Thursday, April 12, 2012

What it's like...

What is it like to have a big family?
You know...more than the typical 2-4 kids?
It's having a noisy house every day, but not realizing its noisy because its our way of life.
It's hectic morning, busy schedules that fill the calendar completely,
long days and sometimes longer nights.
It's birthday parties pretty much monthly.
It's loud, whole family sit down dinners at the dining room table
...even if it is only hot dogs.
It's loads of laundry, tons of dishes and nonstop cleaning.
It's more clothes and toys than there is room in the house.
It's crazy shopping trips, and endless rolls of toilet paper...
It's giving up the wants in life but being satisfied with just the needs.
It's teenage fights for the bathroom, scheduled shower/bath times
...did I mention it being loud?!
It's funny looks from young couples as to why, and old people that bless us constantly
...not to mention a great relationship with my OB!
It's bags of hand me downs, gallons of milk, hours of helping with homework
and barely any time for yourself or a quiet area of the house.
It's wishing you'd have 3 minutes to yourself
and knowing that hiding in the bathroom doesn't work anymore.
It's but mostly tons of love, a bunch of inside jokes, rarely eating out, and a whole lot of creativity!

What is it like to have a special needs/chronically ill child?
It's the hardest job I've ever had.
It's every day what seems longer than 24 hours.
It's understanding and caring when you don't understand, but you care so much more.
It's hoping and praying daily...that you have patience, knowledge and a big pot of coffee
(and some help every so often would be nice).
It's lonely.
It's days filled with doctor appointments, therapies, medications,
but also extra hugs and a deep compassionate love for life.
It's wanting to take your child's place, for they don't deserve such a hard life.
It's wanting to run away at times...but having no where to go
(a big 12 passenger van takes a lot of gas, hence...expensive).
It's being so excited over the easiest, newest, simplest accomplishments
...that we would normally take for granted.
It's being able to understanding the wants of a child that can not speak
...and being proud of it.
It's fighting for rights, fighting for better...fighting for a life that deserves only the best.
It's getting "those" looks...the kind with smiles,
but all the while their eyes are saying "how sad" or "better you than me".
It's trying not to think about tomorrow...but having to think about tomorrow.
It's crying in the bathroom...when you get a moment to breathe,
then coming out feeling better (yes, even with the kids banging on the door...see above).
It's big bear hugs, cuddles on the rocking chair and always looking for that hearing aid that gets thrown.
Its being so proud of all my children for their love and patience
they learned with having a special needs brother.
It's a whole different life. One that I never asked to have.
One that at times is extremely trying and stressful, but it is also a privilege!
A compassionate, life changing privilege that is scary and tiring but with many rewards.
What is it like to have lost a child?
It hurts. It hurts to the point of wanting to throw up.
It's a life altering, soul changing experience.
It's an emptiness that never goes away.
It's a knowing you felt their soul leave their body...and oh what an experience it was.
It's a lot of crying. Crying until you cant cry anymore.
It's having really good days of happiness and having a moments of sadness.
It's knowing that life is still going on for those all around you, but you feel like your world, your that moment and for quite some time after, has stopped.
It's praying to God that there really is a Heaven...even questioning it at times....many times.
It's visits to the cemetery
Little reminders....and some big ones.
It's wanting to have that one dream...just one dream of seeing/holding your baby again.
It's people saying they understand...but unless you've buried a child, you don't.
It's having someone to talk to....when
no one is around.
It's understand that life is too short.
It's one day being able to smile...just a little more than the day before.
It's always remembering, never forgetting and wishing it wasn't forever.

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