Dear God...

God, please show me the way to turn. Show me what you want from me and tell me what I am to do. My Kenny is sick, he was born too early and had a rough start. The days are continuing without his twin. He is growing and thriving, but faces many many hurdles in life. He cant communicate like he should be. He cant walk yet, cant hear very well, doesn't really talk, cant eat any kind of solids (not even teenie tiny pieces). He could use his oxygen at night, but wont keep it on. Has ear infection after ear infection (why...he cant hear that well anyhow...why put him through that). He is constantly coughing...I know he wants to do things, I can see it in his eyes. I don't know what else I am to do. Did I do something wrong to have him? I want to think that he is a gift from God...but this gift is such hard hard work. I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Beyond what a mommy should be. Isn't loosing Nick, and having 2 miscarriages enough?Please show me the way. Please stop the anger I have, the sadness I feel and the anxiety I am experiencing.I love my kids and husband and want the best for ALL of them. I want to give them all the best life possible without losing myself. I feel I have done that...I feel like I have lost myself and in turn am not giving them my all.

God, you have blessed Tony and I with 8 beautiful children. The house may be small, the kids fight all the time...but I love them and just want them to be happy and healthy. I need that in order for myself to be happy. So, God...I am asking you...please help and show me the way.*on a side note*

There really is a Santa Claus...because...one of his reindeer was hanging out in my backyard....then flew away! ;)