(Don't mind the toys, Kenny was dumping them out everywhere...and my voice...well...getting laryngitis...just mute the volume...lol)
Its something that parents take for granted...I should know, I don't think I was this excited when the first 5 waved hi or bye for the first time...second or even 5th...but with Kenny...I am taking it all in. He finally is doing something that all kids do! He was not going to let his little sister, Gina wave first! Which, by the way, she is doing as well! HA! She is also getting into everything...crawling all over the house...I love it...she is also shaking her head "no"...which Kenny was doing just a few months back!
We are signing him up for the Toddler developmental program for kids that are delayed or have a handicap. I went last Friday to tour the facilities and let me tell you, it is just what Kenny needs! It would be a couple days a week and they work with PT/OT, feeding issues, sensory issues and anything else that he will need! I walked out of there, called my mom up and just started to cry. It just hit me that my kid is a special needs child. All the kids that I saw were interacting with each other, walking, talking, pointing to things....I asked the director..."what do you do for someone like Kenny who doesn't walk, talk, play with toys like they should be played with, interact with people, point to objects, eat." He seems so far behind than the other kids that I saw. He assured me that they will accommodate and help Kenny with ALL his needs. You know, as a mommy, I never, ever wanted this for my baby. I wanted him and his twin to be born healthy, happy and together. I dreamt of going to Twins Days with MY twin, my husbands twin, our other kids and Kenny and Nick. But that will never happen. I wanted Kenny to catch up to his "true age"...but that is not happening. I wont give up on him. I wont let him feel sorry for himself (that's my job...lol). It comes right back to the feeling guilty that somehow I caused them to be born so early...if I wouldn't of gotten out of bed to go to the bathroom, if I would of....I don't know...I know I cant go back and change things...GOD I wish I could! I am missing my Nick SO much...I am so thankful to God for giving me the chance to raise Kenny, I really am! I am grateful that God is letting me see how kids with disabilities, CP, Down Syndrome and chronic illnesses live, act, love and how their families cope. It proves to me that no matter what is wrong with a child, love them no matter what! God created them and lent them to us to learn from them. I learn from Kenny everyday...Yes, I wish my life was easy and we had perfect kids, the perfect house and money to buy extras, but we don't and I feel it is because God wants us to see what really matters...and that is family, friends, love, and faith.
This past week, Gina and Kenny both came down with a case of RSV (thank God for Synagis shots). The fevers, coughing, wheezing, runny noses, not eating, you name it. We've had sleepless nights because Kenny needs his breathing treatments every 3 hours or his breathing and coughing gets out of control. Gina is also on Albuterol, but since her lungs are healthy, she is fighting this off pretty good...crossing my fingers! So lots of coffee (even though I gave it up for lent...sorry God) and prayers are still needed that either baby (Kenny or Gina) don't end up in the hospital.
I want to thank all my readers and followers who have left such nice comments. It is nice to know that Kenny and Nick's story has touched so many hearts all over the world! Thank you for letting me share my life, my feelings with you all.