being a bereaved mother with a surviving twin will always be a bittersweet one.
Because of this, I made a pin for Kenny to wear on his shirt. It's an angel pin with a very tiny prematurity awareness ribbon dangling from it.

I sometimes think that it's not fair that I try to keep nicks memory alive through Kenny, but it's how I am dealing with this and Nick will always be Kenny's Twin....
On another note, Kenny got his new hearing aids...YAY!!!! They are different than the last ones he had, lost and broke (haha). They are made so the teacher can just talk into a microphone and he will be able to hear it where ever he is and whatever he is doing...rather than having to sit right next to an FM speaker. He was denied several times from Medicaid but with the help from all of his doctors, specialists, teachers and us...we finally got them!
Kenny's health has been so-so, (knocking on wood) he hasn't been THAT sick to end up in the hospital...just the typical coughing and runny nose.
We got his report card today...he has really excelled in school! He is really working on trying to meet all of his goals from his IEP. He is starting to play with other kids, vocalizing more (not words...just a lot of sounds...but we'll take it!), just all around really starting to act more of a 3 year old! I'm so very proud of him!

On another note...I had to put my Milestones For Miracles on hold last month and part of this month due to personal reasons. I am sorry if I didnt get some shirts out to those that needed them...I promise to make it up to you all. Its just that I had some pretty bad luck (things happen) lately and I had to put things on hold. I WILL be starting up again this weekend...I PROMISE!

Crazy, crazy last couple of weeks...part one

How proud can a mom be? Very. Watching your oldest daughter and her cheer squad compete...so completely proud! They did a great job...didn't win, but did an awesome job anyhow!

The day started at 5 in the morning....oh wait...let me back track a little....


It was the start to the very busy weekend ahead, Kenny's PTU Halloween family fun night. Thursday was Kenny's Halloween party, and Friday was the day to start my 300+ cupcakes for our churches Spaghetti dinner. During the day, I dealt with a very crabby Kenny, a day out of shopping for cupcake stuff and then picked the kids up from school, did a few more errands and then started the cupcakes. I got 13 dozen cupcakes made (6 dozen red velvet and 7 dozen apple/banana...by scratch). I was working on the chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes when the apple/bananas were done. I grabbed them out of the oven, and closed the oven door. All of a sudden the entire top (control panel) of the oven/stove sparked...A LOT...and burned all the dials and wiring! DEAD...yep...it freakin exploded. So...what was I to do? After crying I laughed at what else could go wrong? I mean....its been one thing after another...It has been almost comical!

I can rule out a big glass of wine because of the heartburn it has caused me in the past. Maybe a long trip off of a short bridge....eh...too many people counting on me and would miss the maid work...haha. So I just had to say screw it. screw the broken oven, the electrical in the house that makes every light bulb blow every week, the broken doors, small apartment sized refrigerator, the ants, the water seeping in the basement, the cement blockade that I hit with my van, and the screaming/crying fits from a beautiful little boy who cant help it and from my other kids who can. Screw the giving up my life as an artist, wanting to be a bridal/headpiece boutique owner, wanting to,, for once be a "high maintenance" type of person.....

...I'm just gonna remember that my life has a path of its own. I've tried and tried and tried...its almost like George Bailey in Its a Wonderful Life...you have a whole life planned out and it went completely in a different direction.

S0 after my small pity party, I went to bed to only wake up every 2 hours to Kenny. Knowing that we had to be out of the house at 7 for Taylor's cheer comp. in Akron.

The morning went with the usual fighting (waking a bunch of kids up a 6 is never a good thing). Oh...and by the way, I now know why we need more than one and a half bathrooms in the house. Taylor's hair was in a perfect high ponytail and she looked like the perfect cheerleader...while we were all dressed in the school colors to cheer them on! Finally, we all piled in the car...while some of the kids were still fighting...and headed out.
Getting there at just the right time...not too early and not late at all...yes, that was an amazing feat for us, we're always late!
There were a sea of different cheerleading outfits (girls included) walking around and practicing for the competition...now mind you, this is a middle school catholic cheer competition...no booty shaking and not a whole lot of acrobats.
The girls did a great job, they were all in sync and worked hard to perfect their cheer/dance. What was really surprising is that the football team was there to cheer on their cheerleaders...
What a great time we all had. The girls didn't win, but they won because they were amazing to us and to themselves! We'll get 'em next year!

Here is the link to the Video I made of the cheer:
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DjTmdO_WlobA%26feature%3Dshare&h=1AQGZ1Wn_

Artwork from Sydnie...

Sydnie made this for all Souls Day at school...Sydnie is looking up at Nick in the sky (as an angel). She made wings on the "N" and a halo over it. All her idea. Brought tears to my eyes.

I love my kids so much and wish they never had to experience the death of their brother.

Fever or the real thing?????

