I didnt think I'd get so emotional over "just a lost tooth", but i did. you would think that after all these kids and all the lost teeth throughout the years that I'd be a seasoned pro, well...this seasoned pro broke down. There was a tear shed...a tear of joy that my little guy who was given an extremely small chance of survival has lost his first tooth. While he was in the nicu, I prayed to the heavens that he would live to experience all that life had to offer. Then again, while he was hospitalized all those times when he got so sick with the seizures, the sepsis, the pneumonia, infections and chronic lung disease flair ups that landed him in the picu on oxygen, I was hoping and praying for him to just have a normal life however long or short God chose...to experience all the firsts of childhood...his first steps, first words (be it words, sounds, signing or gestures), the first pee pee on the potty...(yeah, still waiting on that)...and his first lost tooth. Words can't describe the emotions of teetering on the brink...being told things a parent never wants to hear...yet getting the chance to play out these youthful firsts. We are so blessed!
I also shed a tear for the fact that Nick would never experience a lost tooth. It brought me to another level of my grieving or my son. The "why's" (even though we shouldn't question things), the wondering of what Nick would have looked like, done...just everything. The raw empty feeling of missing him so much it hurts. This feeling comes and goes...I just wish that with every milestone, every first...it wouldn't be so painful yet so happy at the same time (if that makes any sense).
I'm so excited and proud of my little man who never cried and it didn't even bleed very much. The tooth fairy will be making a special stop at our house tonight!!! Yay!!!!