Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Wondering about wandering

No one told me how hard a child with autism along with developmental issues, lung issues, brain issues and feeding issues, hearing issues and nonverbal would be. Yesterday I heard chopping I the kitchen...Kenny has a huge butchers knife chopping a cucumber! He is non stop running/wondering...the other day, he was ten houses down the street...i just went to the bathroom!!! now...I'm really scared and feel like a failure as a mommy. We are trying to get a fence put p but the idiots next door wont sign the consent...and we don't have $600. for a survey....(our washer broke, our basement is flooding and we need a new driveway). We've asked the city to help and their hands are tied. so all day everyday I'm chasing him into the front yard or in the backyards of neighbors thatdon't  keep their backyards cleaned up. I'm not super mommy. I just can't....
It's getting harder and harder and we have absolutely no help...sure, people say they want to help, but no one does. I have lost close contacts with good friends because of the stress I have and no time to escape for a few hours...and I'm truly sad over this.
It's a very isolated, high stress and no way out lifestyle. I love my children with heart and soul...but I'm so scared and exhausted.
We can't go anywhere without a meltdown, the beach, the city pool the playground, a restaurant, shopping...everything is off limits.. I don't need the stress and the dirty looks from strangers.
Sometimes I really I don't..but I just hate this never ending stressful everything. And no...please don't say you understand...because no one understands. I pray, and pray for guidance and compassion...and nothing. I do unto other as I would want for myself and I truly feel that God forgot about us.. I'm not expecting ANYTHING, nor do I feel all. I am just throwing my feelings out there. 

So if there are other parents out there that have no help whatsoever...please let me know that it will be alright...because I am seriously at my lowest.

1 comment:

Nobodys Nothings said...

i am so sorry that you feel so alone, and that it is so hard for you sometimes. i wish i was closer so i could just bring you a cup of coffee sometime. i don't know how to help, and i have no idea how hard your situation is, but just know that there ARE people who care about you, even if we have no idea how to show it. (((HUGS))) and the tattoo is beautiful.