Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Almost a diagnosis

Today has been one of those days that have been very emotional for me. With Kenny and Nicks birthday quickly approaching, my daughters communion (on the same day), the stresses of every day life with a small house full of kids, and finally going to Comp Care today for Kenny. I am almost at my wits end. You know, as a mom, you can fix a cold, a broken heart, a boo boo...but when it comes to some of the diagnosis' that they are thinking that Kenny has, I cant fix it. I am only human. I WANT to make Kenny all better, but I cant. It makes for a very sad and drained mommy who feels inadequate right now. I want Kenny to have a normal life...be a teenager, go to dances, dates, girlfriends, college, great job and wife and kids eventually...but I just don't know if that will happen.
Kenny was "unofficially, officially" diagnosed with Autism and Cerebral Palsy. He has that, and then the whole chronic lung disease, hearing loss, speech delay, feeding issues (throws up with anything solid or lumpy), unable to walk (but the doctor did tell me that he feels he will eventually walk...its just gonna take a long time), and acid reflux...not to mention, we have to get his eyes re-examined soon. I am at a loss for words. I can just imagine what Nick would have been like if he were to have survived...Kenny didn't have any brain bleeds but had MANY infections and other problems....I I just feel horrible that Nick would probably have been a vegetable. DARN life. I am trying to see why this is happening...I just want some good news for Kenny for once...I really want something specially good happen to him...
What is life going to have in store for Kenny? I guess only God knows. I am going to do my best to help him....but I feel myself backing away emotionally from him, I don't want too, but m y defense mechanism has just kicked in...I just love him soo much and I just want him to be alright. I don't want to lose another baby. It's a very scary feeling.
We put Kenny in his walker, but there is barely any room for him to move around! I hope this Toddler program will help him...again, feeling bad that I cant do it all for him.
Ok...now that I have totally wrote out my feeling for today, I am going to take a long hot bath and soak my worries away.


switalskikathy said...

Hi Michelle, It's Kathy from Kmart, Just wanted to let you know that we are really talking to lots of people to sign on and sign your petition for the home makeover. We even have the higher ups trying to help. I have a feeling you will have all your signatures needed in the next couple of weeks or sooner!Just hang in there better days are coming! Love, Kathy

John and Jenna Gensic said...

I am so sorry to hear your continued frustrations with Kenny's conditions. I have a brother on the Autism spectrum and shared my parents' frustration with coping with his diagnosis and everyday life tasks. We are praying for you guys and I hope we will soon begin to hear some good news.

When I got bogged down with Mikan's condition and increasingly "bad news" at the NICU my dad told me, "We've all just got to remember, no matter what, Mikan is perfect in God's eyes." That helped me out a lot. Kenny is perfect in God's eyes. But I will still pray for some good news soon.


Tim said...


We are continuing to pray for Kenny's health. I know that God does have a plan for Kenny just as he did for Nick.

I need to know if it would be ok to post a prayer request for Kenny and your family at The Fort. I would like to do so if its ok with you. I just need you permission to use info from your blog, and also the most current pic you have of him if you can.

Love and Prayers,


J9 said...

i was just talking to my mom today about Miracle Kenny and what a smiley boy he is. You know, when i talk about him to others, i always have to mention that big smile of his. It just warms my heart.

Quadmama said...

Life is never simple, especially when it comes to our children. The fact that the doctor says he thinks Kenny will walk is a good thing. It may take some time but when it happens it will make all this other stuff worth it. One of my daughters has a mild form of CP and when she jumped for the first time this week I started crying. Things will happen at a slower pace for her, but they are happening. I hope the hot bath helped you relax a bit.