Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Kenny read to me!

Ok...so its simple words...and just a few, but he is reading his very first book!!!!
I took this out of his backpack and thought...how in the world?! Soooo...I followed his teachers dirctions and sure enough...HE READ THE WHOLE BOOK TO ME!!!
I couldnt believe my eyes when he started to sign and say some words! THIS.IS.HUGE! 
Our 1.7 lb. baby has stomped out any negatives and those that thought he'd never be able to do anything...and is showing the world that he is amazing and is doing things in little steps...but...he is still doing them. Everything he does new...in my eyes, is a blessing from Heaven.
I am so proud...this brought tears to my eyes!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

An ode to moms on this Mother's Day

I sit here reflecting back to my first Mother's Day and being a mom...I remember feeling the excitement of being able to finally be able to share this day with my own mom and my Mother in Law...but still question how. I wasn't worthy of the years of experienced motherhood these strong, beautiful and amazing women had. My mom for all my life and when I met my love of my life...his mom whom I was easily able to call mom, meant so much in my life and played a huge role with who I was and the mother I strive to be. On one hand, you got my mom. A working woman...always have been...raising 7 kids. And on the other, my mother in law...a stay at home mom raising 7 kids. I loved seeing the two different yet same ways their love, guidance, dedication to their kids, their husbands...themselves...made them the best they could be without losing their own identity. 
I am now in a new phase of motherhood...a phase with no babies. A phase with a seventeen year old who I am having a hard time realizing that he is right on the cusp of becoming an adult. I cant get over how quickly these 17 years of being a mom as passed! You know, you get told from many seasoned moms to enjoy them while they're young because it goes by quickly....and you just fluff it off like...sure...OK.  But it is true. You are so caught up in the crazy world of diapers, tantrums, feedings, no sleep...etc, but you don't realize that while your doing all this, you, them and everyone around you are also living and growing older. With every diaper change and terrible two tantrum, you are learning a life lesson that will get you to our next phases of life. 
The toddlers grow to become young adults...who, in turn, want to be their own person yet, need their parents...yeah..in more ways than just love, acceptance, and guidance...which would be just fine with me..but, also to push buttons with teenage tantrums (far worse than terrible twos) to see boundaries, money for items that are no longer the dollar store pickups that would have made them squeal with excitement years ago, and finally...independence. The word that hasn't been used in your vocabulary since before you became a mom! How does one let go of those that you kept under your wing all these years? How did our moms let go to let grow?

I'm not sure when, how or why....maybe it was when I was watching Grease and realized that the movie I idolized when I was 7-8 years old was about teenagers in their final year of high school...almost the same age as my oldest. Yikes. Talk about time smacking you in the face! 

So, for my beautiful and loving mom, my mom-in-law, my sisters, my sisters-in-laws, my nieces, my aunts and cousins, my friends and their moms and also, those who are moms to angels, those who have lost a pregnancy, those who have lost a child...at any age...thank you for sharing this special bond. Thank you for giving yourself...selflessly to your kids, nieces/nephews, grand kids...friends. Thank you for all those days where things didn't go exactly as planned, yet you still trudged through and made it on the other side...even stronger. Thank you for keeping love strong. Thank you for helping those of us who are having a bad day. Thank you for sharing your expertise and knowledge of whatever we have questions or complaints about...be it baby, toddler, teenagers or even special needs. Thank you for comforting words in times of grief, heartache and sorrow.  Thank you for giving me courage to do this whole "mom" thing...because...man, its tough and rewarding all at the same time.
Thank you for the memories of yesterday, the companionship of today and the uncertainty of tomorrow...

Happy Mother's Day

Saturday, May 9, 2015

The March Of Dimes walk 2015

Seven...almost eight years into this journey of being a mom to micro preemies. I say it I'm plural, because I DID have twins born at 23 weeks gestation. My journey took a path of burying a child and having to move forward quickly without having time to grieve. I put forth all my energy towards praying and as much hands on for our surviving twin, Kenny. A Journey that if you are carrying multiples, you pray would never happen...but, as luck had dealt us a bad hand, it sure enough happened.
129 days in the NICU...
Being a mom of a micro preemie has been a hard roller coaster to ride. Never knowing when the next hill or drop will happen. Every runny nose, every blank stare...every simple mundane tasks that we take for granted...that is so hard for Kenny to do. Every time he wants to carry on a conversation and starts to babble using his hand gestures as he "talks" makes me love him just that.much.more, because he really and truly tries. 
Saturday was a long and emotional day of nonstop going. First a cupcake order had to be finished by me...frosting and decorating. Then we went to my sister in laws moms funeral...which was so nice and family oriented. We came back home to get changed, get my cupcake job finished and out the door. phew...tired already. Then we got changed and went to a friend of ours fundraiser. She has Cystic Fibrosis and is in the end stages. She has lived an "as full of life as anyone can with CF... including marriage, a child and living well into her 30's...and now, she and her family are planning her funeral and memorial. She is the strongest, most caring person i have ever met and I'm so sad for her, her daughter and her husband...and all those that she is going to be leaving behind.

