Not to mention, it takes my mind off of the fact that I still cant find Kenny's hearing aid which he lost last Saturday...its gone. I've looked in every room...in every corner. I'm sure he put it in something...its just not showing up. ugh. And also...Kenny is getting a Make A Wish! I'm not sure how I'm feeling about this...especially since I know that it is for very sick kids who are fighting to live. I know in my heart that he deserves this...but my brain cant wrap my head around the fact that my surviving twin son who has fought so hard to live...and has caused a lot of anxiety for me (in terms of his health and developmentally). I cant fathom losing another child...I just cant. But I know that it is a very strong possibility...reality that wracks my brain nightly...especially after a very trying day of tantrums and me feeling guilty for yelling and wanting him to...just.be.healthy and normal!
Getting the call from them...hit me like a ton of bricks. "KENNY GOT APPROVED FOR A WISH"...excitement and sorrow hit me at the same time. I was left speechless. A simple thank you so very much came out of my mouth as a wave of grief hit me. How is it that MY son....the son who fought so hard to live, have a "shorter life expectancy than normal". Does that mean burying another child? Because...if that's the case, life really sucks! A parent shouldn't have to worry about burying a child...let alone 2! And then I think...all those that I have scorned...that have "unfriended" me because of my actions (or lack of) and words? I know I have not been a very great person these last 8 years. I have not completely been there for those I honestly love and...yeah...miss. But, when it comes to a child whom I've had so many ups and downs with...spent many days in the hospital worrying if he would come home...then have to care for him day after day, night after night...more so than a typical child. The lack of respite is to blame...and yeah, I guess, because of my short temperedness and momma bear instincts, I am at fault too. So...Kenny is granted a Wish...and Monday, the volunteers will be out to meet our family and figure out a great wish for him. Please say a prayer that I get through this with no tears.
So this whole Halloween Cemetery Yard is pretty much my project that I threw myself into...momma also needs an outlet for all the anxiety and stress...it just so happens, that I take it out creatively...writing, art and...well...this, creative expressionism...see...I went to college and am using my college terminology...haahaaa.
I feel a since of pride and accomplishment in stuff like this...it makes me...ME!