He also is putting in an order for Kenny to get his eyes fixed! He had ROP stages 2 & 3 while in the NICU and had laser eye surgery to correct it. But now his eyes are starting to cross and stay crossed more and more.
So overall, a great doctors appointment!
And while I was there, I was asking him questions about me. The ER diagnosed me with and upper respiratory infection (acute bronchitis) and Pleurisy...well, I've been on 3 rounds of antibiotics and nothing. He wants ME to see a pulmonologist...so that is what I'll be setting up later on today. They are leaning towards the pneumonia side of it, but the one hospital that I took the latest x-ray at, lost my x-rays...LOL. I am hoping its not Pneumonia and its just this stupid pleurisy and infection, but I really feel the worst I've felt in all my life...I did get my voice back (for the most part). I don't have time to be sick, I really don't. Waaay to much to do and people to take care of.
We are headed to the time of year that I dread. April 21, 2007 I went into the hospital on total bed rest...for 2 weeks I was scared to death, prayed and begged God to keep my twins safe. May 2nd, I had them...2 days later, Nick died and then on May 11th, we buried him. Here I am, 3 years later, I wish those weeks never happened. This used to be the most beautiful time of year for me, flowers are out, warm weather after a bad Cleveland winter, Mother's Day, Communions...I loved it...now it is all just a bad reminder of what I never wanted to happen to me. I am sure, in time, these feelings will not be as strong. My Kenny is here, alive and that is all that matters. And my precious angel Nick, I just wish I had the opportunity to see him grow, like Kenny...get hugs from him, see him smile, open his eyes...I know everyone says that God only gives you what you can handle....I wish he would have had a little more confidence in me to be able to care for Nick. But on the other hand, he is with my brother and all of the other family and friends who have gone before us and from what I heard, its supposed to be a kick-butt place to hang...so at least I have my beautiful memories of him, holding him, talking to him. I know Nick is totally watching over Kenny and helping him through all the tough times that have happened and will happen to him...that brings me comfort.
2 comments:
God did have confidence in you Michele...that's why He gave you Gina! Don't feel you have to feel ok by now...I don't, so I know you must be struggling. When have you had real time to grieve and heal from the trauma? God didn't take Nick...sometimes in life, things just happen. God is the one who has held you up the last 3 years. You didn't go into your room and close off from people...you are walking through life seeking answers and direction from our Beautiful Savior who loves us with all His Heart. I'm by your side in prayer all the way! I love you very much and may God pour a rainbow back into this season like He did with the Easter season of His only Son!
I hope your doctors will be able to tell you both how to feel better. You sound so tired.
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