What today has in store for me...

Its all about cans & chairs....cans & chairs (notice Kenny at the far end of the chairs) LMBO!

Have a great day everyone!

mystery of the green hair

It started Tuesday morning. I woke the kids up for school when one of the girls looked at me and said, "why is your hair green?" What are you talking about? Green in my hair...no way! But I looked...and there it was. A streak of green in my hair. Hmmmm...how odd. Could it be the new organic shampoo that I tested out the night before? I fluffed it off and went about my business. The next day...I had green on my hands and more in my hair. What the heck was going on? Was there a marker in our bed? No, I stripped the bed and put new sheets and pillowcases on it. I then thought...maybe one of the kids took green marker to the headboard of the bed (wrought iron), so I took a baby wipe to the whole thing...nothing! OK...so now, this is really starting to bug me. Where the heck is this green coming from?

Thursday came with just a tad more green in my hair...but I just kept it up in a ponytail...I just have been so tired of washing my hair...so the ponytail it will stay put!

We then get to Friday. I was in the kitchen putting dishes away...I looked down on my hands, and what the heck, I had green on them! Not a ton...but just like someone sponged the thumbs and fingers! So now at this point, I was getting really, really frustrated! Where was the green marker? What did I touch that was green? I looked through the whole kitchen to see what I touched...and to no avail...no green marker in sight! Now, Keep in mind that Friday morning was the morning from...well...not a good place. Woke the kids up for school with the same lingering migraine headache (brought on by a stupid sinus infection) that I had all week. Got Kenny up for school as well. So, there you have seven kids running around at 7 in the morning...and me trying to get everyone together to get to school on time. Get them in the car with a few of them fighting with each other...*ignore, ignore*...drop the first five off with my signature, "have a good day, I love you" that I seem to tell them at every morning drop off...but meant it with all my heart (even though this headache was pulsating after the nonstop fighting). Now with the car nice and quiet with just two kids with me...its off to drop Kenny off. I am usually waiting in a line of cars and buses that extend well into the street...and that morning...well...I thought I was ahead of the game. Woo Hoo! First one in line. I got the front spot. Then the waiting began. I waited and waited...no one was coming out and there was not a car or bus behind me. Finally after 20 minutes waiting...I ended up going home to see on his school calendar, that there was no school. Oh yeah...nice. Anyhow...back to the green...

It was bugging me all day...still not a sign of green anywhere but on me!

Fast forward to this morning, Saturday...I woke up with my hair really, really green and also my hands were covered. To the point of where I could have passed for Oscar the Grouch! I couldn't figure it out. I had my hair up when I went to bed (like I do every night), I changed the bed sheets, changed my pillow cases, washed the bed frame...yet still I had this green in my hair and my hands were covered again! I went to take a shower and noticed that the collar of my t-shirt I was wearing had tons of green on it! I sat there wondering what the heck it was...where was it coming from...and then I put two and two together. I FIGURED IT OUT!!!

My hair scrunchy! The thing I have been putting my hair up in every night this past week! I took it out of my hair and put it under the running water...and to my surprise...GREEN!

I then filled the sink up and let it soak...

It must have been in either the toy box or one of the girls pencil pouches that had an open marker in it. Lucky me found a hair scrunchy to put my hair up in at night time...all week long. So after a week of the mystery of the green on me, I figured it out!

Phew... CASE SOLVED!

Now back to my daily life of cans, chairs, laundry and kids!

Wanting to give back

Having a mixed feelings type of day. I have decided that this year...2011...was going to be the year that I make a change...even if it's a simple change, I was gonna make it. I thought to myself, working out? Nah, I get enough workout with chasing 2 toddlers and a house full of kids. I thought, a dietary change? Nope I really do eat healthy. So...what do I do? Well, a change was right there in front of me...something for me...for me to do for myself. Something that make me proud of myself, make myself feel better from the inside out, a change for a reason and a purpose.

Sooooo....last week I went to a parent to parent volunteer meeting at the Hospice. I was so scared about going. Not sure if I was ready to help others who are going through or just went through what I had the unfortunate opportunity of experiencing...the death of child. I was stalling on getting ready, stalling on getting in the car...actually having anxiety attacks about it. When I got there. There were 7 other moms who have lost a child...within the last 5 years. Each of us got to tell our story to everyone. Most of the kids that passed away, did because of cancer...I really hate cancer...I really do. Their stories were heartbreaking. There was a 12 year old that just wanted to live long enough to become a teenager...to experience what all 13 year old experience. There was a 2 year old that couldn't beat cancer after having a marrow transplant a few weeks earlier. There was a 7 year old that loved Disney. Oh man....I couldn't stand it. Now I understood that I wasn't alone. The box of tissues were put to good use in those few hours. There was a child who had a seizure disorder who ultimately passed away because of his weak lungs (yeah...this one hit home...a little too close).