Then, On Sunday morning, we walked for The March of Dimes

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Kenny and Nicks 8th Birthday

For 3 days...8 years ago...I was a mommy to two beautiful but tiny twin boys both still hear on earth. I love you both very much Kenny and Nick. Kenny is the strongest little kid I am blessed to be a mommy to. He's overcome sooo much and is such a sweetie. And Nick, I miss you with my heart and soul...and wonder daily what kind of little 8 yr. old you would have been. What a crazy ride it has been. Even through heartache and the unknown of what the future has in store for Kenny, I am blessed...we have been blessed. Happy Birthday to our twins! Thank you for making me a mommy to twins, thank you for choosing me as your mommy, thank you for giving me courage and making me appreciate life. I love you both very, very much.

Here is the very first post that my sister wrote welcoming them:

And a poem I wrote:

You both were dreams and visions of love
Inside me, I had you both, and thanked God above.

I prayed and prayed that you'd both be healthy
I'd give up everything including being wealthy.

Nick on my left and Kenny on my right
It's a feeling of having twins that was so in sight.

A dream that came true, but with different results
I cant help but feel that it was somehow my fault.

A mom is supposed to keep their children safe and warm
I couldn't do that, the day you both were born.

I cried the night I saw both of you, you looked so unreal
that my Nick and my Kenny I could no longer feel.

Nick you put up a fight to stay here with us,
but God wanted you close and you didn't put up a fuss.

Daddy and I held you close the day you went away
I love you, I love you, is all I could say.

I told you to look for your Uncle John in Heaven 
I bet he wouldn't believe that we actually had seven!

Kenny would miss you with all of his might
but we know that you are with him throughout his whole life.

It would have been fun to celebrate with both on your day
the birthday of my boys, my twins I should say.

Kenny is our miracle, he is our little guy,
I wouldn't trade him for anything, I would much rather die.

God chose this life for us and for him,
We just have to have faith that his light will not dim.

The problems and issues with you, that we have to see
will make us better people, I think that's the key,

So as we celebrate your birthday, yes I am happy but sad,
I want you both to know that I am trying so so bad!

See, I prayed for my twins that they would make it through the days
and now I see that they have, just in very different ways.

I am a mommy to twins, one in Heaven and one on Earth 
How lucky am I to have actually giving my twins birth!

Our family has an angel and his brother he watches over,
It's better than finding a lucky four leafed clover!

Kenny, I look up to you, you are such a strong little guy
You lost your other half and you couldn't even say goodbye.

As We celebrate your birthday(s), I want you to know,
I will be with you and love you and help you to grow.

We will make it, I promise, all of us together
That's why God gave you both to us...in our hearts, forever!

It wont be easy, but we all will help you through
With hospitals, therapy's and anything new.

My love for you started when God gave you to me
And it will never end, not from now till eternity

So Happy Birthday to my twins, Mommy loves you more than ever
I promise to love you, think of you and be here for you, now and forever!

Happy Birthday Kenny and Nick...Mommy and Daddy and your brother and sisters loves you both so very much.

Kenny, I will help you become the strong, loving and successful person that you are meant to be. You are an amazing little boy who puts a smile on my face every day. No matter what happens, we will be here for you and help you through any obstacles that you may face in life. You are my miracle and would do anything for you and your sisters and brother. 

And for you Nick, my angel, I pray that you are with Uncle John and Great Grandparents and others that have been part of our lives. Until we meet again my love, Keep the lights going on and off coming! I hope Uncle John is taking care of you! I miss you so much...my heart is broken because your not here. Your Daddy, sisters and brothers keep me going and my faith that you are with Uncle John and Grandmas and Grandpas help me make it though the days!

I don't usually go all "number-ie" but these numbers are very ironic...almost like...well...like it was meant to be....

We had 5 children = May (5)
Then we had our twins = the 2nd day of May (2)
total kids 7 = the year...2007


Here's another one...No one can say that Gina wasn't supposed to be here....

We had 7 children = July (7)
We had 7 children + added one (Gina) = the seventeenth day (17) (one & seven)
So total living kids 8 = the year 2008

Oh yeah...God does beautiful things!