Monday, February 1, 2010

Another hospital stay

I know that I have been far and few in-between on posting...but we seem to have a sickness in this house that Germ-X wont even keep away. Kenny was back at the hospital a few days ago with coughing, fever, and sleeping all day...not a good combo. They did a chest x-ray and found something but wasn't sure if it was pneumonia or not...yeah...I know...what kind of doctors cant figure the stupid x-ray out...ANYHOW....they hydrated him with fluids, gave him antibiotics (just to be sure), sent him home on his usual...Pulmicort, Prednisolone and Albuterol...and to call his primary doctor on Monday...which we did. In the meantime, Gina is sick, Taylor, Sydnie and Kayleigh are all sick too! Oh wait...add me to the list! No sleeping for Tony or's breathing treatments and calming coughing crying kids...UGH! update this....I took Kenny to his Comprehension Care appt., which is just a routine check up...well, they took one look at him, saw that he lost 1 lb., and that he just looked bad and admitted him! They ran tests and concluded that he has RSV. The doctors want to make sure that he his hydrated and not struggling to breath. They told me that the reason he is in the Comprehensive Care program there, is because his needs are more than that of a "normal" child. He has "special needs" because of being a micro preemie and also because of his Bronchopulmonary Dysplasia (BPD) other words, he has Chronic Lung Disease so any cold that he gets, goes right to his lungs. His "colds" are more than just colds...they could be deadly for him if not treated properly.
Oh yeah...can you feel the stress just building up inside of me...UGH!!!!

So I stayed with him for the most part of the day but I had to leave him.
The worst feeling in the world is walking out of a hospital room with your child crying for you. My heart is broken. I had to leave him because I have 6 other kids at home that need me there too. Tony is working...if he doesn't work...which he did during the day time, he doesn't get turn, we don't pay bills. So he HAS to work and I HAVE to be doesn't make me feel any better. Its bad enough that I had to hold him down while they were taking his blood and swabbing his nose. To see him cry...UGH...I am torn. I want to be here with the kids yet my mind is thinking of Kenny alone in his hospital bed. He drinks his bottles throughout the night...sitting up and reaching over to me, waiting for me to hand him one from the floor next to the bed. Sometimes me waking up to Kenny smashed up against me...the way he sleeps on his tummy with his hands under his belly...or him sleeping sideways in our Tony and I...I usually get his head on my side while Tony gets kicked with Kenny's feet. LOL! I'm not there to give him his bottle, to cover him back up with the blanket when he gets cold, or to even smash up against for that little extra cuddle time. Darn it!

I hate flu and RSV season...I hate it with a passion. I go and try to make sure the house is clean and disinfected. I get the kids vaccinated, and try to keep them out of the public for fear of getting sick....yet this year, they have all been the sickest! I just don't get it. Its bad enough that there is so much stress surrounding our house because of many reasons, but it just doesn't stop. Its one thing after another, after another...there is only so much a person...a family can take...really! I just want to be able to enjoy life, and so far...its been...well, to be honest, pretty much a nightmare! I want Kenny to be healthy, to not bang his head, to not have any disabilities or delays or anything. I want my other children to not have so much stress on them. I want them to have a fun and happy childhood, to not have to worry about their little brother or to even feel sad about losing their other little brother. No child should ever feel that kind of loss...the loss of a sibling, at such young ages. I want them to all be happy and healthy.

I want to ask if, you all can say prayers for Kenny, our family and some friends of mine. I hate how this year has started off really bad. We could use as many prayers a possible. One good friend is having a hard time with the loss of her father, cousin and uncle on top of her little baby who has pneumonia...and my other good friend is having surgery to remove a tumor that is by her pituitary gland...both of my friends have hearts of gold, would do anything for anyone and are just great women. So please keep them in your prayers!
So onto another day, we forge on...we must...we will.


Tammy said...

Hugs and prayers for you guys! I know a bit of what you are feeling. Patrick just had three more small brain tumors zapped with radiation. Over 12 hrs in the hospital with a halo screwed into his skull...sigh. I feel pretty helpless too. My kids should not have to worry if one or both of their parents are going to die from unfair! At least I feel fortunate to have older ones to help out and take care of the little kids but I know just what you mean about feeling like they are being somehow cheated out of their own childhoods. I just try to stay positive and keep the faith that they are learning a valuable lesson, that somehow, someway growing up with this will better their adult lives. On a good note, I received a clean bill of health with no cancer!!! So at least I can breathe a tiny sigh of relief and thank God for that. I know it will all work out for us both, we just have to muddle through and look on the bright side, even on dark days. And of course, at least you can have your coffee! :) {{HUGS}}

Michele said...

Tammy...I am so sorry that you all have to deal with what you are dealing with...I pray for you guys every night, I really, really do! You are such a great and loving person and I am sure Patrick is as well. How is he doing? Is he in a lot of pain? How are your kids with this whole thing? I am so happy that you got a clean bill of health. Oh...did I tell you LOVE THE COFFEE MAKER!!! Thank you so much (again)!!! ;)
So please know that Patrick is in my prayers for a healing miracle...and also that he is not hurting. You all are in my prayers for being strong and keeping the faith and that youre cancer doesnt return! Love you cyber sister!!! XOXO