I sat there wondering if i even belonged there. I mean, I only had 2.5 days with Nick. I actually felt/feel very cheated. I explained to the women that I was so excited to be pregnant with twins...I mean...what a blessing, what a double blessing. I told them that I still feel very guilty about my body not being able to carry them longer than just 23 weeks. I told them how beautiful my babies were. How proud, yet very scared I was when I saw my twins for the first time. I was a mommy of two very tiny but perfect babies. I remember staring at Nick and looking at his beautiful blond hair, his perfect little fingers, his tiny little nose...but I never got to know his personality. It was probably a very strong yet compassionate one to be able to let go and go to Heaven. I told them how I felt. Like my world was no longer. I was numb...I was no longer the same person. I felt like part of me died with my son.

I then asked the hospice workers that gathered all of us together if there was any place here for me...I mean...I only had my son for a few days...they told me that I was there because of that reason. That there are SO MANY parents that are in a NICU situation. Preemies, babies born with problems like genetics and infections. Babies only given a few hours, days, or weeks to live. Parents like us who were blessed with twins yet only one makes it home. Also parents like us who have a chronically ill child with special needs who, don't know from one cold to the next, from one seizure to the next, if that will be the last. Will I use hospice for services for Kenny? No, but they do have an awesome Child Palliative Care program that I may look into. I have had so much help from others through hard times, that I want to give this back to those that are going through a similar situation.

So yeah...I will be helping families that have/are going through what we went through...And yeah, I am very honored about doing this. I plan on doing this and doing this wholeheartedly! I finally found a purpose for what I went through...losing Nick, having Kenny in the NICU for 129 days and also dealing with Kenny's chronic problems...I finally found a purpose.

I have been feeling really down and exhausted about everything. Feeling exhausted about meds, feeds, living day to day with a child who cant talk, is developmentally delayed...by...a lot. A child who understands but cant express, chokes on some foods, lines chairs and cans up (every minute of every day)

I also decided that I am gathering all my resources and starting my foundation, Milestones for Micros (as I said a few posts back), this will help those families that have a child in the NICU with some things they could use while their miracles are in there along with our "milestones" shirts for their preemies when they come home and for their first couple of birthdays. It will also help those that have lost a twin while in the NICU and will have to carry on the weight of a death of a child and the survival and possible long term conditions with the surviving twin. I will be holding fundraisers for this and for the March of Dimes...Team Tomecko (click on the words to get to the link)...so if anyone wants to donate or knows any company or business that wants to help out, please let me know.

OK...Back to the laundry and cleaning up after Kenny who is STILL obsessed with lining chairs and cans up.

Kenny's new obsession...

I sometimes feel that kids really know how to live...I mean, look at this...this is his biggest concerns. How great it would be if "can placement" or "chair placement" were the biggest problems. Notice how much time and attention he gives each can...lol...

This and thats from the weekend

This weekend was filled with many fun things to do!

We went and watched my son and his school team win another game...I love this picture of Kayleigh...Tony is #22... Goooooo Falcons!

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On the same day of Tony's game, we went to an art show where Morgan and Sydnie had their artwork from school in. Very proud of them!!! They are taking after their mom and dad.
And finally....While Kenny is still making perfectly straight lines with the dining rom chairs in my living room and kitchen...he has also turned to playing with the cans.

He lined these up perfectly!

And he's still at it!

Almost 6 oclock at night...and he's still lining up chairs!!!

Chairs all in a row...

This is what Kenny has been working on...all day long. He gets the chairs from the dining room and drags them into the living room...I then put them back....and he decided he needed them in the kitchen...Chair #2...positioning chair #3Oh boy...the chairs are lined up nice and pretty...Getting the last two chairs...ugh...After I put them back...he proceeded to put them back in the kitchen. I then put them back around the table again only to come into the living room to this!He then got bored with them lined up that way so he started lining them up in front of where I was sitting... Since this picture...he has lined them up several more times after I put them back around the table! I know its harmless...but there is only so much a person can take with lining chairs up! This is where his autism is kicking in. I strongly believe this. He is very busy with this and is putting a lot of thought into placement of these chairs.

Gotta love a special child!

What year is it again?

Ahhh...the joys of starting off the new year with a new calendar. See...I keep a big desktop calendar hanging in my kitchen to write down everything...well, with the start of the new year came with Tony getting a new calendar. I opened it up, wrote all the important reminders and appointments in it, and hung it up. Seemed as simple as pie...right? WRONG!

I get the big FAIL for this one...

...look at the month and year...

(yes, I wrote the big "FAIL" for hubby to see)

HAHAHAHA!!!

Tony bought it for $4.50...a few days ago!!!!

Think I can get our money back?

What I've learned from 2010

OK...so this is the start to a new year...and what better way to start it off than write out what I have learned throughout the past year. I am breaking it up into categories so as to make it simple for my sleep deprived self to write it out. I'm sure there are more...but I'll save it for another post!

