I visit you today...
it was a quiet visit
I was the only one talking.
I needed you to hear me.
There was a lot to tell you, to get off my chest.
I told you that I was mad at you for leaving me.
I told you I wish you were here.
I told you that I missed you.
I was praying that you were happy,
That you were in a better place.
just not gone forever,
but where we'd meet again.
The seasons are changing again...
the leaves are starting to fall,
the nights are getting cooler.
But you already know that.
I told you about the family...
how we struggle day to day with things,
but try to look at the good in everything...
but you already know that too.
As each day passes by
some may not understand
The empty feeling inside
worse than anything that could be felt.
The feeling never completely leaves
especially when special days arrive
special days like, the seven days of the week
or the seasons as they change.
I miss holding you
I missed out on seeing who you'd be
I missed you being part of our life,
I missed what little time we had, you and me
I talked about the disappointments that have happened
Talked about the milestones that were reached.
talked about the dreams of the future...
oh how I wish you were in them.
I changed that day that you left
I know I couldn't stop you.
It was the hardest thing to do
But I know you already know that.
These visits are not long enough
as I clean your stone and decorate
I look around at all the others
and think I'm not the only one.
Not the only one to cry a good cry,
Not the only one to miss out.
but I still couldn't hold you
still couldn't touch you...
but you already knew that too.
~written and dedicated to Nick, with love my me~