Thursday, April 8, 2010

Easter 2010

So I sit here unable to sleep. The thoughts of Nick and his dying in front of me keep haunting me. The thoughts of Kenny needing more, the other kids needing just so badly weighing on me. I know that at this point, I need to get respite in to help. To ask for outside help is so hard. I keep trying to think that I can do it all...I mean, I am the mom, I should be able to handle all my kids...including one that has special needs, but I have come to the realization that I cant. I am not supermom. I am a human being that has been through he** and back...and not to my doing. All circumstantial...isn't that so typical? We have been approved for well over a year now for respite care and I fluffed it off like...yeah...we need it. ha....well...who would have thought, we really do. Kenny IS learning. He IS doing more and more each day. But, I have also noticed that he is different. The other day, I sat and watched him for a good 15 minutes taking socks and putting them in one pile...then taking them and making another pile...and then taking them and making yet another was very cute to see...he was so, so busy making pile after pile...but so not normal. Then the next day, he had pieces of paper and was doing the same thing! So that is where his Autism is rearing its ugly head. Makes me so sad. On another note, he has been eating a lot more. Well, today he only wanted 1 jar of baby food...but for the last 3 days he's been eating about 4-5 jars (6 oz) each of stage 3 baby food! HUGE STEP!! He also learned how to show "1" with his hands...very cute I might add. Still banging his head when he gets irritated and still throws his fits during the day...but I have learned to just hold him and rock him in the rocking chair or try to redirect him to something else...seems to work most of the time. To take that first step to getting respite a kick in the gut. But in order for myself, my husband and my other kids to be happy and healthy, we have to have some sort of help. Even if it is for just a few hours while I help the other kids with their homework or take them somewhere special or to have time for myself. Like I said on Facebook...I am feeling a little defeated in this aspect. I am a mom of 7 living children, I should be able to handle it...but I cant.

Never in a million year did I ever think I'd/we'd be in this situation. I am grateful that God thinks we are strong enough to handle it...and I guess, in a way, we are...I am up for any challenge...but a break would be nice every once in a while.

I had a few people on my FB acct. send me some pretty bad e-mails...I wont go into detail, but it was because we helped a few neighbor families that needed help...and we WANTED to help them...well, these people decided that just because we had so many kids and couldn't afford the better things in life for our kids, including food, why should we be helping others. And another was that we shouldn't of had so many kids if we couldn't care for them the way they should be cared for...well...lets see... the last time I checked, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, was one of life's greatest sayings. If you just reach out to others...OMG it is such a good feeling! Yeah...we don't have tons, but...we have enough to live and help others that are struggling more than us! Tony's slow season is over...things are picking up (thank God). So we ARE in a position....not great yet, but we can always help our neighbors or strangers down the street. We had people help us, still help us...we want to just pass the good will, the kindness on, that's all. And to all of my FB friends and family, thank you so much for your support. It really makes Tony and I feel so much better that we know we have backing by all of you! enough of my wallowing in self pity....on to our Easter and other stuff...
Easter was pretty good. We made a couple of Easter baskets for the family down the street...the kids and parents were very grateful...and we loved helping them out! The Easter Bunny did good this year...not too much candy, just enough! H also didn't put the trail of candy from the bedrooms to the downstairs this year either, which is a family tradition, but because of a slight ant problem, that I was squeamish about, we asked the good ol' Easter B to hold off on the trail this year. LOL).

We did eggs...8 dozen to be exact. And it was very fun! I really miss the swirl eggs that we had when we were growing up, but I guess they don't make them anymore...bummer!

Each kid got a dozen plus, and STILL wanted to dye more! LOL!

As of today (Friday), we still have about 3 dozen left...God I hate hard boiled eggs lol! One can only eat so many before getting sick of them....yep, hit that point...thanks for asking! LOL!

I have also come to the realization that I really need a restaurant style oven...I have no cook top space! I made stuffed family's favorite and sausage and sauerkraut with an Italian flair of Gnocchis!
(This picture of the sausage/sauerkraut is it only halfway cooked)Tony took the older kids to church while I stayed home with Kenny and Gina (I cant have Kenny getting sick from close contact of tons of people). We then ate our huge dinner, went to the cemetery to visit Nick and then to another cemetery to visit our neighbor "uncle Jerry" to the kids, and then over to Tony's sisters house. It was a beautiful day out. Warm and sunny with all the spring flowers all in bloom!
And finally, This beautiful quilt was made for Kenny by the loving, caring people of Love Quilts. They have people from all over make a square then they are put together and made into a very beautiful quilt for children with life threatening or life long illnesses. May God bless them! One of my favorite squares is of an angel holding up a little boy on skates!


Tammy said...

Oh Michele, although our situations are very different, I can SO identify all of what you are feeling! HUGE {{{HUGS}}}. No one anywhere should be giving you any crap about you and your family helping others. With all we are going through here, we continue to help wherever we can. It feels good to reach out to people and lend a hand and it is a valuable lesson to teach your kids too. What goes around comes around and I love being able to do nice things for people who can benefit from whatever it is.
Please don't feel bad about needing help. Respite care sounds like a wonderful idea and a great way to get Kenny some extra one-on-one time- hard for ANY size family with a special needs child in my opinion. Plus a much needed break for you. Just remember, you will do a better job taking care of others if you take care of yourself too!
So many people out there have your family in their prayers. Perhaps God knows you need the break and that's why the respite care is ready and waiting!? He works in mysterious ways. Know that I think of you often! Stay strong super mommy! :)

Nikki Comer said...

Hey, nice post.
I love Easter because it is the demonstration of God that life is essentially spiritual and timeless.

Hope you had a Egg-ceptional, Eggs-traordinary Easter !!!


J9 said...

i really enjoy reading your blog.
the quilt is beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Dear Michelle,

I so feel for you. It's OK to ask for help & it's OK to need help. It is the hardest thing to accept help when you are use to being on the giving side, but sometimes this is what G-d wants us to experience & grow from.

I was in a very bad situation some years ago, and people literally showed up at my door with boxes of food, a refrigerator and furniture. (I ran & hid in a corner at first.) Learning to accept the help graciously and without embarrassment when I needed it was a real test from above.

Respite care is so important. It is an expression of our communities valuing of your son, of you and your husband, of the value of families. Respite care allows others the chance to give and for everyone to grow.

PS--all that holiday food looked so good! Articihokes are the BEST!