Personal self:

I have learned that I am a very simple person. I am not high maintenance at all. I can go without...because I have. I have learned that hope is good. I have learned that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion to destroy it. I've learned to let go. I've learned that people are more important than things. I have anxiety due to Kenny's chronic health issues and some other things that were made up by others, but have found that I am much stronger than those anxieties. I have learned that I cant and don't like to hold a grudge but don't get me to the point of no return (my Italian side is very stubborn). I've learned that I can go for days with very little sleep and can still smile. I have learned that I have a strong faith, but sometimes question what really happens after one dies...but still has faith that there is something more. I have learned that I really miss those that have passed away these last few years...and even longer (Nick, Jerry, Tony's uncle Bob...etc...). I have learned that I do have OCD, PTSD, and PMS. That I never liked any kind of change, but is now starting to think that some change is good...everything changes...its us to keep traditions going. I have also learned that letting go of things (emotions, feelings, and also objects)is also a good thing...this way, I don't feel like I'm a hoarder of all those things. Bottling up things is terrible. Oh...I have also learned that I love to have fun, laugh, play, dance, and look at things with a fun twist...and if that makes me "flighty" and carefree...so be it ;)

Friends:

I have learned that friends come and go...but are never that far away and are never out of my life for ever. I have learned that FB, this blog, and other message boards that I am on, there are amazing people that have interesting lives who have been put in my life for a reason. Everyone has a story. Everyone has issues. Everyone needs an ear and an open heart. I have learned that not everyone agrees. I have learned that when times get tough...I have a tremendous amount of friends and people that care...I love each and every one of you! I have learned that there are some crazy people out there too. I have learned that one CAN have over 500 friends on FB and still know and communicate to each and every one of them. I have learned that one cant have too many friends and acquaintances!

Environment/surroundings:

I have learned that my house is falling apart and has many problems but its still our home...its still a roof over our heads. Its still the first house that Tony and I fell in love with 16 years ago and made it into our home. Its where we brought each one of our babies home to...its ours. I have learned that Magic erasers are a miracle cleaning tool...along with Murphy's Oil Soap and 409. I have learned to not wash the floors BEFORE a party (duh...what was I thinking?!). I have learned that in our house...laptop computers don't last long. I have learned to wear slippers because old hardwood floors and ceramic tile gets really cold. I have learned that I can live without all the new gadgets, furnishings, clothing, outdoor stuff. I have learned to replace screens, use a leaf blower, Spackle like a pro, fix a garbage disposal and throw out clutter.

People in general:

I have learned that people jump to conclusions about waaay too much of things they know nothing about...but think they do. I have learned that there is still a lot of discrimination (against ALL sorts of people...black, Mexican, gay, and yes...even white), I have learned that looks aren't everything...inner beauty is electrifying! I have learned that rumors suck and words and bad actions really do hurt. I have also learned that there are very good people in this world that truly care and wont try to hurt you with words and actions and that nurses are some of the strongest and loving professional people around.

Preemies:

I have learned that some are healthy and some are not. I have learned that doctors really don't know what is going to happen as a micro preemie ages. I have learned that getting a g-tube was one of the best things we could have done. I don't feel stressed with trying to get him to eat even a couple bites of baby food when he wont. I learned that the eye surgery was also another great thing we did for Kenny. I have learned that although our micro preemie is three and a half, its like having twins when he and Gina are together...simply amazing. I have learned to be my child's (well, actually children's) voice(s) where ever and whenever need be. I have learned to expect the unexpected and to not make definite plans...ever! I have learned that having a 3" memory foam pad without a waterproof sheet when giving nighttime feeds does not make for a good mix. I have learned that breathing treatments twice a day for 3.5 years is just as annoying as the first time. I have learned that we have absolutely no more space in our house for all of Kenny's medical supplies. I have learned to expect the unexpected. I have learned that no matter how many times you wash your hands and use Germ-X and paper towels, chances are...they are still going to get sick. I have learned all the medical terms so maybe I should become a nurse...nah.

Large families:

I have learned that big families are the bomb (in a good way)! I have learned that my kids will never be lonely. I have learned that my kids LOVE their extended family...aunts, uncles, cousins...because we try and choose to keep them in their lives. I have learned that I really miss my family who live out of town...these gas prices and cost of living really put a damper on traveling. I've learned that eating out is just not worth it. I have learned that the house is always going to be very loud...and sometimes messy (not to the point of hoarders or child services messy, but just messy) until my OCD kicks in. I have learned that I make large amounts of food...but it all gets eaten. I have learned that when parents aren't around....in laws are just as good. I have learned that my kids are very well behaved in church. I have also learned that it really amazes some people that we have 7 kids. I have learned that laughing about our worries makes everything better. I have learned that I cant be the perfect parent that I thought I was...so I have just done my best. I have learned that Ground meat, pork & beans and noodles make a great dinner for very cheap! I have learned that I will never be completely caught up with laundry...every week I have about 15 loads...at least. I have learned to use coupons when shopping...and its actually pretty fun!

Life:

I have learned that its not what you have but what you make of it. I have learned to not count on anything but take each day...each life's surprise...with a deep breath and jump in with both feet. Also pray...pray not to get something or have something go your way (because I've tried that...it doesn't work), but for God to give you strength to get through.

Thanks for reading if you made it through. This new year should be interesting with all new learning circumstances!