Mommy, I see guys in our room...don't you see them? They're right over there (pointing by the bedroom door). As the night went on, she still was waking me up to tell me that these guys were scaring her. Feeling her head, I knew she was delirious with fever so I took her out of her crib (which is in our room), and took her downstairs to get her some Motrin for the fever. I brought her back in bed with us...so now in our king size bed, we have Kenny at the far right, my husband, Gina and myself with just about 3 inches of bed before I hit the floor.
By now it was 4 in the morning and I have been up for 2and a half hours trying to convince my 3 year old (and myself) that there was no ghosts in our room let alone, in our house!
As she was laying next to me, she pointing towards the door of the room insisting that someone was standing there. I told her to tell the ghost to go away...so she was yelling at it to go...then I pulled the blanket up closer to us with the iPad on for a night light (playing soothing Christmas music). It seemed to be working...she dosed off for about 4 minutes...then I see her stating at me...well...past me. She said, mommy....the guy is right next to you, don't you see him? He's right there. Ok...at this point, I am freaking the heck out! I pulled the blanket up over both of our heads and was trying tho wake my snoring husband up from his deep sleep...which he so badly deserved after working all hours of the day and night.
So we both finally fell asleep...it was probably from lack of oxygen due to the blanket covering our heads...haha...
Morning came, and she woke up taking about the people she saw in our room. Taylor nonchalantly was asking her very general questions, as to not put ideas or words in her head....questions like....How many are there? (answer: 3). How old are they...are they like my age(12), mommys age or grant as age? Her answer....a guy mommy's age, Kenny and a little girl with brown hair. Hmmmm.... Now I have to wonder....is the one that she says was Kenny...was it Nick? I guess if you believe in this kind of stuff, then it is very interesting...especially wit hthe odd things that have been happening around here lately. But, if you don't believe, then I guess you could chalk it up to being delirious with fever or something real logical. I'm not sure what believe...all I know is that she was very sure and positive that there were people in our room...and it wasn't us. To top the whole thing off...this was the second time in 3 days that she has freaked out about these people in our room...and coincidently, the last episode happened in 11-1-11 (all Saints Day). I am a very strong believer in the powers and meanings of 11:11. 11-1-11, or anytimhpg that. Eeeeeeek!

Everyday is something new yet constantly the same

It's giving the same feeds and meds...
Trying to feed the same foods, the same way.
It's the hoping that this day will be THE day that you finally get the whole eating thing.

It's praying that he cough Kenny has doesn't land him in the hospital...even 4 years later (after his early birth)
It's the loving him, that beautiful smile...the knowing what he's been through and wishing nothing but great things for him.
It's knowing that his life will be a struggle harder than some but a little easier than others.
It's the battle of wanting to have a life outside of just being a caregiver mommy but knowing that it's impossible. And honestly, It is a hard pill to swallow at times, but OK at others.

It's getting the dirty looks in stores, restaurants and wherever else we go as a family because people just don't understand the loud screams and tantrums of a child with autism and hearing loss.
It's the nonstop day (and night) that I face...no breaks, no respite and unable to quite understand what my child wants and needs.

The newness is when he comes home from school with a new art project the teachers helped him with, a new sign that he uses at times when he really wants something, or even this past trick or treating when he ran from house to house opening his bag for candy...then doing the sign for "more". He'll never even eat the stuff, but for him, the fun of it all was going door to door!
It's the feeling if praying that the cold he gets doesn't turn into something even more. Holding my breath at every cough, breathing treatment and fever.
It's also the feeling if trying to juggle 6 other kids with their wants and needs. Helping with homework, breaking up fights between a few, trying to them to help out but knowing very well that they won't. The laundry, meals, dishes, picking things up....yep, all on me. They have totally used my weakness of having to take care of, and watch Kenny 24/7 to their advantage!
I'm living a nightmare whom not many would want. but many feel that I brought it on myself for having so many kids...well...here's to those that say/think that...

My husband and I decided to have a big family...every child very welcomed. The fact that we have a special needs child was something that we were no expecting but are doing lour best taking care of him (and the rest of the kids). Its not what many people experience in their lifetime....having tons of kids, losing a child and having a child with many extra medical and special needs.

So onto the bad luck we've been having...ha ha...

The oven blew up On Friday night while in the process of making cupcakes for the church...so no stove. My daughter Gina is seeing dead people in our room at night...how awkward esp. On 11-1-11, we have several birds living in our, and the electrical throughout the house is slowly....whats the word...dying.

I am very blessed to have an amazing husband who is my best friend. He is a very hard worker and loves spending time with the kids. Now if we could just find a date night (OK...make it a weekend), it would be awesome!

Its been one heck of a few months in which I really need(ed) to regroup and come to realize that sometimes dreams don't come true and that if you want something badly...sometimes you just cant get it...So basically, I'm drained and honestly have no fight left. Ive been through way more than I ever thought of and can't really handle much more. Ok stepping off the pity party podium.
Btw....thanks again EM:HE for helping us, it was so worth it...haahaa! I just need to rest my mind and soul and self.
Sometimes I miss my old life, but love my new life even though I sit and complain (again...this is why I write this blog...to write out all my feelings...positive & negative).

Halloween party at preschool

Thursday marked the day of Kenny's school Halloween party. We skimped out on costumes this year, just because the money situation hasn't been the greatest...so luckily I found these cute glow in the dark skeleton PJ's for Kenny AND Gina! Perfect for a school party!
Gina jumped right in and was part of Kenny's class, enjoying snack time with her big brother and his friends & teachers...

Then it was time for trick or treating throughout the school...and following that...the class picture *yes, Gina was in the picture too.

In his classroom, I noticed these cute little bats that the kids made...

And this fun sensory/therapy pumpkin. It was teaching the kids with special needs to hammer the golf t's in the hallowed out pumpkin...

After all the class time and trick or treating, it was gym time. Kenny loves to go down the slide.

Here...his teacher was helping him on the obstacle beam...

Gina showing off to everyone that she could balance rather well...and look cute doing it!

I HAD to get a picture of my two skeletons. I just love these two! They had more fun!!!!