Its been a long and emotional 4+ years. So much has happened...much more than most would even care to think about happening.
Four years ago at 10:29 & 10:30 my babies were no longer in my womb. I could not protect them, feel them move inside, or have dreams of taking my twins to Twins Days or wonder what 6 months of being pregnant would feel like. No...four years ago today I would give birth to two very perfect and very real baby boys...just way too early. Picture their heads...the size of a clementine (small orange)...their fingers...smaller than macaroni, their hands so small...they couldn't wrap around our fingers...eyes and ears still fused shut...yet...their hearts were beating strong and they were perfect...perfectly ours.
In these last four years, I have felt more pain, more heartache, cried more than I have ever cried in all my life...I can clearly remember what I was doing four years ago...at this very moment (May 1st, 10 at night), I was crying and it was late. I was on bed rest in the hospital and I was extremely emotional...I knew I was going into labor. There were no contractions showing up on the monitor, but I knew something was happening...The nurses sensed that I was scared so they called the neonatologist in to talk to me. He was tall with an accent that I couldn't quite place yet I was holding onto every word he was saying for encouragement. He started off by asking me how far I was...then he stopped for a moment and reached into his coat pocket for a piece of paper with a bunch of writing all over it (must have been his cheat sheet for me...I thought to myself). He went onto explain all the statistics of having a baby at 23 weeks gestation...which were itself pretty grim...but then add twins...especially white and boys and you got yourself a recipe for disaster. After he asked if I had any questions...and me crying even worse than I was before...he left me alone to sit in solitude and think about what I knew was going to happen...and soon.
Happy Birthday Nick!
I am so very proud to be a mommy not only to your sisters and brother, but to an angel and a miracle...I am truly blessed.