Friday, April 17, 2009

Coughing and March for Babies!!!!

It's been a week from Heck! Kenny has not stopped coughing...he's been getting around the clock breathing treatments...which means lack-o-sleep from Tony and myself. I had him at the doctors office a few times last week and this week because I am getting paranoid about his cough and fever. It's really taking a toll on me. Emotionally I am a mess. Kenny is very sick, there is nothing I can do for him except try to keep him comfortable with breathing treatments and hugs. How much more can my little guy handle. His lungs are so bad. He was supposed to start school on Thursday, and he cant even do that.

I just want to know, are their any other micro preemie parents that are going through this? The doctors all told me that his lungs will get better as he gets older....but it seems like it is just getting worse! Not to mention, Gina (who is a 36 week-er) has bad asthma (brought on by RSV) as well...breathing treatments and everything!
We have tore out the carpeting, got rid of the dogs, I clean, clean, clean constantly...but there is only so much I can do. I cant replace the rotted wood on the outside of the house, I cant replace the broken windows with the mold in them, I cant get rid of these ants that every year infest my house...I cant replace out furnace to put in something that would be more healthy for the kids...I cant but the kids in their own keep germs's just not going to happen. The Economy is kicking our butts, family who don't feel that we should have so many kids and their own opinion on OUR life, is very upsetting, especially since we have done nothing wrong to anyone! We have been trying to get this video made for Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but because of Kenny being sick all the time, we just cant find the right time to do it....let alone find someone to do it for us (we don't own a digital video camera).

We do what we can do. Yes, I'd love to have a bigger home, new clothes for my kids and ourselves, new....well...everything....but honestly...does that really matter in this lifetime? We teach our kids right from wrong, show them love, have as much fun as we can with them, and still have to take care of a chronically ill/disabled child. It is very emotionally, physically and mentally hard.

Please God, help our family out. The Birthday of Kenny and Nick is fast should be a very happy time for is...yet I am still feeling the guilt of not being able to keep them in for just a little longer. Maybe Nick would have lived, maybe Kenny wouldn't have any problems. I am trying to sit here and wonder what on earth did my husband and I do wrong in life to have such stress on us (emotional, financial, medical...just everything)...while other people have it so easy. I am still trying to find the meaning of all of this. I miss my Nick with all my heart...I shed tears every time I think of him. I am thankful for the memory of being able to hold him, kiss him, smell him and talk to him....but I am being selfish and wish he was here...growing up with his twin brother and playing with his sisters and brothers.
We are working on our shirt for Sunday's walk for The March Of Dimes....The front of the shirt is going to look like this..
If any one would like to donate to Team Tomecko for the March of Dimes....the link is:

We are really looking forward to this weekend! Thank you everyone who is supporting us..


Quadmama said...

Michele I wish I could come give you a big hug right now. I know this may not help, but please don't blame yourself. Easier said than done, I know because every time one of my daughters has a medical issue I wonder if it would have still been a problem if I had carried them past 28 weeks. Embrace the love you are surrounded by and know that your "cyber friends" are always here for you.

sandra neal said...

i too had premature twins. your story touched my heart in ways that it hasn't been touched since i experienced the premature birth, of my beautiful twin girls. i also on sunday will be walking for all the premature babies of the world. as i walk i will hold nick, and kenny near and dear to my heart. god bless.

sandra neal