Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Pregnancy and infant loss awareness 2014

Tonight I light two for our Nick and one for the 10 babies I've miscarried, for my family members and friends that have had miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, still born or neonatal losses, and for those of you that have also had a little one that has passed away for one reason or another. This mommas heart has shattered into a million pieces several times over, in which I am slowly trying to super glue them back...kinda hard when you are missing some that can never be replaced. I can't say it gets easier for those that are new the this group of moms, it just kind of  shows it ugly head when you least expect it. When someone announces a pregnancy, when you see a picture, a smell, a sound, a place or event... For me, a song or even just looking at my son, Kenny does me in! I relive the hours they worked on Nick...the prayers I prayed, the promises to God I made if he would let him live...then...the smell of holding my beautiful, perfect little baby...with blonde hair and eyelashes, telling him to find uncle John in heaven...and then praying that there WAS a heaven for my baby to be headed towards. My face up against his soft cheek and the kisses I gave him.
So tonight, after a very trying and extremely difficult day of anger, resentment and sadness, I remember and honor my Nick, and the rest of these beautiful little lives that never had the chance to experience firsts. 

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