I GOT TO HOLD MY LITTLE MAN TODAY....FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!
He is still sick with an infection and the lower right lobe of his lung is collapsed, but they let me hold him!!!! Every emotion went through me tonight from scared to hold him, scared that he will die, scared to love him too much and then lose him...to excited to Finally hold him, excited to look into his eyes and kiss his little head...to...sad. sad that I wont ever be able to do this with Nick, sad that they couldn't stay put inside of me for longer, a lot longer. Sad that my little Kenny will never know his own special twin bond with his brother. There was also tons of love. Love beyond any love. To love such a tiny being is so breath taking. I finally sort of felt like this whole 2 months was real. That I WAS pregnant, hospitalized for almost 3 weeks, went through a c-section, excited that I had twins and then suddenly, lost one of my babies while the other is fighting for his with all his might. It was real that I felt them move and kick inside of me. It was real that I talked to them every single night, telling them that I loved them and to stay inside of me until they were able to survive outside of me.
All of the not knowing if Kenny will live or die after his surgery, infections, etc... Takes a toll on anyone, but tonight....tonight was worth everything. I got to hold my little miracle!
He is still sick with an infection and the lower right lobe of his lung is collapsed, but they let me hold him!!!! Every emotion went through me tonight from scared to hold him, scared that he will die, scared to love him too much and then lose him...to excited to Finally hold him, excited to look into his eyes and kiss his little head...to...sad. sad that I wont ever be able to do this with Nick, sad that they couldn't stay put inside of me for longer, a lot longer. Sad that my little Kenny will never know his own special twin bond with his brother. There was also tons of love. Love beyond any love. To love such a tiny being is so breath taking. I finally sort of felt like this whole 2 months was real. That I WAS pregnant, hospitalized for almost 3 weeks, went through a c-section, excited that I had twins and then suddenly, lost one of my babies while the other is fighting for his with all his might. It was real that I felt them move and kick inside of me. It was real that I talked to them every single night, telling them that I loved them and to stay inside of me until they were able to survive outside of me.
All of the not knowing if Kenny will live or die after his surgery, infections, etc... Takes a toll on anyone, but tonight....tonight was worth everything. I got to hold my little miracle!
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